Sharing is Caring

6.17.2014
I am experiencing the weirdest shift...I can't pinpoint the exact moment when writing and sharing started to unnerve me, but it has. I've been writing this blog for almost nine years now. During the really open years I could post multiple times a day, every day of the week. Now I'm lucky if I feel like sharing once a week.

I'm not sure if "you" are still out there...the you I've written to all of these years, but if you are then I wonder if you've noticed the decline. It's not that life has gotten rotten or that I've lost my ability to find joy in Life's everyday miracles. I just lost the need/want/desire to share. It's a profound shift, too. My need to blog was void of narcissism. It was actually a sincere desire to connect. I think it's a kind and very brave thing...sharing your thoughts, days, joys, mistakes and heart aches with others. The "you're not alone" moments were there to help people start conversations and open up. Except somewhere along the way I lost the connections part and the joy I got from the relationships I formed through writing fell to the side. I'm looking back at my years of blogging and I wonder if that whole is greater than the sum of its parts. What the hell does Luv and Kiwi mean to anyone? Can you believe this is my first time questioning blogging? I know; even I'm surprised.

It's odd that for so long I felt compelled to share...there was always something to write about; always something to describe... And beyond that: I was nosy and curious about others. My morning started out with 20 plus blogs that I had to read. Now I may browse some blogs every couple of weeks. It's odd that my interests have shifted.

I find myself turning inside out...I've become a special kind of recluse. I'm not scared, but boy is it weird. I can feel the changes. I can't explain them. I can't say what I'm transitioning into, but I know my spirit is altering. I've been a people person for such a long time...discovering that I'm not even all that interested in the stories of others...which for me, naturally leads to disinterest in my own stories...well it's a weird place to be in.

The old me is looking at this new me with a gaping, flabbergasted open mouth. "Who are you?!" Some day I'll stop being lazy and and answer that question. I have a strong inclination that the answer won't be published.




1 comments:

  1. I'm behind in reading, but have been reading for most of the 9 years! I like to think of the changes you described as just a change because we are getting older and wiser and realize there are more important things to focus on now that we didn't have before. As much as I have enjoyed keeping up through your blog, I too don't find the time to check it as often as before. You have a husband now, and not everyone out in cyber world needs to know your every move like we thought they all wanted to know 9 years ago. Things change and that is ok. I do enjoy reading and catching up when I can and hope you continue to post from time to time :D

    ReplyDelete

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