Open

8.31.2011
The next book in rotation is Open by Andre Agassi. J has been urging me to pick this bad boy up for quite some time and now I see why.

It's frickin addicting. Honesty just pours out of it and he's SO good at descriptions...I'm kind of in love with him and his wife. Even Jersey is reading this bad boy. Luckily, Stella the iPad allows multiple people to read at once. (Digital bookmarks RULE!)

I haven't even mentioned the best part. This book is a library download! It's free! I get it for 20 something days so pelvic thrusts for thrifty bookworms, yo!

Packing Up

Jersey is making me finally watch all of my Oprahs. Yes, people...I have been hoarding the last season and refuse to watch them...I don't want to let her go, but we're about to leave this apartment and that means we shall lose this particular cable box that holds my darling Oprahs so I've been watching two-a-day...counting down the day he cruely cuts off the cable for good.

Let the grieving start back up again.

Honoring...

In the midst of some needlessly crazy drama, I'm finding it difficult to multitask.

I've found myself free of negative "friendships" and open to honoring the phenomenal women that I can see are good for me, BUT that doesn't stop me from thinking some nasty, mean things about certain females.

I'm not naive. I realize not every gal is a good egg and that I can't say something nice about the rotten chicks, but can I realize that without focusing on it? Because the LAST thing I want to do is pull those bad people back towards me! I figure my life will go where my eyes go first. So for now...I choose to look at the good people and celebrate the lovely adjectives that make these women some kind of snazzy.


Of course J is first. She's the soul mate, the bestie and the one person I have to gab with every day in order to maintain sanity. She's responsible for my gratitude lists, my positive perspectives and obviously she's the root cause for my loving Gingers so much.

I can feel it in the air...we're starting to plan our next outing...it's in the works and I shall squeal like a pig when that stuff is set in stone. While emails and phone calls are lovely, I need to see this chick's face at least twice a year.

Love the friends who bring out your best...love the friends who give you their best...honor the friendship that produces the best.

Jack of All Trades

8.30.2011

Cute as a button AND bakes awesome banana bread...I am a lucky terd.

Weekend Recap

Jersey and I flew to Sacramento to celebrate my play sister's birthday. It felt so gooood hopping on that plane and getting the heck out of Los Angeles. We've been searching like two piggies searching for truffles for a dang apartment...it really took it out of us. I was losing kiwi power rapidly. We've had to save, save, SAVE in order to pay not only a last month's rent,a  "first month's rent, but also we knew we'd have to pay on the current place too...overlapping SUUUUCKS the green stuff right out of your pockets I tell ya!

So yeah...a cheap, affordable vacay with good peeps? Yes, please!

Play sis picked us up from the airport and the rest of the weekend was a blur of good eats, fast and stressful driving (luv ya sis, but youz a crazy road rager!) and friend-y stuff like house partying, laughing and catching up...

Those kinds of weekends always seem to flash by. Before we knew it, we had landed safely back in LA and were chilling at the LACMA drooling over Tim Burton's awesome art. That man's mind is amazing. Who knew suburban (Burbank) life could do that to a bloke.


✴1. Goofs on a plane, 2. Obsessed with Hurricane Irene...and Diane Sawyer, 3. Chele brought accessories to make a new Sac bar The Dive more festive, 4. Beautiful mojito from Azul, 5. House party essentials, 6. Pinnacle, 7. Waiting in line for THE best french toast...IN THE WORLD, 8. LACMA time, 9. Tim Burton, 10. Entrance to awesome pure weirdness, 11. Great day at LACMA! ✴



Patience is a Virtue



I'm impulsive when it comes to shopping because I hate shopping and I don't want to sit on web sites and wait or keep going back to dreadful malls in hopes that something is on sale...I have better ish to be doing...like writing about poop...and EDITING MY FRICK-A-FRACKIN BOOK!

The dress above was the first time, in the history of me having money to shop for my own ish, that I was ever patient. I saw that beautiful goddess frock and gasped. Then I gasped again when I saw the price. Then I said "Shaw, right! And monkeys might fly out of my butt!" and then I went about my business....but the dress kept calling me. Every time I'd forget about her Jersey would bring up how awesome the dress was or I'd stumble across it randomly on my Pinterest page and my heart would twist in knots. Still...I'm cheap and that dress didn't go on sale.

That is until this passed weekend went it went down redonkulously a lot and THEN a friend of mine who has a friend who works at Jcrew offered to give me her discount so now that dress that I never would have been able to afford in a million kazillion years is Forever 21-priced. (Happy pelvic thrusting!!!)

It was meant to be....That is all.

On Mini Holiday

8.29.2011
Jersey and I are currently on mini holiday in Northern California.

We shall not return until Tuesday and THAT my friends is a beautiful thing. We've rested, we've had some goody mob spirits with friends and eaten like little black holes. It's not over yet, either! Today we plan to board a plane and catch an exhibit at LACMA. I've been needing some culture in my life.

I'll also have an update laters on the menjay regarding one of the emotional vampires, but before I can go there I need to do some breathing exercises... A little woo saw.

It was a lovely weekend, but I knew that going in. Jersey and I were bouncing off the walls all frickin day on Friday. Sometimes you just have to take a break from routine...Weekend trips to visit friends does a body good.


Geeked for the trip


I luv him enough to give up the window seat...


In Stages

8.26.2011
Jersey and I are so geeked to have space! We've been spazzing (just a bit) over how we'll decorate...He gets a man room and the garage. I get all the bathrooms, the master bedroom as well as the writing nook, dining room and kitchen...(pelvic thrusts in 5,4,3...)

It'll definitely come in stages...and I mean LONG stages but I'm STILL thrusting and fist pumping. I leaped through the living room. I haven't leaped in many, many moons.



One small step for Jersey and I...one giant leap for the decorating duo!!!

