I've been dealing with a lot lately. I was betrayed pretty badly by two girls in my life. After everything came to light I found out that the nasty was still continuing. My blog was being analyzed and picked apart for clues as to how I found out about them. I was so uncomfortable by all the violations...They were mocking the fact that I blog even...I shut done. I blocked numbers and tried my best to boot them from my business and that meant I stopped writing. I still feel uncomfortable, but I owe my lovely readers from back home who have followed my blog for years an explanation.
I was hurt pretty badly by those two. I wish I could say I bounced back and dusted their bad energy off, but this one's going to take some time. Wise friends have given me some great advice about how to clean house and trust my gut. I knew one of the girls was a bad seed for a really long time and I tried to see past it, but I assumed I was tripping...I thought I was paranoid for no reason. (Lesson: Always listen to your gut!)
I thought at this point in my life my friendships would be cemented and strong. I now realize you're never too old for a lesson. I've shared the events that went down with my loved ones. I've shared my part in the mess and still they all agree these two were just mean-spirited and out for blood. Because of their need for drama I've been saging the ISH out of my home...taking measures to keep the bad away and doing a lot of soul searching in terms of managing my anger and hurt...trying to figure out whether or not I can forgive someday. (Not looking likely at this point.) I went to one of these girls' weddings and gave her a toast...I mentioned how she was my family out here in LA for the longest time...how she was honest...I asked her countless times if anything was wrong and instead of coming clean she just continued to go behind my back and laugh off my pain and confusion. I regret all of the energy I spent worrying and trying to figure out why she was being so terrible. Then the other gal. Every time I'd vent about that pain and confusion I just mentioned she'd console me and tell me that it wasn't cool what the other was doing...then copy/paste my words and send them back to the other girl. For MONTHS these two were getting off on fooling me. (Plus I'm pretty sure just from how this chick reacted to me finding out that she was also doctoring some of those conversations as well.) I was helping her find new work...new furniture...giving her children clothes. I visited her in the hospital when her last child was born. Warm and fuzzies...This is why forgiveness isn't easy for me.
I was catching one of my sisters up on all the joyful details and she started crying. The details of this sordid story are just too much.
So where does all this pain and bitterness leave me? It leaves me with a writer's block I've never had; not once in the eight years I've blogged. Some days I'm fine and life is easier and carefree and then I flashback and remember one of the bad days and I sink. I'll find a happy ground again. I have too many good people in my corner helping me out of this.
I'm due for a good acting post here soon...so that's promising. In the meantime, I have some soul searching to do and some peace to find...wish me luck.
I rock an evil eye bracelet..."Just in cases"