A Little Less of This

I know some gals dream about tulle and flowers that would feed a small bee country, but that ish seriously makes my ass twitch...Makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. I'm the anti-wedding chick. I've finally made peace with that. Every time I open up a bridal magazine I start to hive like Carrie when she tried on dresses with Miranda.

"Just rip it off!!!" 

I don't like poof. I loathe floral decor...words like traditional...(shivers) Folks asking me what my color palette will be... All that is for the birds...The below is my nightmare.

As punishment for not being a normal bride I ended up at the CRAZIEST bridal expo yesterday. Those chicks were scary and then some. We walked in and immediately were screamed at by a crazy bride who thought we were cutting in front of her (the first 50 guests received a swag bag.) I knew then I was in the wrong damn place.

There were a lot of "interesting" brides there...cheap, tacky and scary and the vendors weren't any better. Jersey and I were scared to even approach most of the booths. I did find this diamond in the ruff chick who SOOoooOOOO didn't belong there. She had not one silk ribbon wrapped around a large glass vase with purple colored glass rocks. She worked with Malibu vinyards and the venue we hope to God we can book. Needless to say NO ONE was at her booth. (They were too busy signing up for the sexy pictures any classy bride should give to her groom on their wedding day.) 

I was scared, but ish got real when the MC for the "fashion show" said the first person who came up to the stage and showed a hole in their sock would win a $50 gift certificate to an all-you-can-eat. That's when I knew God had a sense of humor. 


  1. oh dear goodness.

    i'm cracking up, and so confused as to why the national anthem was appropriate?


    One summer in college I worked at the Hawthorne House (wedding venue) oh man...best summer job. Oh the stories I could tell.

  2. I don't either. The whole darn thing was foreign to me lol. I think I have one more in me. That's IT!

    ...I need to hear those stories.


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