31 Weeks | A Coconut Tale

2.09.2015


A writer I have most certainly not been, but as I inch closer to the big pop I find myself wanting to document more of this fleeting stage of my life. Pregnancy has been such a magical time. I love it that it lasts nine months because some days I know my butt isn't ready and I need more time to marinate over the parent I wish to be; some days I need to work on my confidence with knowing I'll be able to handle the lack of sleep...the instinct will kick in like I've seen it kick in for countless mothers I've been privileged to know and I'll be okay. I'll do okay.

We've been working on the nursery and it's coming along. I freak about practical placements in a weird way... am I creating the proper spaces to make her room functional...these aren't things I ever thought would consume me, but thankfully I have a partner who is equally down for getting that ish right. We spend weekends at furniture stores...on design web sites...watching YouTubes to figure out how to store ish. This is my life now. I've had some weeks to get used to this idea. I don't know when it happened, but I basically morphed into this completely different person. 

I'm not really hung up on the pains of my past. I don't worry about the superficial... I rarely, truly think of myself actually. I'm consumed with her. I got a really bad plague of something awful and I swear I'd wake out of deep, hard sleeps to feed her (even though I wasn't hungry in the least) to make sure she was getting what she needed. The amount of focus to making sure she's okay... it makes me wanna cry actually. 

Last week I had a dream that like the fellow in About Time I could travel back in time, but I went back too far and changed my pregnancy. I was no longer having Ziggy (it was another baby) and I woke up choking back tears. I've already bonded to her without even knowing her physical self. I don't know how, but I sense her little personality and spirit. I feel it.

My heart is full...so very full and I can not WAIT to meet this little one who is currently wiggling inside of me; happy with the hummus I've been scooping into my mouth in large quantities. She dances when fed like her mama. It's funny the traits you pass along...




She's the size of a coconut this week. 

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