Sacramento Sister

Oodle-lay Oodle-la!

After work today I shall be hopping on a plane-a-roo with Jersey. We're visiting my play sis, (The Professor) and I couldn't be more excited.

It's her birthday this weekend so we're heading to Sacramento to celebrate. I absolutely LOVE visiting this woman. She's a fun hostess...when I say the girl can make a mean gummy bear cocktail...

I'm not jesting when I say she throws down!

This will be Jersey's first time visiting her and her husband's home so I'm even more stoked than usual. Professor is one of those movers and shakers who keep the world going 'round. She's always up for trying new things...new restaurants, new games, new foods, new new new! Finally Jersey will see why I love visiting this woman so much. It's like Aladdin time every day there!

We took Monday off and plan to check out the Tim Burton exhibit at LACMA, too. When I say I can't wait for this dreadful work week to be over so lovely can begin....


Acknowledging that Good 'Ole Abundance!

So I'm sitting at the Toyota dealership... Whining and wriggling over the reality that I had let those sneaky car blokes sucker me into thinking my brakes were in desperate need of new pads. Darn it all I hate dishing out money I haven't made peace with losing! I didn't get to say bye...I didn't get to mourn the loss...

Breath Tish, breath! Stop looking at your bank account! Stop worrying! All will be fine. Ramon noodles can work for awhile.  I was going over my version of affirmations when I overheard this happy woman leaving a message for her friend about an audition she was going on this weekend. She had planned to drive up to Northern Cali for the Sade concert (people, I eavesdrop) but now she was flying so she could make it to the audition and then get to the concert in time. (All My Sons at the Matrix.) I sat there thinking about how lucky she was that she could just book a plane trip that easily...with no concern for costs...sigh...amor...dreams, dreams, dreams.

My DNA is pretty hardwired. My first reaction was to cry inside; compare my luck to the luck of this beautiful woman's and sign up for the pity party in room B, but then I remembered abundance breeds abundance and with that, room B's door gently closed shut.

I smiled that someone physically existing in my presence was making it... And succeeding and loving her life and her circumstances...loving the auditioning process and her friends. According to the theory, news such as this isn't supposed to represent a slap in the face...it's little signs to let you know you're in the right spot.

THIS good news had made it's way into my life for a reason...THAT made me smile. It's no coincidence that my agent called the same day to push me into getting new head shots and to set up a meeting to renew my contract. Out of ALL the days that my agent could have called...

This is a new day, y'all. I'm quick to compare and then throw my body over some proverbial cliff...that new page I turned states that cliffs aren't really my bag. Abundance!!!

Reverse House Warming Gift

8.25.2011
So I kind of love our new land lady. Mark originally met her without me so she was warned that I'm pretty particular when it came to apartments...I could see a look of fear in her eyes when I walked in and waited for her to close the door to see if it would cancel out the noise coming from outside.

I stopped being a hussy brat after that, though because she's seriously too sweet and kind for words. You can tell that she loved the townhome we'll be renting. They had lived there for 11 years...She spent those years putting her personal touches on everything. The whole place explodes with loveliness.

I have a knack for getting people to just splurge their business with me. By the end of my tour I had learned that the only reason they were moving is because their eldest daughter wanted a room of her own. (Now you KNOW I love a gal who wants a room of her own!)  She told me how the youngest was really sad. I assumed she was scared, but her mom was quick to point out I couldn't be more wrong.

Apparently the oldest tells her sibling fairy tales every night before bed and the little one misses that time she had with her sis. That about just melted my little biddy heart. I couldn't resist.

Today at noon we'll sign the paperwork and I shall present the Mrs. with a little gift for the girls--Ramona and Beezus--Jersey and I's favorite kid's movie. Ya just have to spoil the crap out of relationships such as that.

Seriously...

A little thank you for helping us find the perfect casa de kiwi!

Weird, Random Ailment

On Tuesday, I developed a bit of weirdness in my upper abdomen. I felt a hungry, dull pain there that just wouldn't go away.

I went to bed uncharacteristically early and woke up Wednesday with the same darn pain I thought I'd kicked in my sleep. Turns out my symptoms match up pretty consistently to someone experiencing gallbladder issues.

Here's the rub: I refuse to go to the ER. We're about to move and I don't feel like paying two grand because I sat on a gurney in some weird hospital for three hours while counting male nurses like sheep.

What happened to those lovely men that used to travel town to town selling magic tonics? I need some Tussin right about now. FLARB!

Barbaric


Jersey gutted a baby chicken. I don't know how I can date such a cruel, barbaric human being. This little one never had a chance...His poor little guts displayed for me to mourn.

I sleep with one eye open...

FBG Assignment

8.24.2011
Apparently the FBG goddesses love me, because they gave me an AWESOME assignment (that will be divulged later yo!) last night. I asked one of LA's number one FBG fans (Celina--one half of the Loverchinis) to attend with me and off we were!

I had a blast hanging out and learning something new with my gal pal. We drank, took notes and laughed for a good couple of hours. I absolutely LOVE it when I can share positive adventures with good people. Abundance breeds abundance!

We're Moving!!!

Holy bumber dicks!!! We're moving!!! I've been wanting to share the news that we had found a most glorious and perfect town home, but alas the last groovy spot we found was snatched out from underneath us so I decided not to jinx it. Do you know how hard it is for ME to keep something bottled up inside?!

Pure agony.

Any who, we shall be moving mid September and I can not wait. I woke up this morning, sick as a dog, and still managed to hop around my room for a couple of seconds wondering what I can pack up first. We're hiring a moving company this time around so moving doesn't phase me as much as it used to...

Best part of this whole darn thing...I shall have my very own writing nook! Didn't I say I wanted one of those? Well I did on Facebook so if we're friends there you probably saw it. Ask and you shall receive...

