Feathers

8.16.2011
The other day Jersey was telling me about this awesome priest he had heard speak...The travelling father discussed the ideas circling around why God does what he does...Why do bad things happen and why does He do what He does...

We sat at the Souplantation contemplating that thought...I told him I'd like to think that we're not meant to know that grand plan until we get to the big pearly gates. It just doesn't make sense when the old bury their young...when tsunamis hit...when plagues spread, and trying to figure out why will only make your heart and brain hurt.Then we went about our business chomping on salads and people watching. (There are some WEIRD people at Souplantation y'all!)

I didn't really give the conversation a second thought until yesterday morning when my darling mentor approached me and told me that her favorite cousin in the whole wide world had passed away unexpectedly from complications during birth...Only 34 years old. She kept telling the doctors there was something wrong and they kept reassuring her it was called labor...but it turned out her appendix had ruptured and they just didn't catch it. She passed leaving behind a five day old baby.

She told me the story slowly...choking on each word, fighting back the tears...each deliberate breath catching in my throat and pushing my frog up and out. I felt her sadness immediately. I swear by "The Club"...When you lose someone you immediately befriend this odd attachment to death overall...I don't know how people know, but folks are constantly approaching me about death discussions...that sounds morbid, but it's really not...and when they do I sit there inhaling in their grief and exhaling some of the peace I've acquired with time (and therapy.)

I listened to her and then offered her the story that's always brought me warmth...I once went and listened to a psychic speak. She told me that when you see a feather it's your loved one's way of letting you know they're around...that they're thinking of you...that there's something greater out there that can't be explained...That all is well.

She smiled and said that was sweet and then walked away. I knew she had written me off as a frickin' loon case, but then she came back 30 minutes later--her eyes fresh with new energy-- to tell me she had walked to a training facility off of our main building and had seen a big feather with a baby feather attached to it and she knew it was a sign from her cousin. She had just told me that she's been spending as much time as she could holding that new beautiful baby...remembering when she held that baby's mama oh-so-many years ago. It was the little feather near the big one that made her smile.

I hate to presume something as large as "I know why God does what he does" but my guess is even the hardest of trials somehow assist us in helping future folks down the road...I told my mentor that maybe, just maybe, her cousin's baby's soul wasn't strong enough to be in this world without her mama's spirit being close by...That her mommy had to pass and help that little one's soul grow...Maybe that baby will do great things one day because of that mama's love and nearness.

I had shared that theory with her before she saw the feathers....So maybe.

4 comments:

  1. So sorry for your friend's and the baby's loss--so tragic. The story reminds me of The Shack--I just finished reading it a few days ago. It deals a lot with why God allows horrible things and how he ultimately uses them for good. Have you read it?

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  2. No but I shall add that to my list! Sounds interesting! Thanks lady! ♥

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  3. Wow! I love this.

    The big feather and baby feather...what an image.
    I'm going to remember that for a long time.

    I call these types of things 'tender mercies'. There is a scripture that i love that talks about tender mercies.

    also, there is a talk I've read (and loooove)
    that describes tender mercies as,
    "a loving Savior sending a most personal and timely message of comfort and reassurance..."

    the speaker goes on to say,
    "Some may count (these) experiences as simply a nice coincidence, but the tender mercies of the Lord are real and they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord's timing of His tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them."

    And, as in your story...the timing was just so for your friend. (and the message you so thoughtfully shared)

    Thanks for this post!

    (also, I swear I don't go around the internet spewing my spiritual beliefs :) but I always seem to be leaving comments like that here.
    I think you just invite a very REAL and honest sort of vibe, and I can't help but respond! So for that, thanks!

    And in case you were interested the talk quoted, it can be found here:

    http://lds.org/general-conference/2005/04/the-tender-mercies-of-the-lord?lang=eng

    xoxo
    tara

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  4. I figured there would be some folks who squirmed reading a "spiritual" post...It's pretty standard, but sometimes you just have to write from the heart and acknowledge the magic that is.

    NEVER feel wonky for sharing your thoughts :) I ♥ them. Tender Mercies...

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