Angry Bird

Since the beginning of Jersey and I living together we have fought over a local bird's right to build a nest in our porch's light thingy. My ass would twitch every time I saw him removing twigs that poor bird had worked so hard to build. I secretly thought he was one of those sadistic little kids that kicks cats and grows up to lure little people into their homes to dress them up in umpa lumpa clothes and do the polka with.

That all changed this weekend. When Twinkie and J were here for Coachella I noticed this pretty grey cat with blue eyes lurking in my backyard ish. I'm hella allergic to kitties so from the safety of my screened in living room I tried to shoo him away. My neighbor (the hunky actor man who's currently in a McDonalds commercial) kept trying to get the cat and calling it by his name (Ollie). My neighbor's lived in this complex since the beginning of time, is pretty friendly, and is in the know with everyone so I just thought he was helping a neighbor out. Turns out its his girlfriend's cat.

We chit chatted for a bit about life and pizza and then he moved on to the birds. Apparently the same bird built a muther truckin nest in his light and when those baby birds hatched they had no idea how to fly out and ended up dying in that damn thing. My lip trembled. This evil mama bird was intentionally killing her babies or just slow?! The tragic horror was too much for me to bare.

Not only that, he had to clean the dead birds out and they were loaded with little lice bugs. (Groovy) Needless to say that night I dreamed of angry mamama birds infecting my porch with lice and then those lice and the dang bird were attacking me. I woke up in a pool of sweat and promptly texted Jersey to tell him when he returned home from his trip he was gonna have to demolish a nest.

That request was made in haste, though! I noticed the bitch bird is in her prime time sitting mode which means there are dang eggs up in that piece. Maybe she can kill, but I can't. I'm going to leave the nest and pray that Mama Nature takes pitty on the birds...It's not fair that their mama is too selfish and cruel to teach them how to fly out of the darn hole.

If ya'll have any suggestions let me know? With gloves can one move a nest, or will the mama bird ignore it from then on? Will I get lice? Because I'm not OK with that. Has Rachel Zoe said it was cool to watch birds yet? These are things I need to know people!


  1. Awww poor little birdie. I don't even know what to tell you because I wouldn't want to have to deal with little chick carcasses either. But I'd feel bad displacing it. What to do what to do. Quite the conundrum you have over there.

  2. ok no moving or touching of the nest lol...noted Chanda!


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