It's weird how I can go about my business; writing this blog and all and not mention a single peep about the therapy or depression that kicked my ass this time last year.

I'm still seeing the man who prescribes the happy pills. Stopped seeing "The Angel" back in December. That part of the deal worked beautifully. Now I just have a little while longer to be on the happy pills and I should be good to go.

It's so weird that popping a pill every morning has become such a normal part of my life. I think Jersey, family and friends have forgotten that I still do that ish. I've been so yellow mellow afterall...

The thing is I'm still hella scared about the whole depression thing. You know that commercial on tv for anti-depression medication? The one where she is already on something but her scary arse depression/shadow thing still follows her around? Well that's my frickin nightmare!


I had a nightmare a week or so ago that left me in a pool of sweat when I jerked away. The whole dream was about how I could feel depression coming back. The tangible, gross, scary feeling that I still remember and feel in my bones. Terrifying...

So every six weeks I check in with my doc and tell him how I'm feeling on the drugs. He pretends to write something fascinating down and then five minutes later I'm out of that piece. It's kind of a cold process, but whatever. It's all chemical at this point anways...

Scary enough, right after I thought this post was finished I opened up my blog feed and read this post from Dooce about a man who lost all hope and ended his life. It's for situations like this that I discuss my issues so openly. Keeping that kind of sadness and truth locked up inside is poisonous and dangerous.


  1. i agree!

    you're brave and beautiful for sharing.

    life is hard.
    hard. hard. hard.

    but full of joy too :)

    and really, what makes life tolerable, and even pretty fantastic, is sharing those things (the hard and the joy) with others.

    so thanks.

  2. <3 You're such a beautiful spirit Tara. I've experienced folks who shared my depression with strangers and called me crazy. People like that make it hard to keep opening up. People like you make it all worth it.


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