Something's been stirring the last couple of weeks.
For reasons I haven't quite figured out yet my circle of friends has begun to shrink...to the point of tears a couple of times and late night pillow talks with the fella wondering what the heck has been going on.
I've always been a friendship champion; coveting my friendships as prized gifts. Not sure if that's why I find myself in this current predicament, but current insights have caused a reawakening.
I give and I give and I give. Jersey says I give too much. I'm offering free this and sharing this...hooking people up with information, job opportunities, I provide beds to crash in, shoulders to cry on, the shirts off my back, I help clean homes, I'm helping HELPING HELPING...BUT the minute I can't because of whatever solid reason the folks just flit away.
By definition that means they're not friends. I get that, but it still sucks. It's growing lonelier and lonelier out there. It's making the wedding guest list a lot easier to figure out, but it sucks for my morale. I have to re-evaluate. I feel used, chewed up and spit out and that, dear readers, is not a warm and fuzzy feeling to have.
Friendship is supposed to be reciprocal. It's supposed to be honest and kind and present, damn it.
I sat in bed late last night asking myself what does all this mean. When the idea of reciprocity came up I had my answer.
I'm moving into some new, wonky chapter of life that is totally foreign to me. Instead of fighting it I'm just gonna keep moving with this new solo flow. It's time to stop with thinking I have all the answers and know the Master Plan.
I may not be trending, but the idea of relinquishing control is.
Today I stick by the gospel known as Oprah.
Labels: heartbreak kid