When It's Hard

11.13.2012
When the dream is hard, it's HARD. Forget about the no's and the judgmental looks...the sideways stares and the sleazy casting directors...When your agent calls you up and chews you a new one for not being able to make an audition you just want to curl up in a ball and die the big die.

Here's the deal. I want to act more than anything else in the world so when someone scolds me like a punk for having to say no to an audition (that I would never say no to unless I had a really damn good reason for turning down) I just want to pop them in the throat.

It's been a hard couple of months. I've had two auditions. That's it. No callbacks. No bookings. I've been out here for seven years and I can't remember the last year I worked. I feel like a joke. I see people accomplishing their goals and getting the dreams they want all the time. I don't know if I'm supposed to take this as a hint to give up.

When does a smart girl throw in the towel? I wrote my acting coach/mentor and asked that. I'm losing that spark that's necessary out here...hitting that moment when a super duper dreamer starts to see things more clearly. Shocks of reality suck balls.

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