Whose Apartment is it Anyway

Forgive me, but I am guilty of stereotyping a whole gender. You see, I grew up believing men didn't give a rat's poo about decorating...design...atmosphere...ambiance, or any of that aesthetic stuff that girls usually go for. As a child, I knew I'd grow up, meet a handsome boy, marry him immediately and promptly buy a house that I'd decorate. He'd have a man room and we'd live happily ever after.

(record scratch, please)

That is NOT how it works with Mr. Jersey...nooo NoOooo NOOOoo. Jersey has more clothes than me. He has more shoes than me. He actually gets excited when we're going somewhere special and he gets to actually plan out an outfit. I'm the one twitching in a corner asking God why He's punishing me with such a task. Not Jersey, though.

You may remember that I was planning on moving out. This was due to the fact that Jersey wanted space of his own he could make his own. HE wanted to decorate. HE wanted to put his magical touch on his abode. He told me all of this and I swear to Martha Stewart I about shit a decorative pillow out my booty.

That idea has since vanished; never to be seen again. He now wants us to simply get a bigger place and this time he wants to decorate. I felt bad that I had monopolized the vision of our apartment...that is until yesterday when this charming college student came knocking on my door asking if I'd like to buy the LA Times for two months. Always a sucker for stuff to read (and students who have to hustle), I ushered her in (is that illegal?!). I was telling her I'd get the magazine for my guy and that's when it happened.

That girl pointed to the manly arse snowboards hanging in OUR living room and said, "Oh, is this his place?"

HA! Vindication was mine! I am not a girly ass decorator. I did not impose flowers, pink or other girly crap upon that lad. Sure didn't....I brought in strong dark woods and steel shelves. There are SNOWBOARDS HANGING IN THE LIVING ROOM! Yes, there's a mobile, but he twirls that thing every time he comes home. He loves it!

I swear there's no handbook on the model of boy I'm dating...None at 'tall.


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