To Pop or Not to Pop

4.30.2013
I swear my body is pulling a Benjamin Button on me. I'm just now going through puberty. The face is a sea of planet pimples and I have no idea what the heck is up!

It's been almost a year now. Little by little my skin is getting worse and worse. I started going to a dermatologist and I swear it's not helping, but harming! How is that possible?! How have I spent THIS much money on skin crap that's just left my face dry, flaky, painful and red?

I'm getting to the point where I don't like to go outside or be in public. I feel like all one can see is my bad skin...I now know why teenagers wear their hair in Emo styles. Anything that hides the face!!! I had great skin and then I needed new face wash so I decided to believe a  blogger who was raving about her friends' skincare line. I tried it and BAM! Out came the first zits and it's been a battle ever since.

At this point I don't know what to do. My wedding's in four months...four very short months and I'm at the end of my rope. I'm currently doing light therapy to kill the bacteria, but these are some bad mama jamas chilling in my epidermis! They're not leaving without a fight...and my pour pores are going to feel the damage.

I've never felt so self conscious in my life! If you don't see me for awhile that's why. Makes me want to cry harder than a 13 year old at her first Bieber concert.


Little Talks

4.29.2013


It's been awhile since I've seen an actual music video. Jersey and I were at the library on Saturday studying, reading and going over the music set for our reception when I stumbled upon this Of Monsters and Men video. It's so beautiful. Reminds me of the Smashing Pumpkins Tonight video from back in the day. God bless art. Pretty things put me in the best moods and get my creative juices flowing.

And boy did they start to flow...

While the video is all abstract and beautiful, the lyrics are far from light and whimsical. It hits home when it comes to mental illness and how it effects a relationship. I've been on anti-depressants for a couple of years now and so I forget just how bad and dark it was...and how wonderful Jersey was to me. He's the man's voice in this song...the one who had NO frickin clue what depression looked like, but said he'd grab my hand and walk with me anyway. He's never let go. 

We've spoke lately about the whole baby making thing...once we're married I'm going to work with my doctor to wean myself from the drugs so we can start trying. If I were with any other man that wouldn't even be an option. I think a big fear of those who suffer as I do is the judgy part. We don't want to be judged when we're going through that dark stuff we absolutely have no control over. I know in my bones I can try this out and he'll be there. 

Damn it all, I'm lucky. I'm thankful and I'm lucky! 

"Thought the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore."


Goddess Time | Venus and My English Sun Goddess J

4.26.2013

I've been a naughty M.I.A. gal, now haven't I? It was for a good reason, though. J came into town on Wednesday evening so that we could work out with Venus Williams on Thursday!!!

Talk about a surreal experience. I swear I never knew that helping J out with Fit Bottomed Girl stuff would be so exciting and crazy fun when I first signed up to be a guest writer for her back in '09. I love when she gets to go with me to fitness events. I get super duper shy when I'm gunning it alone, but when she's with me it's like my light turns on. I'm the gal who moves to the front row of the workout and gives it my all WITH a smile on my face. The same thing happened with our marathon...I smiled the whole time. She just brings out the fitness fun in me.

So yesterday was probably one of my favorite days this year. I'll talk about the workouts and all that goodness on FBG next week (Make sure to read J's post on Monday and mine on Wednesday!) It was fun because of the sweat part, but mostly just being around such positive, explosively energetic women who have good hearts and good heads on their shoulders. My J was in that mix.

After the event was we decided to keep on celebrating so we went to Bev Mo and picked up wine, drank cocktails at a local restaurant and then came home for some wedding planning stuff.  It was nice, chill and perfect. She won't come back until my bachelorette party in a couple months. I shall be counting down the days.




Ginger Goes a Long Way

4.23.2013
For the most part, this blog has helped me out over the years. Since July 2005 I've used it to write down all of the weird and wonky things that had happened to me and there was TONS of material to work with, but lately I find it harder and harder to write.

Partly because I rarely (if at all) receive feedback on stuff, but mostly because my acting stories are few and far between. My agent wrote the team two weeks ago and said that we're in the lull period of the commercial world. This is when it's good to start acting classes and do all of that other stuff you do to get better. The only thing is I haven't been booking anything so my activity is pretty much the same: boring and nada.

Wedding planning is a weird kind of stressful. I can bare it and then some, but it's not fun most days. Most days I'm just nagging someone from the venue to follow up. Jersey and I work and play on different schedules...I'm broke because everything is going into the wedding fund.

