If I'm to pop back zits, then you are to adhere to any and all beauty rules I may suggest for you including clay masks and conditioners. You obviously think I'm capable of handling grave and serious beauty tasks. Extend that trust.
If I make dinner you do the dishes. If you make dinner, you also still do the dishes. (Did I stutter?)
Forgetting to remove your whisker clippings from the shower or bathroom sink can and will more than likely result in a piss pump punch.
When I fart it's cute and hilarious. When you fart, you need to get your behind to the man cave quick. That ish is nasty.
You're not allowed to get mad at me for punching the shat out of you while I'm sleeping. (Apparently I did this two nights ago.) I have the tiniest, skinniest, wimpiest arms known to man or woman. I doubt I can hurt your behind. YOU on the other hand have sucker punched me not once, not twice, but THREE times while you were sleeping which knocked me out of bed on two occasions, which is why your piss pump would always hurt the next morning. Just saying.
I need coffee on Fridays. Cinnamon dolce latte with soy. No whip. And possibly a little note/card with it that states that rules were a brilliant and thoughtful idea.
...I love that he doesn't read my ish. Mwahahahaaaa