Our Version

So I've always been a dreamer...

Sometimes I see things that happen...sometimes I see things that should happen (i.e. like that one time I had the dream I was at the Oscars.) So I've been really stressed about wedding planning. I KNOW everyone has told me to take a couple weeks to let it sink in, but I knew deep down a month wasn't going to help ease the worry in my heart...

You see I don't have that girl gene that knows what type of wedding dress flatters my eyes and hips (shaking my head just writing that!) I also don't have the gene that knows what kind of ceremony I should have blah blah blah...I just never wanted any of that. I love seeing other people do it, but it was never my bag.

So every night since I got engaged I've cried and cried to Jersey and apologized for not being girly enough, but something happened Wednesday night. I had a dream about our perfect wedding...or rather our perfect big ass party. I woke up--full of sun shine and energy--and just exploded out with ideas. I woke Jersey and started pouring out ish to him.

He with perfectly weird morning hair looked at me with puffy eyes and then lied back down.

Later he came to me and said I was on to something...liked my whole philosophy about the "big party" and so we're actually in planning mode.

I'm planning ish!!! I may not have the girly gene...I may never utter the words, "Mama, my colors are blush and bashful," but I am giddy as a girl in a Christian Louboutin boutique.  I'm excited and I don't want to run every time I see Jersey now...I don't fear his starry-eyed plans for suits and cocktails...Now I get it that it's about us and our version of celebration. All that cheesy, cliche stuff is TOTALLY true.

So I'm sleeping better...and I'm looking forward to doing what I've always done...going through life with my buddy Jersey. Life.Is.Beautiful.

Jersey's magic morning hair usually looks something like this.

Wilfredo Lam

I love this painting. I'm not sure sure what the artist was thinking, but I'd like to think this piece is called, "Clumsy."

...That or "I dare you to touch your elbow and your eye at the same time while standing naked with a piece of paper."

Souce: http://crankyskirt.tumblr.com/post/20425596614/i12bent-wifredo-lam-la-lettre-1939-tempera

Have the Courage

"You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore." ~ Christopher Columbus

I'm not usually a fan of Mr. Columbus (that whole raping Indians thing bothered me) but this quote was awesome sauce so I made an exception. (Please don't hate me ancestors!)


Acting updates...

• I just told my favorite acting coach in the world that I couldn't take her class for awhile because I have to take Improv classes at a really expensive and time-consuming place.

• I finished a very hard edit on my book. Now I can start updating and adding the new acting thoughts and rants that have occured since I first "finished" this beast THREE years ago.

Dear God. Throw me an acting bone made of bling, platinum and precious stones (in other words, throw me an awesome opportunity that will catapult me onto a movie set!) It's time to share my weird goofy ish with the world!

Holy Matrimonial Moobs!

So...

As lots of our friends found out yesterday, Jersey did the unthinkable...

He was able to fool me--Supreme People Reader and Nosiest person IN THE WORLD--into thinking Sunday would just be any other day in Middle Earth. Turns out it was P Day...(proposal day for all the non-gangstas in the house.)

So get this. Jersey is a HUGE frickin basketball nut. He played in high school...plays on leagues now so basketball is pretty much his first boo. He used this knowledge against me. We had planned to go home for my great grandmother's 100th birthday for quite some time so hanging all weekend with J and her husband sounded completely normal. He asked if we could go to this college basketball hall of fame spot in the Sprint Center before getting on our plane. I, of course, said yeah because a.)my old beloved city is hella cool AND the bee's knees for having that and b.) I can't keep that boy from that damn orange ball for nothing.

So we went to my grandmother's birthday party. He met my whole extended family on my father's side (he loves them by the way...says they remind him of the McDowell family from Coming to America...now you KNOW that warmed my heart! "That boy is good! He real good!")

I went up in front of my family and gave a speech about how important it was for the guy I loved to meet the family that marked my behind. (I look like the women on that side of the family...I act like my father I'm told so it was an emotional time.) Jersey, meanwhile, is just sitting there smiling casually like nothing is out of the ordinary. He's not unusually mushy or anything! Dude KNEW I'd catch on to that ish! Perfectly chill on the outside...inside homeboy said he was about to go insane.