I shall have a nook. Jersey shall have a man cave/guest bedroom. (Do you know how hard it will be to give this dude full control on decorating the room my parents will be staying in when they come to visit?...sigh sigh sigh...) AND we shall have oodles and oodles of space. How I missed space! Our current pad is a tiny arse shack. I can't wait to give it and it's issues the middle finger...full extension...won't even care that my finger looks like E.T.'s.

We've been looking for so long...Yesterday I was at an event for FBG when Jersey texted, "We got the place!" and I swear I almost started crying right there and then as the celebrity secret carried on with her demonstration.

No more apartment hunting for us!!! Can sign...Can pen-a-men! Can sign! Can pen-a-men!!!

I've been keeping the application receipt on our fridge like a mad woman...staring it down every chance I got.

Holy Shat!!!

8.23.2011
My Twinkie is FAMOUS!!!


I just came back from a superstar athlete's mansion...an athlete who now will not stop popping up all over frickin ESPN for me to see and still that does not star strike me any where NEAR this level of awesome exposure...

Twinkie's blog was quoted in The Express Newspaper today!!! I told y'all her blog rocks. I told you, didn't I?! My friends are writing ROCKSTARS!



Limitless

Limitless was a good darn movie, y'all!!!

Crazy poetic-like lights and quick camera angles + an excellent story line + a character I could root for + girls (plural) I could root for + everyone's dream...well, every NERD'S dream = TOTALLY WICKED!!! (Dash Incredible-style)

I didn't gush over Bradley Cooper, (he's not really my bag, baby) but I DID drool over his brain's capabilities. He finished his first novel in four days. FOUR DAYS!!! How beautiful is THAT!!! He did a lot of other awesome things like organize and clean too and THAT makes me happy! Like super duper Mr. Clean! Mr. Clean happy!

Okay, so maybe not everyone's into cleaning quite like me...the movie's still good, though! I recommend watching it when you start to brain fart, or when you're stuck on a project, or when you've got writer's block at the wazoo...This movie will make you WISH the movies were real.


Emotional Vampires

"Certain activities, attitudes, foods, and persons support the cultivation of an unconscious life. They draw us away from our center. They throw us off-balance. They deplete the soul."~Patricia Lynn Reilly

Oh the agony an emotional vampire can afflict upon the innocent! I've dealt with some pretty hardcore Level 10-emotional vampires this year, but fortunately, I also turned 30, too. I don't know why, but I decided a long time ago that 30 meant I was grown like my momma...which meant I could no longer have petty, weird, emotionally draining "friends" anymore.

I'm sure you're thinking, "Um, Tishy...you don't have to be 30 in order to kick the bad eggs to the curb." But it wasn't that easy for me y'all! I'm the Queen of PP...not urine, but people pleasing. I hate making people cry. Even worse I hate disappointing people...even worse than that I hate it when they don't like me so I bend in almost impossible ways to accommodate others...

Well, I did.... In the last couple of months I've managed to let go.
It really was a no brainer cut. Every time this vampire asked me to hang out I'd hang my head in defeat. I'd groan and moan all the way over to her house. I'd listen as she complained about this and that. I'd grimace as she screamed about all the bad and negative things she sought out and focused on and I'd try my hardest to zone out as she badmouthed and made fun of all of her friends. "Oh she shouldn't really be driving that car. She can't afford it. That friend isn't a good friend because she didn't hang out with me 24/7 at this weekend retreat we went to..." Ever met a vampire like that?
I feel like I'm starting with a clean slate. Forget New Years! The summer was my do over! Now I'm just working on the next chapters...How to rebuild the emotional losses I endured...how to appreciate and honor those who are in my life with good intentions....How to hide the unsightly holes left over from years of suckage. : )

To be continued...

Apartment Stories from the Walking Dead

8.22.2011
Oh the agony of apartment hunting!

Jersey and I have been searching for weeks now. We came close, finding one place that we both fell in love with, but the stupid snail-of-a-lady took forever to get back to us on our application stuff and so someone else slipped in and stole it out from under us.

Friday after work we went and looked at two places...

The first one was enough to make a grown woman suck her teeth. It was feet away from a strip club and liquor store...NICE! Jersey joked that every Tuesday he'd leave me a note saying he'd be at our neighbors. Hmph...I would SO love to bring my family and his family out to California and expose them to our neighbor's booby tassels.

The other apartment we saw was in the midst of being destroyed by a UCLA Bruin boy who smoked like a chimney and smelled of stinky stank...I seriously looked at the apartment manager who had just told us the place was mad popular and wouldn't last long on the market and twitched.

We're seriously Goldilocks-ing the whole search adventure. One place is too small...the other doesn't have a washer and dryer...next one has too many crackheads...sigh. We just want a moderately big place that feels like home...

The day we find our place is the day my smile outshines the dang sun.

Nancy Drew and the Concubine

I swear Amy Tan's book, The Kitchen God's Wife, was pulsing through my brain this entire weekend. Let me start from the beginning though...

So my gal pal, *Lola, only wanted one thing for her 31st birthday--to go away with four of her girlfriends for a relaxing getaway. That's all we friends were allowed to know. We were told to pack swimming suits and books and get ready to relax so I did and shimmied all the way up to the valley early Saturday morning ready for some peace and lady love.

We found out about an hour into the car drive that we were going to be staying at a major league baseball player's summer home...We'd have a chef for the day and night and we'd do nothing but relax. We pulled up to this beautiful home near the ocean and that's when my inner "Danger, Will Robinson!" alarms went off. While this place was UNBELIEVABLY awesome and dream-like, we were staying at a professional athlete's house...An athlete who happened to see us pulling up as he was going out...An athlete who wasn't supposed to be at the casa that weekend, but now was planning to come and hang out later.

