Lately I've been in the worst kind of funk a dreamer can find themselves in: the doubtful kind.
I'm working in a job that is HELLA boring and offers no real challenges...no interactions...no inspiration. Then to top it off acting is pretty much going nowhere. I haven't had an audition in a long time and haven't booked in an even longer time so I'm getting scared and a wee bit desperate.
Folks who are working have recommended books, new head shots, workshops...so I've picked up a book. I'm researching the new head shots and workshop bits and I'm slowly plucking my hairs out in quiet frustration.
I'm supposed to figure out what type of actor I am. At this point I just want to be a working one. (Ain't too proud to beg!) I get all of these different messages: follow every other successful actor's path. Don't follow every other actor's path....
I told you I'm running in circles...circles upon circles because some are telling me to run clockwise and then another person comes along and tells me I've been running the wrong way for years.
I'm so terrified that it will never happen. I never accounted for that actually. I never had a plan b for when I didn't make it...so even thinking that way has me terrified and stressed and freaked the EFF OUT.
The life of a wannabe actor...I'm sick to the ultimate death of that cliched place of being. I need some miracles, magic and hope STAT!
(The wine can only appease me for so long.)