It's just lame stuff that's important for the future, but doesn't matter a lick of beans to me right now. Instead, I'm dealing with changes in friend dynamics (that's a bitch) as well as the dynamics of NOT kicking Jersey in the piss pimp on a weekly basis. (Yeah, just because two people plan to marry doesn't mean the annoying little bickering stops.)

I need a bolt of life energy! I need to book some jobs and get this damn acting career started because I'm sick and tired of playing dumb and helpless girl. I want to be able to see the opportunities and once I see them I want to be able to pursue them.

I need. I need. I need.

J is coming into town for some impromptu friend time and I'm so thankful. Being that she lives in Middle Earth you'd assume we'd only get maybe one or two visits a year, but bestie boo boo has been jet setting like a beast. We're not rich gals either so I'm thankful as a mother trucker that she's coming to my rescue.

Ginger goes a long way...

Engagement Pictures

4.22.2013



They have arrived! Our engagement pictures have popped up on Jason's site. Pelvic thrusts of Oh Yeah! You can find the set here. They're a hoot I tell ya!

Hip Hop Heads | Kendrick Lamar 101

On Saturday I attended this awesome lecture downtown at the RedCat. A professor friend of ours was speaking with two others on hip hop, specifically on a local hip hop kid named Kendrick Lamar. In a nutshell the three broke down the lyrics and social context behind this fella's album good kid m.A.A.d city. 

I'm not gonna lie, it's been awhile since I've attended an academic lecture. There were plenty of hilarious moments where the fellas' words went right over my non-Greek speaking head, but overall I learned a lot and was pleasantly surprised that there's a cat out there creating such clever and deep albums. The event made me miss the heck out of college...



Just Pushing On

4.19.2013
I used to take acting classes on Saturday that this dreamy guy hosted for folks who just needed to be out there doing something with their talent. (He was the guy from Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy" video. Crazy talented...works hard, dreams big. My kind of actor.)

 

 He wrote this beauitfully, honest email to the group about how hard it is and it felt so frickin' good to read words that my heart's been trying to verbalize for the longest time now.

"Man I tell ya, I feel like my life is on a treadmill right now. Expending a lot of energy and still in the same place. I only share this with you, not for sympathy, but to let those of you who struggle and have been in a funk here and there know that I share your pain. I'm so frustrated. And I've looked at this situation in my life when it really seems like it sucks over and over, and the only answer, the ONLY answer other than quitting (which is not an option and doing anything else would really make me miserable) is to keep thinking and keep working. That's as intelligent as the answer gets. Let's get it."

I was driving yesterday and this feeling of disappointment just rolled on over me. All the auditions and callbacks and the waiting and the hoping. Some days I laugh it all off and tell myself this is just part of the process...one of the hardest steps, but other days...sigh, well other days like today are sucky. Then I read this...

I am constantly wondering if this is gonna happen and when. I have a community of people who get this. It's why I wrote that damn book from so long ago. I wanted others like me to know they're not alone and this weird funk we all share is okay, because we're going after something so brilliantly hard. Too bad that book won't get published until I'm a "somebody". For now hopefully others like me just read blogs like this and have tiny moments of relief.

Golden Showers of Love

4.18.2013
If you ask Jersey what it was about me that led him to believe I could possibly be the one, he'd tell you it was my weirdness. He knew my oddities would never get boring.

Sometimes I like to play dumb and pretend I have NO idea what he's talking about, but then I have conversations like this with him and I know I can't fake the funk:

Me: Question, good sir. Would you pee on my face if my life depended on it?

Jersey: Hahaha, uhhhh yeah, if I really needed to.

Me: Thank you!

Jersey: But of course.

Me: What if I just wanted you to pee on my face to help with my acne (I've heard this works)

Jersey: Oh geez LOL

Me: Well...

Jersey: Well not for acne purposes LOL

Me: You wouldn't?! You suck!

Jersey: LOL Just keep doing the light treatments (I'll explain what this is in a later post)

Me: What kind of relationship is this?! BoooOOooOOO

Jersey: Or use your own pee foolio!

Me: I just wanted to see if you were a ride or die dude. Apparently not! Shameful!!!

Jersey: Haha! Okay fine! I'll pee and crap all over your face then.

Me: Thank you!!!


Yes, I'm weird and pee would only work on acne if it's your own, but hearing that Jersey would pee on me for love was good enough for me! It's truly the little things...or the yellow things.

...Somehow we just work.


Close the Door!