In Amy Tan's book, there's this woman who goes to play mahjong with some gal pals at some rich dude's house. That night as she slept, the big bad rich dude sneaked into her bed and raped her. Then she was shamed by her people and forced to be the guy's concubine. AHHH! The story just wouldn't stop playing repeat in my head.

The entire day I was jumpy as heck. I kept waiting for a group of men to walk in and start throwing girls over their shoulders...Kid you not. During the day we remained safe. We girls had the place all to ourselves...we drank champagne by the pool, we ate delicious food and laughed our brains out. I read...it was just what the doctor ordered.

As soon as the sun went down, the horrors popped back up. I had taken a picture of a statue of a winged man that my camera would never capture. It was freaking me out...I swear that thing was haunted somehow. The ghost factor didn't help my nerves so when Lola asked if I would go inside and investigate the ghost statue I was on edge. We went inside, creeped up to the statue, she snapped and then asked me what was that noise she had heard and I TOOK OFF! I ran so fast out of that darn house I don't even remember my feet touching stone.

The scene I created was enough to break the ice with the fellas outside. My adrenaline brought out my inner dork/geek/nerd. When *Mr. Major Leagues showed up later that night I was on top of my dork game and totally forgot to put my anti-concubine shield up...turns out it wasn't needed. The guys were probably wondering if we were there for a good time BUT dork + one awesome lesbian + one married woman + two smart and sensible sisters meant we were PG and then some. 

I ended up having some really intriguing conversations with two of the fellows about the entertainment industry (You know they're all Richy Rich heads who know all of the people I dream of knowing and working with.) Their perspective on the industry was jaded, but it felt really good to talk about it and reiterate why I'm doing what I do. I've decided I need to hear myself explain why I'm trying to act and my plan for getting there. I need to say it out loud A LOT and believe it!

Even though I slept with Lola in a guest bedroom that night I still made sure to wrap myself up in blankets and sleep as heinously funky-looking as I possibly could so that no one would come in in the middle of the night and make me a concubine...Then we woke the next morning, packed and headed home.

It felt like we were there for weeks. I Nancy Drew'ed a ghost statue, I drank like a sailor, I protected my honor, and I solidified myself as an honest to goodness nerd. I read lots and really thought long and hard about that lifestyle I borrowed for the weekend.

I definitely want to own a home some day...Definitely would like to feel the freedom that comes with being financially awesomesauce, but I don't really know if I need that particular kind of life...I know I'll need to keep my current friends and family close...I know I'll never purchase a haunted statue and that my current life is pretty darn great. I like how real it is...how deep my conversations with loved ones go...how honestly real it has been and how it will continue to be. When I make it, I'll have years of struggle and reflection to keep me grounded.

I'm sure that adventure will inspire many more posts to come. I spent all of Sunday telling Jersey play-by-play and I STILL don't think I got it all out. So be prepared for more insights...

Love that I got ALL of that from one ladies trip. Beautifully random...











*Names were changed, like always, to protect the goofy.

No News is Pathetic News

8.19.2011
So this woman from my alumni association called today to update my bio for some alumni book. I was dreading this darn call with a passion, but they keep buggin' me with mail and emails so I figured I might as well woman-up and just get it over with...

Woman from KU: Hi Tish. I just need a couple of things. What's your full name? Can you confirm when you graduated (It was 2003, not 2004...she never did correct that ish!) What's your current address? Okay...what is your current job title?

Me: (swallow large lump in throat while staring at your work email that showcases your pathetic title) Well...I don't want to tell you!

Woman from KU: Excuse me?

Me: Well, the title has nothing to do with what I majored in, which was Journalism and I moved out to Los Angeles to act and I'm not doing that either so I don't want to tell you the stupid title I have.

Woman from KU: (laughing at me cruelly) I'm sure it's fine.

Me: (sighs) I'm a frickin' Network Analyst for an insurance company.

Woman from KU: That wasn't so hard now was it. Would you like to buy a copy of the book for two easy payments of $49.99?

Me: NO! I just got a speeding ticket last night and I've been bawling all day wondering how I am going to pay it so obviously my life sucks balls and I can't afford the book that will show all those I graduated with (who thought I'd amount to something) that I didn't do ISH!

Woman from KU: (laughing at me AGAIN!) Oh honey, well I hope you make it really soon and then you can buy the book.

Me: Thanks...I'll keep y'all posted! And can I just say that no one wants to update those darn books when they're not doing ish with their life! When they make it they're calling Y'ALL to brag about how awesomesauce their lives are. You remember that!

Woman from KU: This is the best conversation I've had all day, Tish. You take care.

...I'm glad people find joy in my life defeats, pains and miserable sufferings.

The Romance Killer

The other day Jersey came home from work and sat down in his man chair and started playing on Stella the iPad. He sat there for a good hour while I flittered about the apartment doing whatever crackheadish thing was currently keeping me busy. That's when it happened...

In that whole hour of sitting there I had never, not once, gotten close to him. I was about two arms lengths away from him when I smelled it. He had devoured a plate of garlic fries before he had come home....Garlic fries that had tore up his stomach (the partial reasoning for him sitting in the man chair for so long.) Garlic fries that had permeated every membrane of his orifices (butt, ears, nose, mouth...you name the hole and he was stinking out of it!)

I stopped immediately and pondered whether or not I should tell him. Yes, we have been dating for many moons and we've lived together for over a year, but some things you just have to be polite about...and usually I'd be polite and find away to escape the stank, but I wasn't even close to this dude and he was funkin' up my space, so I had to comment. I wanted to cry it smelled so bad.

I told him in the most polite tone I could muster that he was funky Charley-ing up my ish and he laughed and went and brushed his teeth but it STILL smelled like something had shat and died near him so he showered and scrubbed. Then he got into bed...and it STILL smelled so he slept with his back to me so that I could sleep in peace.

