Emotional Catch

Yesterday I played emotional catch with Mark. We avoided a really scary, life-changing car accident by inches. It was the kind of moment when my breath suddenly caught (for what seemed like a lifetime) and when I finally came to and realized I was screaming...much in the same way I did when I came to after getting my fingers ran over by a minivan...the gasps caught in my throat and prevented the tears and shock from flowing out of me.

It caused a weird energy for the rest of our car ride. He'd catch  a case of the blues and then sling it my way. I'd play...I'd catch the ball...hold on to the pain and grumpiness for awhile while he felt better and then I'd sling the grumpiness right back at him. 

I don't know when we finally both dropped the fear and moved on, but I was keenly aware of the emotional catch we were playing. 

One of my wonderful sisters, An, texted today asking how it felt to be married...

Today I caught a sobering moment that made me think of my relationship in a new way...forced me to answer her question in a new way. When you get married your awareness changes. I didn't think anything had changed, but that game of catch definitely shook me and produced a fear in me I wasn't ready for. I have to be responsible for someone else's demeanor? Oh God!

I'm newborn status when it comes to marriage. This I know for sure. 


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