Bloody Mary's Going Sober

5.09.2011
When I was a young and innocent 15-year-old, my family doctor put me on the naughty girl's pill to keep my cramps in check. I was on the ish for years and then after learning I had cervical cancer, I decided maybe fake hormonees weren't so good for my bawd so I got off. That's when my face exploded with zits and my cramps started to feel like an alien might be attempting a coup d'état in my pelvic region so I went back to the dark side, tampon tail between my legs, and have been poppin those little baby stoppers ever since.

That all changed this week, though. GASP!

My cheapness has won. I don't care that I have raging cases of PMDD...I just can not rationalize spending 70 bones a month for cramps. I'll drink more water. I'll rid my zits the old fashioned way and I'll deal with the hormone rages when they come up. (I say this now like it's no big thing. Let's play "check in with Tish" in about three months and see what tune I'm singing then.)

So I bet you're wondering if I've addressed the big bloody pink elephant in the room. Nope, not trying to have a baby out of wedlock. Nope, I don't have a death wish...I'm just cheap. With that being said, I think Jersey and I will participate in that old, but true practice that people have been using for thousands of years, coitus interruptus. Just kidding mom. (hee hee...Love making that woman's butt twitch) I won't go into details, but I promise if we decide to shed our saintly robes and partake in the horizontal polka, we'll be mad cool about it. (Sleazy wink)

Heard you can lose up to 10 pounds, too so right now this whole droppin' the drugs thing sounds pretty darn awesome. I'm still a tiny bit scared shitless so if you have any stories about how craptastic the pill was feel free to blab away!

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