Hand Out

1.25.2012
Yesterday I had to make a quick run to the grocery store. I had just come from a run, I was sweaty, stinky and as I told the sad woman outside of the sliding doors, without any cash.

I went in and got the Splenda for Jersey...some vegetables for a salad, paid for my food and hopped out the door. As I was walking towards the exit doors I could see people's smiles fading. They'd put their heads down and shake no's towards the woman asking for help. I walked past her; feeling ashamed and drove off.

And then that nagging pain that ALWAYS hits me slapped me in the face. Who was I to ignore someone starving right in front of me? Who was I to think she chose her path...

I turned my car around, parked, marched right up to her and told her to come inside with me....that I would buy her food. She told me she didn't want anything to spoil but asked if I'd get her a gift card for any amount I could spare; so I went in and did just that.

I didn't feel better per say afterwards...it wasn't about making me feel better about my privilege. That whole when you give it's really a gift for you stuff didn't kick in. I just felt the need to not be like the people who put their heads down. Why do we do that? Why do we ignore? What's an apple or two to us?

I'm still a bit emotional about it...her eyes haunt me...she was obviously embarrassed to have her hand out, but I imagine her skinny little body didn't really care what people thought.

I can't always give...but I want to. I always imagine they could be me. I could be them...and you never know just how quickly your situation can change.

Trying to shake off that sadness.

2 comments:

  1. oh tish.

    i love you.

    i loved that you listened to the whispering of your soul, or the Spirit, or whatever you'd like to call it!!

    It's a good reminder for me to be a little more sensitive to that kind of quiet direction in my own life.

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tara you always say the best things...xoxo to you too!

    ReplyDelete

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