Never were there more true lyrics in a song.
Jen and I recently picked back up a tradition we had done for years; we begin each morning by listing three things we're grateful for. One of yesterday's gratitudes came in the form of an aha moment about jealousy. I had previously watched one of Mastin's Daily Love videos about jealousy. What it is and how you can turn it into something positive.
Light bulbs went off. Triumphant music blared and my world aligned. I have been harboring a lot of pain and suffering. The root of the pain: good ole jealousy. So using Mastin's logic I figured out what I was jealous of specifically and how I could get that on my own. It was a life changing moment. My soul released a heavy sigh of relief and something shifted. The aha moment.
The culprit? Why friendships of course...I was upset that people I no longer talk to had won my friendships in our divorces. I was so stuck on their friendships...but after the aha moment I took a hard look at why I was jealous. I wanted my friendships to be as solid and fulfilled. I wanted the joy and happiness that comes from my pals and mother effin DUH--I already have friendships...that bring me joy and happiness. I stopped at that moment and made a mental list of all the wonderful people who have blessed my life and made a note to start honoring and nurturing the folks who want to be around.
I'm usually a smart chick. It's a bit surprising (even for me) that it took this long to figure out.
My best gal pal, Jen made this abundantly easy to grasp and implement, by the way. Homegirl is ROCKING at her business right now. She's the CEO of Fit Bottomed Girls. Her and her awesome business partner, Erin, wrote a book that was published and released this month. It is SO unbelievably hard to get published AND to get that gift from Random House Publishing??! You have to be pretty damn awesome. It's mind boggling actually. Her successes are like a storybook come true: you work hard and your dreams come true.
So here's where she helped me practice....I looked at her recent successes. She's been on TV this week promoting the book. I took an honest look at all of the wonderful things going on in her life and I asked myself if I was jealous. It would have been a totally human thing for me to do...be jealous of her...but I wasn't and I'm not.
Realizing this made me smile. True friendship is about honoring and lifting up the ones you love. There's no place for jealousy in our relationship. My admiration takes up all the room! She's worked so hard for all of this. She knows her ish! She's worked hard for her ish! Watching her maneuver through this new world she's manifested for herself is perfectly lovely to see from the sidelines. She's got talents that are far from my grasps and dreams and this is totally something I accept and love about us.
Friendship checks are essential...to check in mentally from time to time and make sure you're in the relationship for the right reasons... Still proud of us and what we've built...why we're in it together...who we are and why we are. Powerful (sometimes scary) questions, but they keep things real.
So yeah. I'm just gonna keep honoring and appreciating the friendships I have and stick to my own lawn...tend to my own grass. I'm going to stop fighting the green-eyed monster and start looking at jealous feelings as calls of action. I've turned a page...THANK GOD. I seriously couldn't handle anymore of the crap I was stewing in.
My light has returned. I thank my friends for helping me find it.