I swear some day when I get hitched I'll write this into my vows..."I promise to love you even when you have the worst halitosis imaginable. Just don't ask me to kiss you."

PS. Jersey saw me taking this picture and started whining. "Are you REALLY writing about my breath?!"
Yes. Yes, I am.

Burnt Out

8.18.2011
I am just burnt out on life right now.


The economy is sooo bad for those workers who are burnt out, fried to a crispy crisp. I feel totally guilty for hating my job, but I swear no matter how hard I work, there's no hope for raises or promotions...

The whole financial hiccups don't hold up well considering my current apartment has allowed black mold to come in and party. I have to get out of that place...It's physically making me sick, but saving up for a new place sucks balls. This, my friends, is what you'd call living between a rock and a hard place.

I got a speeding ticket last night...first speeding ticket in California. I've been here six years. I had to go all the way down to Newport Beach (the land of rich racists) to get one. Rich racists, Tish? That's kind of harsh...well how about I walked into a bar to wait for my cousin and sister to arrive and everyone stared like I was in a saloon asking for milk. The lights go out on the whole block and someone in the joint says, "Oh, that's Obama's fault for not paying the bills." Then someone hushes him and looks at me. HUH!? Did I miss something? Are you not allowed to talk about Obama because I'm a minority and I might pop a gap in your keister?

Then cousin's boyfriend (who works the bar) says, "Tish you come into the place and everything goes black," and someone snickers and says no pun intended. WTF!? So I ignore that bull spit and go about my business, but then back to that ticket. The cop puts a big ole "B" for black on the race section and I break. I love it when cute blond chicks tell me stories of how they get out of tickets...Not so much with this woman of color. $318...That's how much I have to shell out for that bad boy.

I need something to give. I need something miraculously lovely to happen. This little light of mine ain't shining.




This one piece of paper sent me into tears

Happy Bad Poetry Day!

So I went to a site that helped me create some bad poetry for Bad Poetry Day. (I obviously couldn't do it on my own because it's beyond me to create bad poetry...ignore THIS.)


I fell in the dimples of his butt
Gleam the wisdom of our ancestors...
Monkeys fly outta my butt!!
Whilst opening and closing moss-covered doors.


My gal pal Twinkie celebrated Bad Poetry Day as well. Good stuff there...

Gotta love creative friends.




Medicine

8.17.2011



I came home yesterday and decided I needed some Matilda in my life. If you've never seen this movie, I highly recommend watching it. I happen to own it. Genius. Should have won Oscars.

Love.

New Book Time!


"This old soul of a dog has much to teach us about being human. I loved this book." ~Sara Gruen (author of Water for Elephants)

Romance Hoochiness

Gabby posted a sweet little Vlog on Monday about friendship that really melted my butter. Basically, homegirl believes we can't just give all of our love mojo to our mate and expect that to workout well. We have to share the love...we have to honor the real, honest to goodness loves that we find in our friendships...and the relationships we have with our pets, too!

Preaching to me about how snazzy friendships are is pretty much a proverbial preach to the choir of kiwi. I'm pro-friend...I'm down with amigos. I honk for homies.

According to Lisa Bloom, my latest and greatest shero, girlfriends are critical to long-term happiness.  They raise us up, make us better people and inspire us to be the person we want to be. I couldn't agree more.

It IS Romance Awareness Month, after all! Appreciate those friendships! Thank the ones who keep your sanity intact, prevent you from popping people in their throats, and most importantly, keeping syphilis and weird homeless people who prey on folks walking alone at bay.

Just.Saying.





To Put it Bluntly

8.16.2011
This is not an illegal substance wrapped in a huge blunt-looking contraption. It is sage, people! My poor, goodie goodie boyfriend saw me taking pictures of the sage and asked if I was attempting to make it look like a bong.

No Jersey...Unless I somehow make it look like a glass kazoo of sorts then no...but maybe it could look like a blunt...? Maybe? It's so cute that he doesn't know the proper gangster word to use. Just want to pinch his little Asian cheeks, give him some warm milk, and scoot him off to bed.

Truly special.

My Twinkie actually sent me this particular sage bundle. She sent it moons ago for another apartment, but I swear there's some weird ish lurking about this place. On any given day you might catch me lighting this on fire and letting the smoke touch all the corners of our apartment. I'll definitely be sporting a serious look on my face because I know what this ish can do! Bad spirits don't like it when you try to clean 'em up and make them nice.

We need to move...like yesterday.

Bullsh*t or Fertilizer

I really do love this book.

My gal pal, Alexzia, gave me Bullsh*t or Fertilizer years ago in college and I've proudly held onto it. It's seriously my bathroom's bible. It's the dreamer's dookie...it's the ISH!

It just so happens to be THE best quick read in the world. If you have a dream, a goal, or a hobby you've been itching to make into a career then this is the clever little poo book for you. I keep my copy in a cute I'm surprised more of my friends don't pick it up and read it while they're leaving offerings for the potty god, but whatever...That's a whole other post.

It makes a perfect just because gift. I recommend it.

Over and out!

Tishypoo

Feathers

The other day Jersey was telling me about this awesome priest he had heard speak...The travelling father discussed the ideas circling around why God does what he does...Why do bad things happen and why does He do what He does...

We sat at the Souplantation contemplating that thought...I told him I'd like to think that we're not meant to know that grand plan until we get to the big pearly gates. It just doesn't make sense when the old bury their young...when tsunamis hit...when plagues spread, and trying to figure out why will only make your heart and brain hurt.Then we went about our business chomping on salads and people watching. (There are some WEIRD people at Souplantation y'all!)

