Acting | Ask and You Shall Sort of Get

11.14.2012

This is me. This is me stressed out of my frickin mind. This is my second audition for the day. I woke up wee early, went into my full-time job's office building to have a meeting with my boss and found out I had not one, but TWO auditions and I needed to leave three minutes ago. I handled my business and got to both auditions. 

Yeah, I may have missed the memos for dress code. I didn't have a "cop" outfit and I wasn't casual/conservative enough for the other, but I made it, damn it...And it was stressful, and tiring and hella heartbreaking. 

Yes, I want to act more than anything, but this period of the dream...zooming and zigzagging through the streets of LA, running to this dead end to that, sitting beside creepy smart kids and women who are allergic to food and happiness...well it's a hot mess. It makes ME a hot mess. 

I recently started doing meditations with Jersey before bed. (J hipped me to a really great challenge.) The night before the day of auditions we focused on this centering thought, "Today, I embrace my potential to be, do, and have whatever I can dream."

This meditation thing is powerful! Don't you think? So now I have to figure out how to be grateful for the crazy...while at the same time better defining what exactly it is I was wishing for. I'm allowed to focus and edit my dream! I'm ready for film work and parts that make my heart soar. I'm ready for the excitement and the fun. I'm also ready for a nap. 

After my agent chewed me a new one the other night I wrote my mentor. As always she was able to talk me off the proverbial ledge. I'm sharing her words because I think anyone could relate to what she's saying. All of my hurt melted after reading her words. This is hard and I believe with all my heart I wouldn't have made it in LA without people like my mentor...that doesn't make me any less worthy of my dream. It doesn't mean I should quit. Just means I'm a stubborn arse; strong-willed woman. And maybe a bit crazy with a side of sensitive.

Dearest Tish,

I am so sorry you are feeling sad.  But please be gentle with yourself.  I know it sounds trite but things truly do happen for a reason.

Remember when you were little, and you wanted to play with someone but they didn't want to play with you?  You were too young, or they were doing something else, or whatever.  
It made you feel bad until a baby squirrel or a puppy or some other wonder said, Hi.  And now we don't even remember that person's name.  This too will pass.  You will be successful but in your own time.  
There is no right or wrong way to get to a destination as long as you are traveling toward it.

Remember the times when we have finished a scene and we feel like shit.  Sometimes its simply because we were performing a piece in which our character felt shitty.
So please ask yourself, "Whose thoughts are these?"  I just got home from an amazing meditation, which i do with a group but I felt bad when only seconds before I was in bliss.
When i asked myself whose thoughts are these, my soul answered the facilitator of the class.  She was feeling like she wasn't appreciated.  Your agent is feeling like she is not appreciated and so you feel like a fuck up because she doesn't feel appreciated.

You were simply taking care of you in that moment.  LA can't handle the truth.  If you told her you were bleeding like a castrated bull ,or you had just experienced a rape she would have been happy to cover for you with the casting director:)
What she needs to know is that you feel like an actor more than anything else in your life.  She'll get over it.  Make her cookies or something:)  Also would she have scheduled the audition later so you could have left work early thus honoring both? 
It was another possibility or would she still have needed power and said the same thing.  Who knows.

You were honest, Tish and that will be rewarded.  Maybe not right now but in your soul it will grow and nurture everything you do in the future.  You are an actor, a very good actor.
You are unique in a town that can't tell a woman unless she showing cleavage.  Unfortunately that is, what it is, but do you give up or do you show them something they have never seen before.  You are unique Tish, you will never be a sassy sistah or a ditzy blond or a stiletto wearing femme fatal you are an Ann Hathaway or a Sandra Bullock or TISH MERRITT!

There are solar flares and Mercury retrograde and a Solar eclipse tomorrow and the planet is trying to give birth to herself right now so progress is not very likely for anyone.  The best thing to do is read a good book, make love and visualize how you see your life playing out.  And please don't be a tight wad with your dreams.  Dream bigger! Whatever you create is what it will be.

I know you hurt and are looking at all the things you did wrong today, but please look at all the things you did right for your soul.

I am up right now if you wish to talk.

With love and respect and so much faith in you,

(Mentor)


3 comments:

  1. That is one bad ass mentor. She's so right, too!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love the line "but please look at all the things you did right for your soul." Don't dwell on what went wrong, always remember the brightside!

    We talked in church this evening about being thankful for everything, including sin. Why would we be thankful for sin? Without sin we would not know and grasp God's love & mercy. So through sin it brings us closer to Him and for that I am thankful.

    You will do great things Tish, just keep your head high and your heart happy!

    ReplyDelete

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