4.17.2013
When I say I'm a dreamer I wasn't only referring to the kinds of dreams that involve me up on a stage clutching an Oscar and thanking my peoples and agent. Oh no...I DREAM. And then I analyze. And then it sticks with me and I either jump for joy because it's bringing the good stuff or I cringe and butt twitch for the remainder of the day.

Obviously I prefer the good ones which is why I usually close the door to  my bathroom every night. I don't know where I heard that if you face a door in your bedroom you should always close it before you sleep (feng shui doctrine)

Last night I had a terrible dream about two people in my life that forced me to wake up with violent force. Just needed it to end. I looked out and yep, the dang door to the bathroom was wide open.

I don't know what it is about that door, but I hadn't had bad dreams for a really long time and then like BOOM that door allowed all the worries and bad stuff I'm trying to process in my conscious days to flood the gates of my night time slumbers and freak me the heck out.

Has anyone else ever heard of closing the door?! Or am I just going crazy?!


Boston

4.16.2013
I'm a runner...

I'm the type of runner who fears it just enough to respect the heck out of it. You don't go out and run six miles without properly building up your endurance. You warm up, you cool down...you research and you train. You moan and groan but push through the pain and you allow yourself to feel like Superwoman when you cross the finish line of your first race.

Boston...Hearing the news yesterday sparked an anger in me that was a bit surprising. I'm the girl who cries when tragedy strikes, but this time the bad people struck too close to what I love and know.

I auditioned for a commercial on Friday that involved a mom running a marathon. For the spot I was supposed to run into the scene, pause to catch my breath, see my child on the side lines and wave. When I did the scene I went back to my marathon. I thought of how special and great I felt hearing my name being screamed from the side lines. I ran that race years ago yet I still can call upon the emotions I had. The memory is still going strong. It's frustrating and totally crazy that marathons will have such a tragic story wrapped around them now...that people will fear more than just dehydration and leg cramps.

I don't understand what the heck is going on in the world. Marathons and running in general hold such a serious and powerful place in my heart. The idea of hurting people who have spent months sometimes years  training to race in that city. The bad people flipped such an empowering event...and that just makes me beyond angry, hurt and confused.

There's been an overwhelmingly positive and lovely response from Bostonians. People are helping and aiding. Just as fast as those bad people made us question why, the people of Boston are reminding us that there's still a whole lotta good out there, too. Here's hoping the good eggs triumph.




Say Cheese and Smooch

4.15.2013

Photo courtesy of Vanessa Simmons, makeup artist and glam squad guru

Welp, we're official. We've taken our engagement pics and actually kissed and canoodled in public so Mish 2013 is on like Donkey Kong. 

The whole shooting lovey dovey shots in front of folks was wonky I must say. Just realized how much I dislike PDA. (And by public I mean someone in the room other than Jersey and I. I'm a tomboy and then some. If I could have sat there making cray cray faces and shooting my homie high fives I would have. By the end of the shot we were whispering back and forth to each other that we wouldn't be able to look at the other person for at LEAST a day. About to go on a trip and can't bare to leave your partner? Try looking at them up close and personal for four hours. It'll nip that love gaze in the bud REAL QUICK!

Jason, our photographer, was amazing though. I've stalked him for years and years so I had to make him proud and actually be a girl and do girly things...which I did. Had tons of fun. It's crazy that years and years ago I stumbled upon his blog and started following his two little girl's adventures through the years. It was for his shots of them alone that I hired him. Glad he also does kidults as well. I can't wait to share the pics! 

Mish 2013 is pretty darn rad, fun and might I say girlish.


Brene Brown On Friendships

4.12.2013

While I was down for the count I caught up on some of my Oprahs. (I sound like a grandma or a Madea. Please help me.)  

Any who, I fell in love with Brene Brown--Professor, Exceptional Soul and Phenom. Her thoughts on friendship, courage and being able to open up about one's shame resonated with me.

Things are changing. I'm so okay with the good eggs in my life. I'm also in a place where I can kindly let the bad eggs kerplunk to the bottom of the pot. There are no number tallies being kept.  I want authentic, honest, genuine people and I've got them. I'm focusing. I'm appreciating. Brene, you would be proud.

...gotta get that book.

Creative High

4.11.2013









I'm back...

Saying that I was in a head fog was a giant understatement. First it was sickness, then it was allergies, then it was traveling for work...my creative juices were severely dried up, but then like clockwork I got back up in the clouds (one of my favorite places) and the words started flowing.

