7.17.2012 that is. I was all ready to share this goofy post about how I went out and looked at engagement rings and how such acts of horror can scare the shat out of your boyfriend...I came home from that really fun time, turned on my computer and went to facebook and that's when I saw the most heartbreaking post from a friend.

A man she had JUST married two months ago had been in a fatal motorcycle accident and was gone.

All the breath...gone from my lungs.

I swear I thought it was a mean, cruel joke and I was planning on shaming some folks for their immaturity, but then I started seeing all the comments pouring in...the condolences and love and I lost it. Jersey sat beside me as I bawled and sobbed.

My friend is pregnant...she's going to have their baby without the father being there. I know she's an amazing, strong, empowered woman, but that still broke my heart. Because she was SO in love with this guy...all the pictures she would post...her smile was always so big.

I attended a funeral earlier this year. I find myself crying for my friend's late-husband just as hard as I cried for my boyfriend's father. I had never even met her husband. There's just something about that specific loss...the unexpected shock that brings me to my knees.

There are no profound words to share. I'm just heartbroken and scared out of my mind and I don't know why I'm scared. I don't know why I want to push all engagement and wedding talk away instead of embrace it. Life is short, but I'm not acting rationally.


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