Brokedown Palace

2.22.2011
I'M.ABOUT.TO.GO.APE SHIT!

Let me back up a bit. A couple of months ago I moved in with my guy, Jersey, and we thought it would be happily ever after. We'd pick out furniture and merge, purge our former and present lives together. It would be swell...and it would be swell to this day IF we wouldn't have moved to the Satan's apartment complex in West LA.

You thought the Red Dude liked to chill in the slums of India...the hovels in Brazil's City of God....HA! You make me giggle in my head. Dude is straight up hovering around my abode and causing havoc like a mother trucker.

First incident...Red Dude decides when Jersey moves he'll bless him with little friends. He has baby roaches. Joy...We always just see one at a time so we name our little roach Larry. We squish him and smash him to smithereens but the little bastard is as bad as BeBe's kids. He doesn't die...he simply multiplies so FINALLY after a week of hell the landlord sends the bug guy over and he sends Larry and his family to a heaven reserved for the disgusting. We think we're finally in a happy, swell place. Our bliss lasts a couple of minutes and then we notice our faucets in the bathroom drip...an annoyingly evil drip that makes you think you're in some sort of torture camp and that little drop is dropping on your forehead...one at a time...just droppin and droppin some more.

The bedroom closet door breaks off...completely.

The hot water mysteriously comes and goes for days. When it goes cold it comes out in weird spurts and has an orange tint. It also smells like oil. Joyful joyful.

The knobs to the hall closet just decided to fall off one day. I felt like Tom Hanks in The Burbs when that one happened.

The washer took $3.00 of my beloved quarters...

We found out the ventilation system in our place is nonexistent. I tried to cook chicken parmesan and within minutes the whole place was up in smoke. I'm sure my neighbors loved the hour-long battle I had with my smoke alarms.

I'm now drinking wine...it seems to be working. I can hear Jersey in the kitchen nuking his washcloth so that he can wash his face with warm water. Ain't it sad?

This is making our apartment search that much more pressing. When it rains, it pours...except in my case it rains orange weird liquid that smells like oil.

4 comments:

  1. Ohh that doesnt sounds good. I cant stand roaches. Im totally freaked out by them!!! So you are on a search for a new place? Ohh Im so sorry!
    Happy Tuesday, darling

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello hello!!

    so good to meet ya!
    (even if it is via blog)

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Diana YOU?! I slept with the covers cacooned around me and my face so that I woudln't wake with a bug in my mouth...I'm doing a squirm dance now just thinking about it.

    @ThePainerFamily It's good to meet you too! :) You guys are too lovely for words

    ReplyDelete
  4. EWWW roaches are disgusting.

    Hope you get out of there soon!

    ReplyDelete

« »
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

.

Luv and Kiwi All rights reserved © Blog Milk Powered by Blogger