DAY OF:

We all wake up, put on our gym clothes, guzzle down yummy smoothies and head to the college basketball place. J has her big fancy Nikon with her and I think nothing of it....WHY?! Because I document the ISH out of EVERYTHING and they KNEW I wouldn't think twice. She said we were gonna cover this for FBG and I totally believed her. We got inside...I had the big camera and I'm just shooting away at stuff while they're all secretly laughing that I'm documenting my own frickin proposal.

We play a bunch of games and then move to the big court and all of us just start spastically shooting. I notice two employees in that dang place and think nothing of it. One has an iPad and I think she's doing something with the score boards or something. There's also a photographer and I think he's just doing his thing; taking pictures of the new court.

Then it happens...and as you will see I have NO FLIPPING CLUE what's going on. In fact, I'm actually perturbed with Jersey for not picking up his ball. Listen for how many times I tell him to pick up his ball.

Surpise Sucka! 

And One

I'm not completely cruel. There were kids in the arena so I didn't get why he was being so touchy-feely with me...and I couldn't kiss his behind because I developed a GIANT fever blister that morning. Good timing? Sexy? You bet! I looked a hot mess, stunk like a pig in heat but, it was still THE perfect hoodwink in the history of Tish hoodwinks.

Like I said..."That boy is good! He real good!"

SEXUAL CHOCOLATE PEOPLE!!!

OTHER HOODWINKS:

J knew about this ish! My parents knew! B knew...all of Jersey's gym family knew...okay so EVERYONE knew but me. I hate being the one out of the know lol...I just butt twitch all over the place at all of you who knew and were able to keep it all away from me. I applaud you, too.

Love my peoples and my guy!

PS "Ass" is totally my term of endearment.

Jersey's coworker broke into our joint and had these waiting for us when we got home. Pimp

Sprinkles will put little engagement rings on your cupcakes yo!

Gotta Catch a Plane to See About a Girl

My great grandmother turns 100 this weekend so Jersey and I are flying to Middle Earth in order to celebrate with the fam bam. This will be his first time meeting that side of the family.

I'm pretty excited! I feel like we've been dating for ages and it's just weird that there's this whole chunk of folk he's only heard stories about. This is my father's side of the family...the side that consists of beautiful, wonderful, strong women who gave me my hips, my smile, my hands and my elegance. (Yeah I said it...as goofy as I am, I have my elegant moments.)

Alva Thomas and a young, 90's fabulous me.

Gratitudes + Affirmations + Wishes

For years now J and I have sent morning emails with three things we're grateful for. It's been lovely to share such a positive practice. Taking the time to sit and write what you're grateful for is a blessing. It helps you keep things in perspective...helps you remain in the present and most of all helps sustain your happiness (which is all perspective anyways!)

This week J upped the ante with the good vibration ish. She asked if we could add affirmations and wishes to that lovely morning email and of course I said yes.

I'm saving these good girls for rainy days. I love writing them. I love sharing them with her! I've known that woman since we were 14, but the time has never led me to take her for granted. She changes and grows every day  (a Bridesmaids quote just popped up in my head because of this.) This morning email we share keeps me in the know...I learn something new about her and her lovely big soul every darn day.

I totally recommend trying it with a close friend. Then let me know how it's working out for you. I'm sharing the cyber love!

Credit: hurricainemaine

Friendship

It's taken me my current lifetime to figure out friendships. While I was EXTREMELY lucky to find my Jenn (she's totally mine!) at such an early age I will be the first to admit that it was never work...never hard...never a burden to keep that friendship going strong. So while it looked like I was this wise friendship expert, I never really had to work and struggle--that necessary stuff you need in order to become a true expert.

That being said I've had one heck of a time figuring out all of my other friendships over the years. First of all, the very definition of friendship is subjective as a mother trucker! Ask me what it means to be a friend and I'll give you this self-full speech about how a friendship means you come to the relationship whole; honoring, building up; bettering; spoiling; cherishing and loving your friend to pieces. It's a very loyal "old school" way of thinking. I'm my own little rascal. If I could, I'd have a clubhouse for me and my buddies and we'd be the "Chicks before (boys') Sticks" group who met weekly to keep our sanity and estrogen going strong.