I didn't really give the conversation a second thought until yesterday morning when my darling mentor approached me and told me that her favorite cousin in the whole wide world had passed away unexpectedly from complications during birth...Only 34 years old. She kept telling the doctors there was something wrong and they kept reassuring her it was called labor...but it turned out her appendix had ruptured and they just didn't catch it. She passed leaving behind a five day old baby.

She told me the story slowly...choking on each word, fighting back the tears...each deliberate breath catching in my throat and pushing my frog up and out. I felt her sadness immediately. I swear by "The Club"...When you lose someone you immediately befriend this odd attachment to death overall...I don't know how people know, but folks are constantly approaching me about death discussions...that sounds morbid, but it's really not...and when they do I sit there inhaling in their grief and exhaling some of the peace I've acquired with time (and therapy.)

I listened to her and then offered her the story that's always brought me warmth...I once went and listened to a psychic speak. She told me that when you see a feather it's your loved one's way of letting you know they're around...that they're thinking of you...that there's something greater out there that can't be explained...That all is well.

She smiled and said that was sweet and then walked away. I knew she had written me off as a frickin' loon case, but then she came back 30 minutes later--her eyes fresh with new energy-- to tell me she had walked to a training facility off of our main building and had seen a big feather with a baby feather attached to it and she knew it was a sign from her cousin. She had just told me that she's been spending as much time as she could holding that new beautiful baby...remembering when she held that baby's mama oh-so-many years ago. It was the little feather near the big one that made her smile.

I hate to presume something as large as "I know why God does what he does" but my guess is even the hardest of trials somehow assist us in helping future folks down the road...I told my mentor that maybe, just maybe, her cousin's baby's soul wasn't strong enough to be in this world without her mama's spirit being close by...That her mommy had to pass and help that little one's soul grow...Maybe that baby will do great things one day because of that mama's love and nearness.

I had shared that theory with her before she saw the feathers....So maybe.

Nevermind!

8.15.2011
There's no way in Hades I'm moving back to the valley now!!! Nooope! Not happening...not possible. No way, Jose! I'm gonna muster up all the will I can to get some perfect apartments to open up around here that we can move into...


The stinkin' terrible, good-for-nothing valley temperature


The temperature 15 minutes later in my hood.


The Help

Last Friday I met up with my gal pal, Diva Dara, to watch the book/turned movie, The Help. I fancied sharing my opinion given all the ridiculously crappy commentary out there regarding the movie's race issues.

There's a difference between doing a Tyler Perry movie that requires an actor to act like a damn fool. There's no purpose, no cultural merit, no flippin' point whatsoever to honor such characters...I'm not a fan of Mr. Perry's movies, can you tell?

With that said, The Help is nothing like that bull spit!!! This is a film about the complexities and the viciously tragic peculiarities of race in the 1960s. Why would folks NOT want to be a part of a powerful story that has the ability to make people think and feel something?

Numb nuts who complain just to complain that's who! This movie brought out my inner schizophrenic. I laughed, then cried, then snorted some more, then gasped, then scowled...I was all over the place, emotionally speaking.

...And at the end of it I wanted to call up everyone important to me and force them to watch the film. I want my future children to watch it so that they can see a past that still lingers in the air. I loved all the actresses in this darn film...I cried when the movie was over. I wasn't ready to let go of their faces quite yet.

I swear to abolitionists, I will pop someone in the throat if they approach me with more of that "Great White Hope" shat that people are flinging at the movie. Sick...and seriously too narrow minded to see what they're missing out on.


Goonies Never Say Die!

Oh what a lovely weekend! I had to work both Saturday and Sunday for a couple hours, but it didn't even phase me arse because the rest of the time I was hanging with my guy and the Loverchinis and it was stupendously awesome!

Saturday morning we woke up bright and early (groan) and went on a hike with the Loverchinis at Runyon. (groan squared) and then had brunch at Jersey and I's favorite spot in Santa Monica, Lazy Daisy. I wrote about it for FBG so be on the lookout for that lovely little post about almost dying in the Hollywood hills. Good times...

Later that night we met back up with our favorite couple for a movie in the park. Celina had never seen Goonies before so it was a mandatory date night. We filled up on my favorite Kansas City beer cocktails (The Diesel: a mix of root beer and Guinness), a special vodka tea drink Omar concocted (such a fabulous foodie he is!) and delish sandwiches.

It was the perfect Saturday night, filled with the perfect people....

Not only do I love this guy, but I also value his knees to lean on

The goyles

Just hanging out shooting the shat

Heavenly


Omar and I both worship all things bulldog. This little dude was a riot the entire time.


Robert Davi was there!!!

Losing it!

8.12.2011

Um...yeah...

Tishy lost her dang mind yesterday at work. Doing the same thing, day-in-day-out "makes me INSANE!!! bell bell bell bell!"

So what did I do? I went home and did whatever I could to change it up. That meant NOT cooking ish for dinner. I bought some Apple Jacks and called it a night. I haven't had those bad boys since I was a kid.
Do you see the apple clones?! The red triangle things are called clones...Apple Jacks has gone through some scientific, genetic changes while I was gone!

Totally yummy kidrific decision, but something's gotta change soon! The Kellogg's shake up will only last so long...


Kathryn Stockett │ Never. Gives. Up!

8.11.2011


Jersey sent me this link today...60 times. Now that I'm on my millionth draft of my first book; I can relate.

I was thinking long and hard about my book as I tried to drift off to sleep last night. They say when you want something you're supposed to imagine what it will feel like once you've gotten it. I try to feel the sense of accomplishment from actually finishing such a lofty project. I try to feel the sense of pride that comes with saying, "Yes, I've been published."

This book, by no means, is gonna put me up there in Twilight/Danielle Steele land of cashola. I wonder why I have this urgent sense to always write...I've always written...always journaled and I've always done it with an audience in mind. There's something beyond my mental grasp that keeps telling me I'm supposed to write and I'm supposed to share it.

