the first few weeks in la were the hardest times of my life. i was in a sea of people (la's population is ugly big.) no one would talk to me. i'd try to strike up a conversation with people in the grocery line...i'd go home to myself and wonder what the heck i had gotten myself into. lots of tears folks.
that all changed when i met b. she was this pretty girl at a happy hour that was bubbly and interesting and i just knew she had to be my friend. i flooded her phone with texts before texts were cool and finally bamboozled the poor lady into thinking i was cool by inviting her to an industry party for a film had just come out. hot actors would be in attendance and she drooled and said, "you got it sister."
that night we hung out was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. over the years she's the person who's been able to make la home for me. every break up, every work stressor, every family drama...she's seen every tear (or at least heard about it.)
my friends have literally saved me and held me up. you all may think i'm this autonomously strong chickaroo that lives in the solo land of "i can do it on my own" but i have secret weapons in the form of best friends. two to be exact. lucky i know.
i think at times women forget just how important and life changing our friendships are...they sustain us. they save us. my friends both have amazing men in their lives...AMAZING. mr perfect husband recently got yellow flowers for j as a birthday gift. they have this inside joke with yellow that makes his gesture sweeter than gold. then there's b's main squeeze...i recently had to thank the guy for giving my gal so much happiness. she's herself in the best kind of way and it's lovely to witness...after all, we all want to find that someone who we can be ourselves with.
even with these guys we all still feel the need to come together and talk about girly things that men just don't wanna talk about...or try to understand...or want to try to understand ;)
when push comes to shove these women are my backbone...and they deserve to hear that as much as possible. my twin nicole and i JUST had a conversation similar to this...do you ever have times where you just want to hug your besties and tell them you value your friendship? well nicole and i did that (cuz we're cool like that)
it's buds that have saved me from the nunnery!
i don't know if you dig the girl or not, but basically for all the non-knowers she had this quirky pretty upbeat album and then her husband died right at the height of her success and she disappeared from the scene.
she's back now with this deeply personal album that has me tearing up at work. "are you hear" is the first track i heard and my bottom lip immediately started to quiver. my only gripe is the volume issues...i'm trying to jam at work and she'll be all quiet and whisper-like and then the chorus will start up and BAM, i have nosy folks in my area popping their heads over my wall asking me to turn down the pain. sigh...that's the only one though, promise.
i love supporting artists who give it their heart and soul...
check it out. it's good to collect beautiful things. makes the world a better place if you ask me.
Labels: life soundtrack
sigh...yes, yes i KNOW this is tmi. i care not. sometimes a girl just wants to tell the world that being a chick sucks and i do not like to be at the mercy of my totally too-sensitive body. even my foot doc coop said i'm sensitive. remember this?
sensitive now reads wimp.
all that crap i said about female's rocking and being awesome and swell...i lied. i was bamboozled. hoodwinked...eve should NEVER have eaten that damn apple.
i've become unrecognizable. a girl who once hated the gym. once thought fitness luv was reserved for those without necks and clapping abilities now doesn't feel right if i'm not in the gym making magic happen.
i've trained for "THE RUN" for months and months--ok basically the whole year. i think i took a week off total. it was nice taking a week off post run!
the other day was my first day back in the gym for 'normal' stuff like weight lifting, yadda yadda. hate to admit it, but it felt soooo good picking up those weights and squatting down deep...ripping muscles and waiting for the sweat to start dripping.
later that night i called up a dear pal disheartened...while i worked it like a mutha effer in that joint i wasn't sore...i was actually upset that i wasn't sore ya'll! who thinks this way?!
so waking up the next day, rolling out of bed and groaning from the leg aches was actually awesome. it actually perked me up.
i have issues.
signed tish "the no-neck, no clapping" G-funk mama
when folks are down all you have to do is remind them of the first kiss they ever had with someone they're currently diggin on and things will start to appear on the up and up.
one of my gal pals was going thru a hard time back in september. i was stretching my brain trying to figure out how i could cheer her up without pushing a bunch of pollyanna sunshine on her. i don't know why the kissing theory popped into my head, but it did.
to test the theory out before slapping the idea on my bud i asked four buds to tell me about the first kiss they had with the ones they dug at the time and got back some really cute answers that left them all feeling a little better. i think i'm on to something...
even dude friends could remember their first pucker...in awesome detail and they'd blush and giggle...totally great stories and sometimes hilarious.
puckering up has some lasting effects.
the next time you're feeling down or you have a bud that's feeling blue (and they're not blue about some evil devil spawn that's broken their heart) ask them about their first kiss...and then give me a holler...cuz i'm nosy and i'm a sucker for those types of stories.
for the curious georges...i asked strangers to dish:
I still tease him about his approach, but it was a very good first kiss and I'm glad that he took the chance and got it over with. Don't think I could marry a ditherer.
ETA: Moving my comment over here.
And he bought me Taco Bell and his head was shaved and he was a foot taller than me. He totally had my heart!
When we first met we would make out for hours on end and it was bliss.
Now I know way too much about his hygiene habits (or lack thereof) for it to ever be that hot again.
Anyway, it made sense when I was drunk.
So, next to me were standing three guys holding their beers and watching the crowd. So he asks me if I'm enjoying the party, and I barely answer him, I just nod and say I'm looking for my friends. He introduced himself and his other two friends. He made nice comments to me and it quickly move into a drunk conversation. At some point he asked for a kiss. He was drunk and I was drunk and we both knew we were drunk. So I laughed and said "Okay, look, I'm drunk but that was one very cheesy line. Plus, I don't know you at all. Minus ten points for you."
