It's taken me my current lifetime to figure out friendships. While I was EXTREMELY lucky to find my Jenn (she's totally mine!) at such an early age I will be the first to admit that it was never work...never hard...never a burden to keep that friendship going strong. So while it looked like I was this wise friendship expert, I never really had to work and struggle--that necessary stuff you need in order to become a true expert.
That being said I've had one heck of a time figuring out all of my other friendships over the years. First of all, the very definition of friendship is subjective as a mother trucker! Ask me what it means to be a friend and I'll give you this self-full speech about how a friendship means you come to the relationship whole; honoring, building up; bettering; spoiling; cherishing and loving your friend to pieces. It's a very loyal "old school" way of thinking. I'm my own little rascal. If I could, I'd have a clubhouse for me and my buddies and we'd be the "Chicks before (boys') Sticks" group who met weekly to keep our sanity and estrogen going strong.
That's just me though. We've all read the poem about friends coming into our life for a season, right? Well that part doesn't suit too well with me. I know it happens. I know some things fizzle, but I hate the fizzle. I really do. If I've chosen to make someone family/sister/bestie material then I take it seriously and I work hard at maintaining it.
I've been REALLY working at this one friendship in particular. We grew a part for awhile. Had one nasty breakup last year, but we've since talked, made up and are trying. It's been super duper hard, though! I'm really putting myself out there...doing the whole honesty thing; exposing all of my insecurities and hangups...(something that pride would never allow me to do with anyone other than a sister friend!) but I'm thinking that we're not on the same life path or something...there's no umph from the other end that this friendship is necessary. I'm trying to verify that fact for sure before I just assume and move on...
Friendships in my kidult life have been so difficult! What happened to just knowing everything's cool and that your friends cherishes your relationship just as much as you? I'm trying to grow. I'm trying to practice love and empathy...both towards me and towards my friends.
I've been thinking a lot about all of this friendship stuff lately. It seems when I really focus on something, the Universe starts to magically place said thoughts into action. I just read this from one of my writing 'friends':
"I take friendships seriously because I respect what a tremendous gift a friendship is. And once you accept that gift, you have to decide which shelf to place it on and how often to dust the shelf and what goes next to it. It’s a big deal to me. Friends: they help us grow, they make us uncomfortable, they question us, they are fun, they are a joy, they are support. Mine are. Of course the older I get the fewer of these exist so I am grateful for the few. I think my expectations of the word friendship are rather high although I accept people for who they are. But accepting people for who they are means that one has different kinds of friends. I don’t need friends to “do” things. What I need from friendship is different because I am not afraid of being alone and I am able to enjoy doing things alone."
And the Universe speaks...I appreciate Annie's thoughts on the matter. Her expectations for friendships...not necessarily for the people. It takes a sweet, intelligent soul to see the differences.
...And now I've got some soul searching to do.