Bag Lady...You Gone Hurt Yo Back

1.16.2014
I've done this before for FBG, but a gym bag is way less personal than a stupid purse which usually should tell a lot about a person but in my case sadly doesn't. So I'm gonna pull a Tish and pimp out this idea just a tad...add a bit of luv and some kiwi to the mix. (cute smiles)

...Because when I was a kid I was OBSESSED with Mary Poppins' magic carpet bag:


So home girl did that. Here's my bag. Judge me lots:


So this is my ish in all its splendid glory. (My husband's feet appear in the pic as well.) He laughed at this project and said I was weird, but we'll see what homeboy thinks when spies catch us and we have to MacGyver our way out of that pickle! He won't be scoffing then!  Let's go in for a more in depth look, though shall we?


I'm really not big with bragging about the bag label I rock. Yes, I find myself digging some bags that cost a pretty penny (meaning it's over $30), but I dig a kiosk or hand-me-down just as much. Label bragging is simple and I'm a complex kidult who can't be bothered with such silliness. So here we go...sans the bag brag.

1.) There's a green pen in there because Langston Hughes always edited in green. I've always loved the color, but upon learning that fact I fell even more in love..and more in love with the Harlem Renaissance for that matter. 2.) Altoids make the MacGyver cut, because I can't stand hideous breath. If I offer you one, please take it. There's nothing spectacularly sexy about halitosis. 3.) I carry a pencil with a cute terd on the tip because it makes me happy and when someone's having a shitty day I can help make it a different, more lovely kind of shitty. 4.) Lather lotion...it's my favorite. Smells good. Feels good. 5.) I found this cute little business card holder a couple of years ago. Makes me feel all 2Legit2Quit...it's filled chalk-a-block full of www.FitBottomedGirls.com cards, too. Don't you love how tiny they are? BTW Jenn, I have to get my new ones that say Mrs. Spider. Don't kill me!

6.) Lather soap for when life gets messy...Who knows when you'll need a quick wash! Mary Poppins would so understand. 7.) Cinnamon tea that sounds like a drug. 8.) Coffee Drops in the house! I try to remain as alkaline as possible, but coffee is an alkaline no no, so I cheat like a muther trucker with these handy dandy pills. The buzz without the acid! 9.) Mark got me these awesome little camera lenses for my iPhone. Damn, that fool knows me! It's for those days when I want to get my Annie Leibovitz on, yo! 10.) Needle and thread. Did I, or did I NOT specify that I was thinking like Mary Poppins and MacGyver up in this piece? 11.)  A ponytail. Do I really need to discuss what I can and can't do with one paperclip, this weapon and a toilet paper roll?


1.) My favorite sunnies. They're just easy. They go with everything. The end. 2.) Poo-Pourri!!!! (Because I'm kind.) God, I love this stuff! 3.)  A book...because I read.


1.) Stamps! I still believe in snail mail, dang it all! 2.) My phone. Perfect for "harries." Check out my Instagram to figure out what those are. 3.) I'm Always fresh. 4.) Toilet paper...You just never know when you'll need to t.p. the shat out of some wankers yard. Plus, my name is Tish...which naturally means my nickname is Tissue...people live up to their names...even the nicknames. Therefore, I blow my nose a lot. Delicate hankies haven't been delivered yet.


1.) Bandages just in case... 2.) In case I cut someone with this weapon of choice...a golden urchin! I daydream of stabbin a stupid, BUT the precious, kind soul I really am would instantly shriek and apologize. Therefore you get a weapon and the antibacterial heavy-duty apology.

And there you have it. A Mary Poppins/MacGyver bag sure to get me through the best of times and the worst of times. I swear Gale, that is my last and final blog challenge. I hope I made you proud.


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