What to Expect From a Marriage

A couple of months ago my mom asked me where my focus was...if I was using all my energy to plan a wedding, or if I was using it to start a marriage. The question stuck and I've been trying to plan for both ever since. Part of that planning involves surveying the "experts".  If I ask people to describe marriage to me they say it's hard. They say it's work. They give lots of descriptions that we've all heard and think we know. In one ear, out the other...

That is until I read this article by Galit Breen. I read this three times...THREE TIMES and then I read it out loud to Jersey. I love everything about her magnum opus. I realize that no couple is the same and the fella and I will have our own unique butt twitches to attend to, but because of her assessment on marriage I have something tangible and beautiful to start with. You have to read the article...Married, single, allergic to dating...it doesn't matter. This is the stuff romantic dreamers are made of.

...Man, I love writers.

Photo by jwlphotography

You Know It's Summer When...


Cinespia...Hollywood Forever Cemetery...Princess Bride with great peeps. It don't get no betta.

It was so great watching this flick underneath the stars. I loved how everyone in the audience would shout out the iconic moments. Lots of inconceivables and as you wishes...as it should be.

We're coming down to the wire. The wedding's almost here...the pennies are pinching more and more, but somehow we're still making the good times count.

The Color Purple


Both pictures taken with Poppins (AKA my iPhone)

"I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it. People think pleasing is all God cares about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back." ~Shug, The Color Purple

It's about time to escape into LA with a camera and just lose myself in something new. Some gals shop when they're restless. Others eat. I explore.

...And when I do pick up my camera and squint through the hole you can expect little whispers of thanks pillowing out from time to time. The City of Angels is shedding purple layers of change all around us.


For a long time now I've been heavy hearted. It's been all over this blog..I'ts all I could talk to with friends and family...the negativity that was perverting my life that I just couldn't shake.

I don't know why I was given the break I received. I don't know what I did to deserve it, but I asked the big guy upstairs if he would truly help me be strong enough to get through the drama in one piece. I seriously asked that on Friday...then this weekend...well blessing after blessing started coming in and it just keeps coming. These blessings haven't all been easy to receive, but blessings they were.

First blessing...I went to Pasadena for my monthly eyebrow wax. For those who read often "Pasadena Days" are sacred in the house of kiwi. I come out of that place zenning like no other. Well, this time I just felt this wave of something good rush over me that I couldn't explain. I asked Senaida, my healer chick, to walk with me to get coffee. We saw the numbers 333 written on the sidewalk and I asked her about it. Turns out she sees that series of number all the time...on clocks, walls...so when I got home I looked it up for her. Turns out when you see 333 it means that higher powers (aka angels) are with you leaving you messages. When I sent her the text explaining what 333 symbolizes and what that meant for her she thanked me. Little did I know that it would also mean that I had some angels looking out for me as well.

The rest of my Saturday was great. I went out to eat with my gal pal, Glenda, and we laughed the night away at a great little spot in Culver City. Then Sunday rolled around... a spiritual day for many and boy did I get the spirit!

More blessings...A friend I'd rather not name right now was seriously sent to me from God to help me through all the terrible stuff I've been dealing with. She helped me see why I couldn't seem to dodge the negativity dancing all around me. She helped reveal an honest to goodness (and might I add scary ass) wolf in sheep's clothing. All the dots were connected. I started to replay scenes from fights and awkward moments and suddenly the bad seed came into focus and I was appalled and horrified. That replay was needed, though. I now know why there was this crazy bad stuff brewing and never fizzling out. Now that I know, I know it will stop and I am so relieved. It's been a looooong time of nasty. I see my part in getting sucked into the nasty. I see. I see. I see.

333...miracles...eye-openings...shame...understanding...peace...understanding... rinse, repeat.

Anger is such a wasted emotion. I'm sad I wasted so much time on it but I have learned such a valuable lesson about myself. I have so much apologizing to do to my friends and family who have been with me on this crazy ride. I'm happy to report it's over...for good over. This blog of mine should get really lighter and happier real soon. Are you as relieved as I am?!

What Are We Going to Do Today Brain?

Jersey leaves for his bachelor party today and I couldn't be more thrilled to have the place to myself for the weekend. I plan to get some reading in...go see a movie Hans Solo and chill in the quiet.

I've been in this state of "Move, Don't Think" and it's led to one exhausted gal. I've held onto the wrong emotions and ignored the ones that would actually help me feel like a healthy mortal. Wedding stuff has left me mean and crazed. I FINALLY had 'real' talk with a friend and we gabbed about how stupid wedding planning truly is. It's stressful. It leads to ugly arguments and grey hairs. Trust me when I say the marriage itself is the prize...the day is stupid...it's like Valentines Day...it's a Hallmark holiday. Too many TLC shows have bastardized and pimped weddings out for them to be the sweet and endearing days they used to be.