That makes feeling the future stuff hard...How do you visualize when you don't know why you have to, you just do?

Yikes!

Flora + Fauna

Me: My poor hoo hoo is sick. I think the antibiotics gave me some issues after all. I feel icky.

Jersey: Uhhhh, wow. Thank you for that, but sorry she's not feeling well.

Me: I'm gonna work out and then I'm gonna go home and take care of that mess.

Jersey: I'll take care of it for you, babe.

Me: ??? Um, you're going to insert the pill for me?

Jersey: Aren't we talking about the dishes?

Me: No...Mr. Communication breakdown.


I need a scientist to study this and pinpoint exactly where in this ish a man starts to hear one way while a woman is talking the other way...

Sasha


I recently had a brain fart about exposing your shortcomings/your pains...

I was catching up on my So You Think You Can Dance last night and watched the woman above dance her ass off. She had the judges in tears because she put her heart out there...She didn't smear it in their faces with bitter contempt. She just decided sharing was okay and truth is what that girl did dish!

This week I've decided it's all about appreciation. I appreciate positive, strong and beautiful women like Ms. Sasha.

A Gangsta Challenge

8.10.2011
Jersey and I are like night and frickin' day when it comes to some stuff...like reading.

I'm a gangsta bookworm and he's the dude that stopped reading books when college ended...Okay, I'm lying. He stopped reading books when his identical twin brother started doing the tests for him.

A couple of nights ago he had the audacity to make fun of me and my love of books so I challenged him to the only gangsta duel I knew: A readathon.

He has to read three books in a month. If he does not, I get to continue to pick on him for not reading AND he has to buy me three books. Mwahahaha...

If he reads three books, I have to buy him three stinkin DVDs. I know you're thinking three books is a lot, but dude I even told him he could read children's books! And he STILL picked up his first book, stared at it, said it made him sleepy and then turned over and went to bed.

This will be the easiest book hustle known to man. Mwahahahahaaaaaaaaa (again)

When I'm bored I play on Abe Books...a site with rare collectibles. Think Jersey may have to get me a first edition Dr. Seuss...I never did specify which three books I wanted.

Natural Smack Talk

I imagine this little guy wasn't casually frolicking with the wind, but rather being quite gangster with my camera.



"You want some of this? You can't handle this! You think you're flashy tough guy? You think you got what it takes? You ain't tough enough! You don't float like a butterfly OR sting like a bee!"

I have issues...and I'm okay with that.

Spiritual Junkie

8.09.2011
Man I love me some J Boogie!

This home girl always has my back when it comes to lifting me up. She's just one of those Oprah-esque chicks who always tries to find the positive message...Then she emails it to me with a smiley face and waits for my commentary.

It doesn't matter how funktafied my mornings are. I always feel better after a round of gratitudes with my gal. Lately she's been sending me these amazing vlogs from this woman named Gabby Bernstein. Self-described spiritual junkie and book author, Miss Thang offers some of the best Monday morning lessons a person can get.

I always feel a bit lighter after listening. Feel even better after I've had the chance to chat about her message with J. Do you have a spiritual guru or some source of all things good you go to for mental pick me ups?

Letter to Camp

So my little homie, T Dawg, is at camp this week so his cool mamacita gave me his fax number so I could send him a letter. Yeah...kids don't DO snail mail anymore...Duh.

Yo T Dawg!



I hear you’re at camp this week. Awesome sauce. Hope it’s sweet and I hope you bump into your long-lost twin like in the movie “The Parent Trap”. People always go to camp and find they have a twin and then life is cooler.

I wish I had gotten a chance to go to camp as a kid? I so wanted to find my long lost twin...unfortunately I baby sat my kid sisters every summer so my twin is STILL sitting at that dang camp, underneath the totem pole, waiting for her mirror image to come and switch places with her.
 
If you see her, please tell her to go home. Give up the dream!

Book Lovah!

Happy National Book Lover's Day!

Even though some of the holidays in August I posted were a bit absurd, I see nothing at 'tall wrong with this specific day. Book worms are squiggling and squirming in honor of those things with lots of words in them that make you think and learn and like make you smart and stuff.

In honor of this day I shall tell you about my lovely library experience over the weekend. I went to the Santa Monica Public Library and FINALLY got a library card. (I have one for the Los Angeles Public Library but those ones aren't as pretty and nice as this bad boy.)

The SMPL is perfection. Lots of beautiful books...people wait outside in big numbers for the doors to open every day. It's pretty impressive. It's like little book groupies. I swear I saw some panties thrown...that could have been the crazy homeless guy, though. I wouldn't be surprised with either scenario...Lots of gold diggers...lots of good weather for turtle people (those who wear their homes on their backs.)

I went straight to Guest Services and opened up an account. My library card is green!!! It's meant to be...

Then I went and bugged a friend of mine who works at that particular library who I haven't seen in three years. We both live in the area and still...tsk tsk.

I played in the kids section and checked out some fun kiddy reads and then I sat down with my current book, Think, and got lost for an hour or so.

I plan to read some more today and get my nerd on. Holla at a reasonable decibel!

Caught in a Book Daze...Books are crazy wild fun!

FYI

8.08.2011
August Days to Remember...don't forget!

Admit You're Happy Month
National Catfish Month
National Eye Exam Month
National Golf Month
Peach Month
Romance Awareness Month
Water Quality Month
National Picnic Month

———————————————

6th
Chinese Valentine's Day/Daughter's Day - 7th day of 7th Lunar Month
National Mustard Day first Saturday
Wiggle Your Toes Day

7th
Friendship Day - First Sunday in August
International Forgiveness Day - First Sunday in August

8th
Sneak Some Zucchini onto Your Neighbor's Porch Day - now that's nasty!