That's just me though. We've all read the poem about friends coming into our life for a season, right? Well that part doesn't suit too well with me. I know it happens. I know some things fizzle, but I hate the fizzle. I really do. If I've chosen to make someone family/sister/bestie material then I take it seriously and I work  hard at maintaining it.

I've been REALLY working at this one friendship in particular. We grew a part for awhile. Had one nasty breakup last year, but we've since talked, made up and are trying. It's been super duper hard, though! I'm really putting myself out there...doing the whole honesty thing; exposing all of my insecurities and hangups...(something that pride would never allow me to do with anyone other than a sister friend!) but I'm thinking that we're not on the same life path or something...there's no umph from the other end that this friendship is necessary. I'm trying to verify that fact for sure before I just assume and move on...

Friendships in my kidult life have been so difficult! What happened to just knowing everything's cool and that your friends cherishes your relationship just as much as you? I'm trying to grow. I'm trying to practice love and empathy...both towards me and towards my friends.

I've been thinking a lot about all of this friendship stuff lately. It seems when I really focus on something, the Universe starts to magically place said thoughts into action. I just read this from one of my writing 'friends':

"I take friendships seriously because I respect what a tremendous gift a friendship is. And once you accept that gift, you have to decide which shelf to place it on and how often to dust the shelf and what goes next to it. It’s a big deal to me.  Friends: they help us grow, they make us uncomfortable, they question us, they are fun, they are a joy, they are support. Mine are. Of course the older I get the fewer of these exist so I am grateful for the few. I think my expectations of the word friendship are rather high although I accept people for who they are. But accepting people for who they are means that one has different kinds of friends. I don’t need friends to “do” things. What I need from friendship is different because I am not afraid of being alone and I am able to enjoy doing things alone."

And the Universe speaks...I appreciate Annie's thoughts on the matter. Her expectations for friendships...not necessarily for the people. It takes a sweet, intelligent soul to see the differences.

...And now I've got some soul searching to do.

Gone Girl

I have finally come up for air! I spent the better part of my entire weekend with my nose stuck in my iPad reading Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn.

...And the latest book club selection is: Gone Girl

This book had me from the first paragraph. The writing is scrumptious. It's honest, raw, personable, witty and extremely entertaining. That aside, the actual premise of this book is crazy, topsy-turvy awesome! It's been a LONG time since I've been this obsessed with finishing a book. Any second of free time was saved for more.

One night Jersey and I went out for a fine night of dining; got respectably buzzed and I STILL came home and read for an hour. (And I remember what I read...wink wink)

I miss that story. It was hell on my body and emotions, but I miss it nonetheless.

Have you ever felt like that after reading a book?

Meager Monday

Jenn gave me this hilarious little doll a year or so ago. When she pulled it out of her bag I couldn't help but chuckle. 

J. is far from vengeful. She's the kind of gal who meditates; tries to give the Universe the benefit of the doubt...but she's also got one heck of a funny bone. I love this little guy. I keep him in in my jewelry area of the closet. Every time I reach for a watch I see him and laugh maniacally to myself. 

According to the makers of the little guy, he's just for fun. "If by keeping one of these dolls with you helps with any aspect of your life then it's a good thing."

Don't you just love friends who do little things to keep you smiling?

American Ninja Warrior

I am on pins and needles. My palms are sweating. My TOES are sweating. I can't look. I can't breath! Then I wanted to bleed cry when Brent fell in stage three. No American has ever become a Ninja Warrior. Not ONE!

Well except for my kid sister who earned the title when she turned terrible two.

It's blurry. I apologize, but that is my kid sister, Nina the Ninja Warrior. Her outfit wasn't complete unless she could rock her ninja head band. Kid was mad weird, but she kept my days interesting for sure. 

Conversations │ Shooting the Sh*t with Friends

The other day I had a total melt down with the fella. I was trying to have a nice, relaxing rant about feminism and how backwards and shallow society still is about a woman's worth being tied to her beauty.

