Help I'm Alive


 I sat in my car; parked in a busy West Hollywood parking lot and listened to this song by Metric and laughed to myself. First of all I have no idea how the CD got into my player, but it was so perfectly on point. 

I tremble, they're gonna eat me alive
If I stumble they're gonna eat me alive
Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?
Beating like a hammer

Last night I attended an event at Kinara Spa in WeHo for Travaasa resorts. I was asked to go through my connections with Fit Bottomed Girls so I assumed it was fitness related. (Hey, I assumed because athletes need damn good massages if they want to stay in the game for a long period of time...but I assumed wrong.) Because of that silly assumption I showed up in pigtail braids, jeans and a blazer (my signature look.) When I entered I saw, glamours cocktail dresses for days. #1 fail, Tishy: never look like a bumpkin when the event is at night (cocktain hours) in Hollywood. 

The first celebrity I spotted was pregnant Ali Landry in a stunning frock and I knew I'd need to kick myself in the butt once the eyes in the room moved on. The ONLY woman of color, the ONLY bumpkin...doh doh doh! I stuck out like a sore thumb, but I was determined not to be a punk and leave. 

I found the PR chick who had invited me and made friendly with some fellow bloggers, but then they bounced and I went and got a drink BY MYSELF. That's when I met a guy who asked what I was there for. I said I was a writer and then he said he was in TV. (My inner actor started squealing to be calm...big honchos from Hollywood HATE little fish actors.) 

Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer
Hard to be soft, tough to be tender
Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train

We then talked food for awhile. The food there was AMAZING. I'm hoping to write something up on it for Fit Bottomed Eats (FBGs newest baby) so I'll stay mum on the goods, BUT it was really good. To the point where my eyes rolled back and my Mr. Hollywood TV pal was laughing at me. Then he asked me what I did when I wasn't writing and I paused...the moment of the truth. Talk about my day time job and possibly miss an opportunity for a moment of magic or spill the beans. I spilled the beans and told him I was an actor. 

I could feel the energy blow right on out of our little circle. He dabbled in conversation with me for a bit longer, but then moved on. No magic moment this time.

If my life is mine what shouldn't I do?
I get wherever I'm going, I get whatever I need

I then had nobody else to chat with and thus started feeling more and more awkward. I sipped on my alcohol in a corner alone...then tried to quietly sneak out, but the PR chick saw me and asked if I'd like to steal Ali's massage appointment she had booked...which I totally did lol and it was FABULOUS (go to Brenda if you ever want the best massage of your life!) and then I snuck out like a little plain Jane mouse guilty of taking a pregnant woman's appointment.

On the way out of the parking garage, Steve-O from Jack Ass almost hit me with his car. I have no idea what kind of sign that was, but I laughed to myself...mainly out of strange coincidence, but also because his "Oopsies hee hee" face was adorably hilarious.

So yeah...Hollywood was close and yet so far away...AGAIN. These sorts of circumstances I keep finding myself in are hilarious. I have NO clue what to make of them, but on I keep pushing...I'm still alive.

ps. I got a callback on this AMAZING national commercial that would have plastered my face (and VOICE!) all over the nation...but didn't get the job. Gotta keep that head up...even when you're swimming in the lake, flippin fins with all those who have made it. 


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