No News is Pathetic News

8.19.2011
So this woman from my alumni association called today to update my bio for some alumni book. I was dreading this darn call with a passion, but they keep buggin' me with mail and emails so I figured I might as well woman-up and just get it over with...

Woman from KU: Hi Tish. I just need a couple of things. What's your full name? Can you confirm when you graduated (It was 2003, not 2004...she never did correct that ish!) What's your current address? Okay...what is your current job title?

Me: (swallow large lump in throat while staring at your work email that showcases your pathetic title) Well...I don't want to tell you!

Woman from KU: Excuse me?

Me: Well, the title has nothing to do with what I majored in, which was Journalism and I moved out to Los Angeles to act and I'm not doing that either so I don't want to tell you the stupid title I have.

Woman from KU: (laughing at me cruelly) I'm sure it's fine.

Me: (sighs) I'm a frickin' Network Analyst for an insurance company.

Woman from KU: That wasn't so hard now was it. Would you like to buy a copy of the book for two easy payments of $49.99?

Me: NO! I just got a speeding ticket last night and I've been bawling all day wondering how I am going to pay it so obviously my life sucks balls and I can't afford the book that will show all those I graduated with (who thought I'd amount to something) that I didn't do ISH!

Woman from KU: (laughing at me AGAIN!) Oh honey, well I hope you make it really soon and then you can buy the book.

Me: Thanks...I'll keep y'all posted! And can I just say that no one wants to update those darn books when they're not doing ish with their life! When they make it they're calling Y'ALL to brag about how awesomesauce their lives are. You remember that!

Woman from KU: This is the best conversation I've had all day, Tish. You take care.

...I'm glad people find joy in my life defeats, pains and miserable sufferings.

2 comments:

  1. Lol! I keep getting those cards too and think they probably don't need to know that I'm a stay at home
    mom right now. And I don't want to tell them either. So...I think network analyst sounds semi impressive even though it's not exactly where you want to be. We both rock no matter what we're doing... :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. If they'd only let us truly explain lol..then we could spin our current circumstances to reflect how awesome they truly are. "Stay at home mom who is busy raising the next two Presidents of the United States"

    ReplyDelete

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