I don't know if this weekend will shake the boo boo completely off, but I'm hoping it can make a dent. You know what could make this weekend epic? If I get not one, but two calls from my agent saying I booked both jobs I auditioned for this week. That would be sweet. That followed by lots of good rest.

Maybe I'll go out and shoot some pics...explore LA. This weekend Jersey tries to recreate the Hangover while Tishy gets her Eat, Pray Love on.

Et Tu Brute’

Poor Julius Caesar...just chillin with those who assumed were his homies and then BAM! The poor fella gets stabbed in the back by his supposed friend...haven't we all been there?

I'm currently there and not feeling so joyful about it. They say that you can judge a man (or woman in this case) by the friends they keep. Lots of judging...hash tag judge. Insta judge! They always say don't judge a book by its cover, but I do AND I look at the books around that dang book. Is it in the trendy pile? Is it sitting with a group of other books that the staff has deemed classic good reads? Or is it the book chillin in the very back with the not so delightful books?

It's important. Saves time. Grouping and judging has its time and place and for me that time and place is right frickin frack now! I'm cleaning house and removing those who haven't been as transparent as a friend should be. I've had certain friends for YEARS and I've been supportive and present...a bad seed entered the picture, swooped up a couple of my so-called friends and now they're forgetting that I was once a friend...they ignore all the hateful things the bad seed did to me so I'm putting them back on the shelf in the back and moving on.

It's what's best. I get that, but it still makes me angry that there are girls out there that don't get loyalty...that turn  and ignore the mean-spirited actions of one and say, "But she's so sweet to me." ...moths flocking to a flame. I get so uncomfortable when I rant via this blog, but this stuff has been building up inside and is making me physically sick to my stomach. Had to purge.

So yeah... I hate letting go of folks, but this is for my own good. Wise readers, am I doing the right thing? Is it possible to be friends with someone who is also friends with someone bad? Are you able to ignore the fact that they don't care what anyone else does to you? Or do you just choose not to think about it at all?

Hurtful hearts are dying to know.


A tidy girl with a knife in her back.

Ms. Plumma!

Over the weekend I had a chance to kick it in Brooklyn with my dear friend, Alexzia. Love this chick. Reasons for loving her:

#1. She can do a mean Muppet dance that no one can touch. It's like the strings are honestly there! Uncanny...

#2. She reads children's books with awesome enthusiasm and inflection. 

#3. She's incredibly bright, intelligent and witty. I love me some smart women! 

#4 She always has THE best stories about the small humans she teaches. She has captivating stories. The girl is a hoot. It's through her stories that I've learned how Brooklyn children are. Fly kids...for sure.

There are lots of other reasons why I dig this chick, but those are some of her quirkier traits that make my heart pitter patter. I asked Jersey what his favorite thing is about my girl and he said, "She was always on point," and then snapped his fingers. She's a clever, quick comedian for sure. Never a dull moment with that one. She'll be at the wedding and I can't wait! I must share her with the world!!! (AKA those who attend the party) Much Muppet dancing!!!

The Most Stressful Callback I've Ever Had

This is what happened...

I had an audition last week. I was told if I got a callback it would be on June 3rd...a day I'd most surely be in Jersey. So I spoke to my agent and said if I got the callback I'd just change my flight. I didn't hear anything on Wednesday...or Thursday so I figured I wasn't chosen. Fly to Jersey on a red-eye and BAM! I get the text from my agent saying I've gotten the callback.

I find out the audition will be at 2:15 in Hollywood so I book a flight that arrives at 12:10 pm. I enjoy my weekend with Jersey's family and Monday morning at 5 am Eastern time I wake up and hop on a plane home. I land and up pops a text from my agent saying they've moved my time. No longer 2:15...it's 1:50. I figure with the exact weird new time it must mean I need to be as punctual as possible so a friend of ours races me back to him and his wife's home to pick up our car; I book it back to the valley...do my hair, put on my makeup and the outfit I wore the first time all in seven minutes and book it to Hollywood.

At 1:57 I walked into the audition without even a sweat.

...And there in front of me is 10 or so girls with hair just like mine and faces just like mine waiting. I wait for a good 30 or so more minutes and then I'm finally seen...for three minutes tops. They thank me and send me on my way.

I sat in my car for a couple of minutes to catch my breath. I don't believe I took a true breath from the minute I stepped off the plane until that point. All that for three minutes...and they didn't even know or care.

Acting is so frickin hard. It requires so many damn sacrifices...loss of sleep, money, sanity...yet it's what I continue to want and strive for. Hungry as hell, tired as hell and frustrated to boot I have no idea what to do with myself. I have another audition today.

I'm a glutton for punishment...that and stubborn and fiercely determined to frickin see my dream out.

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