Needless to say we got over the tif, but I couldn't shake the longing for some good old fashioned nerd talk. It's been a long time since I've had a clever, fun discussion with a gal pal. You know, the type of conversation where you sit at a coffee shop, sipping your matcha latte with rice milk and discuss the workings of the world?...No? Just me? Poop.

Anyways. I have really great friends (and one awesome best bud) who provide endless amounts of entertainment for me via phone and computer, but I wanted a physical date yesterday.

I opened up to J about it. Before I knew what was happening we were engaged in THE best, most random conversation that included, Paul Ryan (Romney's choice for VP), feminism, Helen Gurley Brown (and our differing opinions on how she hurt/helped the feminist cause), poop, workouts, babies, The Bodyguard, the books we're currently reading, the stupid K-Stewart/Pattinson cheat heard round the world, as well as a Tolstoy recommendation.

It was just what I needed: A little bit of nerd, a little bit of gossip and a whole lot of interest! Sincerely needed that more than a Kardashian needs a kamera!

Then my Twinkie sent some hilarious videos to keep me entertained and I forgot all about that coffee chat I so desperately wanted. I decided to share some of that conversation with you. Do you see the twinkle in my eye? Pure joy right there!

conversations with friends 

Shareen

A couple of weeks ago I went to this charming boutique in West Hollywood that I had NO business being in, but Erica--Shareen's associate who runs the store-- was really sweet and full of knowledge. (She gave me a great tip for drawing a perfectly lined cat eye.)

Someday I may need boutiques and cat eyes...for now I just take pictures of pretty things--comfortably solid in my jeans, t shirt and chucks.

It Sits...

This is my book...still in its same sad state. 

Maybe this weekend I'll find the hope, persistence and sanity to look down, place my mother truckin' fingers on the keyboard and finish it. Maybe...

Where's that assistant I was promised in my dream life?

Hermes Fall 2012

Tomboy Chic is in the house...pelvic thrusts for all!

Credit: NY Times Fancy Schmancy Photographer

...and then a fun little whimsical dress that reminds me of Cindy Loo Who on acid...but in a good way.

Some days I have tons and tons to write about. I'm like that now. I have tons of words pushed flat against my head; just bursting to come out, but for some reason I feel like it's something I just keep on writing over and over again: I can't wait to make it. I'm scared. I still want it. It's hard. It's expensive. It's not a kind industry. Friends aren't as eager to help if they've somehow found a way to glass ceiling #1. My skin's going wonky and while one half of me cares not, ish (aka acne) happens,the other side of me knows I have to look halfway decent and anti-crack headish if I want to charm a casting director into giving me some kind of break.

So instead of writing all that day in and day out I give you all pretty pictures. 

What's really going on vs the creative stuff I fill my mind with so that the worry doesn't consume me.

7 Years in Los Angeles

I don't know how I forgot the day, but July 29th marked my 7th year here in Los Angeles...

I've been here for SEVEN WHOLE YEARS.

I remember when I moved out here I was dating some dingle dork NFL player that told me I'd move back after a couple of months...he didn't think I'd be able to hang...didn't think I'd choose my dream over him. Ha! Funny how that worked out, huh?

It's been hard...the slow pace is maddening for sure, but I still think I have the power and magic to make this dream of mine happen. I'm lost...I have no idea what to do. I have no idea where to start, but I still have this tiny spark way down deep that says, "Just hold on a little bit longer, Tish."

Last night I had a dream that I was interviewing celebrities and I asked them if they had always wanted to act and if so, did they feel whole. I woke up before I heard the answers, but I was still inspired. I love when my passion finds its way into my dreams...Confirms just how much I love and think about it. I wake up thinking about acting. I go to sleep thinking about it. I worry about it a lot...I smile, too.

These past seven years have gone by so fast... There's been so much life, growth, but little reflection. Now that I'm at lucky seven I'm hoping to correct that. I'm hoping, wish, praying for some dream-come-true-action this year!

Meaning in the Meager

I love art...I love art so much.  I want pieces to fill my home and spark multitudes of conversations. Nothing sterile...vibrant, fun, interesting...That's the sort of eyegasms that make my soul sing.

This paining currently hangs in our living room. A four-year-old friend created it for us. I asked her if she would paint something that made her happy so she painted the view she sees from her backyard. 