I read some great stuff from a book J gave me,The Untethered Soul, (if you're in need of some kind of wonderful in your life) that had my mind spinning followed by an article in the latest Vogue that literally forced me to fumble for my pen so I could start jotting down thoughts and ideas.

Do you have a place that does that to you; a muse in geographic form? When I was a kid I always imagined my dad among the clouds with the other angels playing and napping. It's that sweet sentiment that has made flying such a joy for me. It's  where I feel closest to the playful side of my dad's heart. Only right that it's where I get some of my best thoughts and words. 

Many new blog posts to come...


Under the Weather

4.05.2013


This is me...under the weather. Get it? Haaaaa, I crack myself up.

I have been beaten down by a no-good, dirty bug. I have NO idea how I got this flu, but I did and my doctor didn't even want me to come in. He called my prescription in. Crazy, ain't it? 

I sleep a lot...existing in a weird, semi-conscious world. It makes writing pretty low on my totem pole. 

I always feel weird when I don't write. Documenting has been my weird little life for almost eight years (sadly) so bare with me as I explain why I'm fizzling. Everybody needs a little peace of mind. If I'm gone for awhile, that's the reason. 

Have fun world. Hope to be back sooner than later. 

There. I feel better.



The Kiss

4.04.2013

Background: My lovely friend Laura is a BEAUTIFUL and WONDERFUL singer doing her thug thizzle out in Chicago. She's out there experiencing and living her dream to the fullest. I couldn't be more proud. She's currently doing a musicle, which rocked my world to find out about. Needless to say I felt honored when she texted me for some advice:

L Boogie: OMG Tish! I have to kiss this dude on stage! Aaaack!

Me: Girl...kiss your dream. Visualize the dude as your dream. That's what I always do!

That easy.

Friendly tip from your friendly actor.

You're welcome.

He Accepts My Dance

4.02.2013
Sometimes I forget to connect. I forget to link into my spiritualism and find the peace that comes from believing in something greater than myself.

Then that darling man of mine (who I love to tease for being a goody goody) asked if I'd like to be his date for Easter Sunday so I said yeah and made my way to that lovely church in Santa Monica that I swoon over.

The Priest thanked everyone for coming...said all were welcome and then started listing who all that included. When he said, "Whether gay or straight," I sank into my happiness and thanked the Big Guy Upstairs for putting me in a room with such lovely human beings.

I people watched like I always do; admiring all the cool Cali chicks, made goofy faces at babies to get them to coo and enjoyed watching Jersey teach me how to do all the right motions like crossing oneself. There's this one really fast little crosses to big crosses thing some Catholics do and so he showed me what they were doing...except when I do it he says I look like I'm trying to put my signature on my face lips and heart. hee hee...

He doesn't grow angry with my curiosity. He never tires of my anthropological approach to his religion or assume I'm mocking him...he just allows me to delight in the spiritual energy floating through the air and put a Tishy spin on it.

If that's not love I don't know what is. Love a man who is tight with his own beliefs, open to learning about differing perspectives and confident enough to allow his gal to call the Body of Christ "that cookie."


Honeymoon Heaven

4.01.2013
Blessings come at the craziest time in the craziest of ways...

Jersey and I were planning on going to Italy for our honeymoon, but the wedding (like any wedding) is sucking up more money than we thought so we had planned to chill a couple of months after the wedding and then head out in the new year. We still plan on getting over to Europe. I have to see history...need to be around different cultures and languages...need that culture shock and eye-opening experience BUT we now will be going on a honeymoon right after the wedding to Hawaii...all because of some wonderful people who hosted an event I went to for Fit Bottomed Girls. The girls were so kind to offer me a massage. I felt sooo special from just receiving that and then...

Saturday I was getting ready for B's bachelorette party, decided to check the 'ole mail-a-roo and there in our box was a little white envelope. Inside contained a letter from the PR group who invited me. They wrote the kindest letter about being happy for Jersey and I and said they wanted to help make our honeymoon search a bit easier...by offering us a free stay at this AMAZING resort in Hawaii called Travaasa.

Y'all, when I say this is THE perfect place for Jersey and I...it's all about relaxing, fitness, culinary delights and Hawaiian activities that I've always wanted to do. The fella and I were in shock for a good while. When we came to we immediately got on the site and started looking at all of the fun and amazing things we can do.

I feel so blessed and grateful for the good souls out there. This has to be one of the sweetest wedding gifts ever. I've been tagging #Mish2013 on certain Instagram pics I've snapped. That hashtag is gonna be OFF THE CHAIN come honeymoon time!


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