Well Versed in Humility

11.21.2012
This morning I sat down at my computer and began to work...just like every other day.
Made my smoothie, threw my hair up in a bun, wiped the sleepy from my eyes and exhaled out the morning funk.

I mentioned in my last post that I had hit a bottom. Not sure if it was rock bottom, but it was pretty damn close. I'm an extreme dreamer. At four I had so much conviction that my life would be in film. I felt it in my bones. Then last week happened and for the first time in my life I wondered if the younger starry-eyed me had landed in some cruel joke of a reality--a reality that had nothing at all to do with film and I bawled. Ooooh, I cried and cried and I moped and stopped believing in miracles and fortunate circumstances.

Lucky for me J is a serious hippity dippity spiritual junkie. She talked, listened and advised me to keep on reading emails like The Daily Love and watching vlogs like GabbyTV. I also kept up the meditation challenge that she suggested. Each evening I'd sit and meditate and try to find answers to all the pain and confusion.

The outcome: I let it all go. I let the counting signs go...the superstitions...the mind bullying  all of it. I decided that none of that matters...I have no wonky weird control over when I'll make it. The universe is gonna do what it wants to do and I HAVE to start accepting its schedule instead of my own. Hard, but giving it all up and admitting that I've done enough and now it's just time to live life and see what happens was the final outcome.

...So I exhaled the morning funk out and my phone rang. I couldn't pick up because I was on a call, but the minute it went to voice mail I muted my phone and listened to the message. My agent was calling to tell me I had booked my very first commercial job. SEVEN YEARS...I put down the phone and immediately began to bawl. It's such a weird feeling...the idea of releasing control and being okay with  a "Que Sera" mentality is HAWD...but I'll be darned if the Universe wasn't giving me a little smart ass hint that I was FINALLY getting what I'm supposed to do.

I'm humbled and confused and happy and crack-headish. I'm thankful that this time I was able to see a beautiful light come out of all that darkness. I know firsthand just how abnormal and random that is (seven years, y'all!)

I am thankful. I am learning. I am an actress.

2 comments:

  1. Best. Post. Ever. :)

    SO PROUD OF YOU!!! And this so just the beginning...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Yeah! absolutely the best post! Congrats!!!!!

    ReplyDelete

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