Every time I walk past it I'm tickled green. I found a way to capture a child's view of the world. Priceless painting.

Macy Gray

I've loved Macy since her first album came out my senior year of high school. (For some, I'm dating myself by admitting such things, but I'm okay with that.)

She didn't disappoint, either. She was cute and fun. I swear she has the best child-like energy. Always something a gal like me gravitates towards...

Macy Gray In Concert 

Seal

Last Tuesday I was invited to a Macy Gray/Seal concert in Downtown LA. I knew it would be fun, but I didn't expect to sit there like a drooling fool watching the man perform!

I've always loved Seal's voice, but I really dig it in person. It's so raw and strong. Dat boy got a gift!

I can't explain the magnetism that shoots out of that dude! From the sweat on his bald head, down to his beautiful scars, down to his shiny cool black-painted fingernails...he was just captivating the audience.

He's kind of like the Will Smith of music. He captures this race-less,gender-less, age-less, totally eclectic audience in his stage presence; men and women were all getting into it. He just exudes this beautiful energy...

This will help you understand why I had to tape every dang song he sang. I'd put my phone away and then he'd start singing something else that was totally amazing and out came the camera again. I.COULD.NOT.HELP.MYSELF.

Seal In Concert

On the Downtown Train

I know it's coocoo for cocoa puffs, but LA, indeed, does have a subway system.


Last night I went to a concert with some gal pals at the Nokio Theater. Instead of braving LA traffic we decided to meet up at the North Hollywood subway entrance and ride a train down to the concert.

I've experimented with LA public transportation before. Jersey and I took the train a couple of times downtown for exploration purposes. It's a fun adventure. (I totally recommend it.) It was always on the weekends and always during the day, though.

Taking the train at night is a completely different experience. I saw the tired coming home from long arse shifts; kids with bikes and skateboards giving their wheels a break to get from point A to point B; and families.

There were these two children in particular that I just couldn't stop watching. Two boys, one probably 10, the other 6 or so, sat together while their mama slept in the seat behind them. The older of the two, obviously the protector, made sure his brother had water and snacks and when the youngest got tired, his brother let him lay on his lap. With one hand the eldest clung to a black ball while he stroked the young one's hair in the other.

It was unbelievably touching. I love seeing siblings being so kind and loving which each other. Especially little boys...especially little boys who look like my guy bestie in Middle Earth, Fat.

"Human kindness is overflowing...and I think it's gonna rain today..."

Forget Objects Without Purpose

"Forget objects without purpose and tables too dainty to hold a stiff drink..." ~ Anonymous

Not sure if everyone would classify this as a stiff drink, but it does some powerful ish to me so I'll count it!

I've been loving on some fruit/veggie smoothies every morning...I keep 90% of my day raw and vegetarian. No alcohol and Starbucks' tall potions of doom only on the really scary haggard days.

Feeling good. Feeling great. Can't wait for my tummy chub to take the bait . (You like my rhyming skills?)

As for the beginning of the quote...I'm all for forgetting the objects without purpose. My problem is giving every object purpose. There's a special corner for the likes of me.

Coaxing a Mood

I overhead a woman on This American Life use the phrase, "We were coaxing a mood out of him," and it stuck with me.

I'm still allowing that idea of having the power to coax a mood out of someone roll around in my brain. I'm not too sure it's possible to coax moods. Well, I take that back. I think it's easy to coax a bad mood out of someone. (Try talking to Jersey about the sucker punch to Carmelo Anthony's nuts he witnessed in yesterday's game and you'll see just how quickly his mood changes!)

Changing someone's mood for the better is hard, though. I have two friends currently suffering from BFH (breakups from hell) and there's no consoling those types of sadness.

I remember being there. Time and a lot of Something's Gotta Give...those were the only things that could pull my butt out of the belly of the beast.

I hate not being able to help. Us clowns live for smiles. Any suggestions on how to coax?

Please share.

PS I've already tried getting them to say, "I have farted in my pants and am now one with the world." It didn't work.

Meaning in the Meager

I love my cleaning toys. I have a weird thing for cleaning. I clean when I'm nervous. I clean when I'm bored. ...When I need to clear my head, de-stress, regroup, focus. Cleaning is my drug. 

