The plan always was to get a tattoo once I booked my first film.
...But then I went and got gangsta and decided I needed to live my dreams...you know that whole "fake it 'til you make it"? So I stopped waiting and tatted my wrist with "dream" while on my honeymoon. Sweet sentiments in the moment, but every time I have an audition I have to cover that mess up.
I swear I'm going crazy because I think my tattoo is actually getting darker (instead of fading like normal ones) No matter what coverup I try I can't seem to get the darn thing hidden. I sat and cursed the faint 'd' poking thru while waiting for an audition today and that's when it hit me.
My dream is hurling signs at me. It's getting super hard. I need to book so bad so I'm accepting EVERY DANG audition that my team throws my way. I'm rearranging schedules and running myself into the ground, collapsing at night in a heap. Friends with children are telling me they're giving up because it's too much with a small child and I flirt with that dream...being able to stop running around like a mad woman and do normal stuff like work only one job and take care of my kid.
The tattoo is reminding me that there's no fading happening any time soon.
I'm on two avails. I have three callbacks. My head is spinning, but I'm desperately holding on to the faith that sooner or later the good stuff is going to start flowing in.
Thank GOD for supportive partners like Mark... and waterproof mascara.
|This is after coverup...|