9th
Book Lover's Day

10th
Lazy Day
National S'mores Day

13th
Left Hander's Day

15th
Relaxation Day - now this one's for me!

16th
National Tell a Joke Day

18th
Bad Poetry Day

23rd
Ride the Wind Day

24th
Vesuvius Day

26th
Women's Equality Day

28th
Race Your Mouse Day -but we are not sure what kind of "mouse"

29th
More Herbs, Less Salt Day

30th
Frankenstein Day

Fugitive Pieces

Sometimes that boy Jersey sheds all evidence that he's a typical male and blows my darn mind. Friday night we decided to stay in and take advantage of home.

We watched a Jennifer Anniston flick called The Switch and then he started fumbling around Netflix and chose a movie that took my breath away. It was a movie about a Holocaust survivor that left me willfully sad yet peaceful. I watched poetry...

I would clutch my chest and suck back tears...then look over at Jersey and see this solemn look on his face and my heart would melt. I tend to think dudes are emotional robots...I forget they can get sucked into a story like we gals can...

He didn't feel my grief when I came home to his stinky messes all those times...Don't judge me for being surprised the man can relate to a scared little boy who misses his sister!

60 Pages

My brain is fried!!! Ahhhhh!

This weekend I edited 60 pages of bad writing...Zadie Smith said this would happen if I went back through the words I had written. Looking back at previous blog posts 2005ish is dangerous. So many instances of me throwing my body on the ground wondering how I could have put such nonsense on paper.

Writing and me are not friends right now. How I will ever finish this damn book, I know not...

Did I tell you the title changed? It's now a book of short stories. No more of that memoir ish. Gangstas write short stories...they don't mess with a writing genre reserved for folks who have actually accomplished something. That in itself was a revelation I needed to get on board with.

Editing in a tiny arse apartment had its challenges by the way. Jersey decided he wanted to play Mr. Tom Cruise in Cocktails so he started experimenting with different stuff...Should I mention that his alcohol tolerance is equivalent to a 13 year-old girl's? He takes a couple of sips of something and he starts giggling and saying he's buzzed. Two vodka/rum drinks in and I thought I'd lose my damn mind. One sentence edited and, "Babe, I think that Planet of the Apes movie looks awesome!" ...Two sentences crossed out violently then, "Babe, I'm so sleepy. This drink is gooood." That went on for about two hours.

Did Virginia Woolf have to deal with this?



Photo by Jersey

Love that Jersey honors my ish when he cleans up

The Princess and the Penis

8.05.2011
Author's Page
This was a hilarious little read. If you have a Nook or a Nook App then you'll be happy to know you can download it for free. Enjoy...

I'm Wolverine! I'm Sabertooth!



Oh Brigid...My anglophile...my dear beast who bumbles for Brits always seems to find THE best ish.

iTunes Wish List

8.04.2011
I'm pretty much inept when it comes to all the cool things iTunes can do so it took me a while to figure out where all my wish list songs were going...for months I'd click a button thinking I'd buy it sooner or later. Then one day my brain decided to work and I found all of these glorious songs I had been stashing. Even Jersey, the king of bad booty shaking/panty dropping music sat down beside me to take a listen.

Accidental entertainment...pelvic thrusts for all!

I

18th Floor Balcony  « Blue October

All I Want  « Ahn Trio & Susie Suh

Love Her Madly  «  The Doors

Deep Shadows   «  Little Ann

This Lonely Love «  Juliana Hatfield

Short and Sweet  «  Esperanza Spalding

Home  «  Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

You for Me  « Terra Naomi

Bored (2011 Version)  « The Shoes

Wastin' Time  «  The Shoes

Who You Are  « Jessie J

Misty Blue  « Dorothy Moore

Flipboard for iPad






I LUV my iPad, Stella. If you happen to have one of these clever toys, I recommend downloading the Flipboard App. It rocks!

P.S. I totally have the Oprah page. Derrr. Drool.

Emotionally Athletic

Emotionally Athletic
A phrase I recently coined. It refers to folks who can handle those stressful emotional games people play. I'm not emotionally athletic...I don't dig the mental games. Don't you hurl your balls of shame and blame at me!
Word to your mutha, Willie!
I love pulling a Shakespeare and creating new words and phrases. This week I've been on fire...creating words like karmatic and the phrase above. (Karmatic's definition--an adjective which refers to the epic instance when karma hits.)

Language and communication...Isn't it a pickle of a problem?

Sometimes we can't communicate because of passive aggressive tendencies...we don't want to rock someone's crazy boat. Other times we just don't have the right words to say what we really mean. Our language limits us at times...and that's where blabbing out new words comes in handy! Never at a loss for a description...always searching for how to say something...

Jersey says when I'm happy or nervous I tend to wiggle. I literally start to squirm in my seat or dance about like I've got ants in my pants. Since he pointed it out I've start noticed it, but it's always a surprise when I catch myself doing it. Are you really dancing at the waitress trying to take your order, Tish? Are you really shimmying in front of the woman showing you this apartment, woman?! Man is it hard to control the body language I exude! I have no poker face. Don't trust me to play hardball with a car dealer...My wiggles give me away instantly.

I think I'll stick to my strong points and hang on to the gift of gab.


Suspenders

8.03.2011
Androgyny FOREVER!!!


Feeling a little blah at work? Don't have the kind of voice necessary to tell the stinky fellow two seats down to put his muther trucker shoes BACK ON!? Wear suspenders. I don't know what it is about dressing like a dude, but it brings a swagger unlike any other.

I'm so not into dressing to impress, but I am interested in clothes serving functions... (i.e. I need to squat; must wear jeans or I feel like being all powerful; must wear bow ties or suspenders.)

Pop 'em like you mean it...just be careful...wedgies are possible.

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