I'm kind of anal about germs and bacteria and infestations of deadly parasites sent from hostile planets. That's why I love my shark toy. It's this steamer mop thing that blasts the ish out of the bad and leaves my floors clean and sanitized just the way I like them. 

NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!

CaFAM

Last night I went to the Craft and Folk Art Museum with some gal pals to partake in craft night. Yeah, I know. It sounds adorable, right?

I would have called it adorable too if I wouldn't have had a "Pretty Woman" moment. The minute I walked in there was this really snarky bad energy lingering around that I couldn't shake. Like bad...The folks at the counter were moody and short with me and then the chick in the gift shop was ignoring me like I was the stinky girl on a hot day. I WAS gonna buy something, but never the mind. She worked on commission I hope.

Ignoring all of that (which I failed at miserably) it could be a really fun experience to share with your friends. I mean you're sitting at a big table, cutting out shapes and painting with your pals. 

I mean, I bought finger paints for home and I sit and do that on the weekend by myself like it's nobody's business! Inviting more people to the painting boom boom room is always preferred! 

These stationary sets came with instructions on how to make origami. One set featured geisha doll origamis. I geeked, but then wondered what I'd do with all the paper geishas after that...(hmmm Good question.)

Out, damn spot!

We got right down to business. Printmaking in its finest hour. 

Still trying to figure out why Jose and Jim were on all the pencils???

While our printmaking paper cutouts were drying, we got to go upstairs and check out the museum. Right now baseball is on display. I dug the green walls immensely. Loved the memorabilia. I would have dug seeing Negro League ish, but sadly they were without. They DID manage to wrastle up some Women's League stuff, though! "We're one for all, we're all for one! We're all American!" 

Crushed coffee cups. Don't ask me...It's art.

Loved this woman's doodle face.

art. schmart. fart.bart.

Don't Talk to Me When I'm Watching My Soaps!

Okay, I'm sort of obsessed with watching Christine (The YouTube show) right now.

Not only does the writer/creator agree that a woman should always step in to give the show and its integrity the woman's perspective, he also makes sure women direct as well. The webisodes are smart, short and intriguing.

Episode 7 left me screaming, "Whaaaaaaaaaa!" out loud. Are you kidding me Christine?! NO.YOU.DIDN'T!

All I need is some bonbons and hair rollers. I have a soap.

Love Interest

Vanie Poyey, the last photographer I used for headshots, pimped me on one of her blog posts. I snorted a tiny bit when I saw love interest there. Silly mortal...

The Shack

As a self-proclaimed book whisper I firmly believe that a book chooses you. It finds you when its darn good ready to be read. It tweaks, changes, adjusts, enlightens, inspires, teaches...My word, it does ALL THE THINGS and it's beautiful.

It's been a looong time since a book has chosen me. I've been on my book club kick and I've been THE slowest reader so I never have time to for my own ish. That is until the Shack came along. People have been telling me about it for so long and then randomly it appeared in a pile of books a friend was giving away so I picked it up and took it home.

Fast forward a couple months; I finally get to the book. I couldn't put it down. It started out pretty lame. (If I'm being honest.) The writing was bland. The author spent a little too much time setting up the story. Luckily I kept going. A couple chapters in and the tone, language and subject content changed for the better and I was hooked. Without giving anything away, I started out thinking the book was one thing. Then after a couple of chapters I thought it was something else. Then I got deeper and it was something else and then once I got the purpose of the book and all that my mind was BLOWN.

I finished it this week and I cried. Jersey's reading it with me so I can't wait for him to finish. I need to talk about this book with someone!

If you've read it you should holler at me. I need to pick a brain!

Song + Photo

A little of my summer vacation in Oregon...



Joni Mitchell's The Cactus Tree:

There'sa man who's climbed a mountain
And he's calling out her name
And he hopes her heart can hear three thousand miles
He calls again

He can think her there beside him

He can miss her just the same

He has missed her in the forest

While he showed her all the flowers

And the branches sang the chorus

As he climbed the scaley towers

Of a forest tree

While she was somewhere being free