Day 5: A Photo of Whatever I Please

5.26.2011
...And Oprah it shall be.

Oh y'all...You have NO idea how I cried last night while watching my last Oprah show...My LAST Oprah show. Ugh...That hurts to type even!

I have been watching that woman, like you, FOR YEARS!...I always came back to watch that same woman who I first watched as a small child...that same woman who angered me because I just didn't believe mixed kids were confused and sad little people. I vowed to go on her show and set her straight. When I turned 18, I started feeling the effects of being mixed (and how hard it truly could be) and then I wanted to go on her show for completely different reasons: I wanted to thank the woman for teaching me and opening up my small iddy biddy world.

My stepfather's mother (my grandma Mary...who happens to be white) gave me a book when I was 10 years old, I Dream A World, and it changed my life. I remember opening the front page and wondering why she was giving me a book about black women (I thought I was a white girl with a good tan back then) but it didn't take long before it became my favorite book to read...and my favorite bio was, of course, Oprah's story.

I'm sad I never got to be on her show...Sad she never interviewed me for my latest film or told me she was going to choose my book for her next book club selection. I really have thought over the years it would happen. Heck, the last Fit Bottomed Girl event I attended in Chicago had me looking over my shoulder for her camera crews...I always believed deep down in my heart that I would meet that woman some day.

This is the first time in my life a dream I firmly believed in never came true. I think that's why I'm crying the most.

Perfect example of the power she has on me: Today as I walked out of the gym I was very much aware of the fact that I looked physically beaten. I haven't slept well lately. I had run my hardest on that dang treadmill and I had worries galore in my heart. At that moment I wondered if one day I'd come home to children and have to put that sadness away...If it would some how be un-motherly and unfair of me to bring negative energy around people who didn't ask for it. I shrugged off the thought and said I could very well be however I needed to be because faking the funk would just make me more miserable and I needed to take care of me before I could take care of someone else. (Yes...these are the weird things I think about as I'm leaving each day.)

Then I come home. I clean. I make my food for the next day and then I sit down to watch the last one. She starts going over lessons and BAM! She says only you are responsible for the energy you bring into a room. Huh? Did you really just mention something that I had JUST pondered and vacillated over in my head? She has done that ish for YEARS! Ask J...We recently had a conversation about her always being in our brains. We'll have a discussion and POOF! Her daily email gives us the answers we've been searching for.

Who will be in my brain from now on? I'm being totally serious!? Ugh...

First dream deferred...It's a very sad, sad feeling.

I wrote all of this and all I had to do was post a picture. One single picture...but you can't do that when an iconic mentor of yours is saying goodbye. That little ole obsession of mine deserves a grand exit.

Won't it be weird when her face no longer appears on the tabloids? Or our future children don't know who in the heck we're talking about when we mention an Oprah-ism?! Ugh...Breaks my heart just thinking about it!

She shall be missed SO very much.

5 comments:

  1. I'm afraid to watch that last episode...gonna break my heart. BUT, we still have a magazine to read, emails to ponder and a whole network to learn from. When you come visit, we're going to plop down and watch some OWN! :)

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  2. I am going to watch the last episode tonight...I am really preparing myself for it...She will be missed, indeed. Kisses, sweetie

    Btw: your comment yesterday made me giggle so much...You are so funny!

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  3. What a wonderful tribute to someone who inspires you in so many ways.

    Please don't give up on your dreams. They may not come wrapped in the package that you anticipated, but you one day find yourself stirring a pot of soup and realize *BAM!* that your life is great and maybe you accomplished other great things that you weren't even aware that you desired.


    I'm sorry, I'm long winded.

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  4. P.S. I can be in your brain from now on! Muahahaha!

    ReplyDelete

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