So he chuckles and starts to try to make me laugh. And I do laugh because he was too damn funny (or the alcohol made everything look funny?) and we spend maybe half an hour like this, him making jokes and me laughing because he was adorable after all.
At this point, I saw my best friend among the crowd and I told him it was really nice meeting him but I had to go. And he was all
"Okay, but I made you laugh. Do I win my ten points back?"
"Hmmm. Okay, you got your ten points back."
"Okay, but I'm drunk so I'm going to pretend it's twenty points."
"So I got ten extra points."
I was drunk, math was confusing and he got me puzzled.
And here's where he got me. He came closer to me, tripped (I started laughing, he started laughing) and asked.
"Can I kiss you? I got ten points... please. It's only fair, we've been talking for half an hour, I'm trying so hard to make you laugh and maybe I'm nervous because I'm so drunk here-"
"Yes, you can kiss me."
We kissed. I could totally taste beer in that kiss. LOL And when he ends the kiss, he picks up his cellphone and asks for my cell number. It was adorable, I've never done that before and somehow he got my drunken self to feel so good that I gave him my cell phone and three days later we were having lunch together downtown. The upcoming weekend he was taking me to dinner. I've never had such a cute" first kiss with anyone before in my life. It was so adorable. :P
I already knew, way before that, that I would have his children, and told him such. He thought I was crazy, but guess who's gonna have his children? That's what I thought.
So the big day finally arrives and we sit next to each other on the couch. He puts his arm around me and we start watching a movie. I was wearing a shirt that he really liked and he kept rubbing the fabric and saying, "I really like this shirt". Finally, I said, "You're just going to have to go for it, because I'm not ready to make that move". So then he did. It was pretty fabulous once we got the awkwardness out of the way.
it's odd, yes, but it sticks with you. visually speaking, the film is fantastic. it's beautiful...and watching heath ledger give his final performance...then watch johnny depp, jude law and colin farrell take over in the places he wasn't able to finish, was pretty touching.
i do not intend to spoil. just go see the darn thing. if for nothing else the main gal in it is the most gorgeous thang with THE most perfect knockers i've ever seen. (tell that to your boy toys ladies.)
the one who was jealous of her perfect knockers
aren't reality checks endearing?
i've been carrying the bag above around for over a year now...the same bag. no matter what outfit i'm wearing i lug this sucker. (this is a fashion no no for the girly girls of the world.)
the fact that i remain loyal matters not to the male species. a guy who spends quite a bit of time with me asked if i'm "that girl" who obsesses over bags.
men really don't pay attention do they? either that or they're a mess of hyperbole. they can blow up the tiniest thought...next a dude will be asking me if i'm going to stalk him every day because i returned his call...
yet another life nudge that i should become a nun.
skeet, skeet, skeet!
i love this girl's birthday for some reason. as kids, i can remember we'd load up into her shaggin wagon (it was a 70's revival couple of years...leave it be) and we'd cruise down to this area of kansas city we loved and have a blast.
we'd seriously rock out to classical music--creating our own warped stories...she'd wear a princess crown and we'd eat at bagel & bagel--our favorite joint.
i'm sure folks would stare at us funny for the crowns and the goofiness that seemed to always follow us around (um...still does...well sans the crown) but we never knew. we were always in our own little world.
now that we live hundreds of miles away, we try to spend one of our birthdays together. this year we did the marathon in orlando for her birthday, which seemed cool and clever at the time, but today is the actual day...
and i'm craving me some bagel, crown and some best friend.
we're 29 this year...
she's this amazingly awesome chick who's opinions and views of the world rock me to the core. every year she takes time around her birthday to think about things and make new proclamations. i can't wait to hear what's gonna pop out of her head this year.
sometimes we're lucky enough to find our soul mate. i found mine...i thank that woman's parents for giving birth to her.
happy birthday to the sickest, dopest, strongest, cleverest, sassy, awesome redhead i've ever known.
i can feel a cold forming. chest is heavy...feeling sleepy groggy. drinking the ISH out of some vitamin c concoction known as "orange mango motion" (naked smoothie well being beverage) and spraying my hands every 3 minutes religiously with waterless hand cleansing mist that makes my heart go pitter patter. (smells like lemons...mmm)
the minute the citris smell leaves my nostrils it's time to recharge the guns.
forgive me buddha but the cold is going down. DIE GERMS DIE!
my bawd has become important enough that i rounded up a foot doctor for the aches and pains i've accumulated over training. i went in last saturday to figure out what's going on with my feet post marathon. let's just say the doc made it interesting...
first ole boy asks me my shoe size for my orthotic i have to get for running...i tell him 10 1/2 and doc cooper says, "whoa! you've got some big ones there! how ever will you find a man?"
my mouth drops open and i bust a gut laughing. he later goes on later to say i'll always have tendonitis issues with my feet because they're so tender...and because of that i'll need a tender man. lol...exact words yo!
who knew the size of my foot was a gateway into my dating life...
for the first time in a long time i got to play with one of my best gal pals, b. we went shopping, grabbed coffee, saw up in the air (i recommend it, but that's another post.)
we got a chance to catch up and talk about all the random nothings that send us into total giggling fits. i don't care how old i get, i will ALWAYS need my girl time. it's the best kind of battery recharger i've ever found.
don't get me wrong...guys are swell and a certain one right now has me swooning like one of the rat packers, BUT there's just something magical about female friendships. men out there listen to me...make sure your darling boo has girlfriends...it will prevent your pee pee's from pending knife threats.
saturday was spent shopping more (hee hee) and preparing for a birthday party. we got all gussied up and then met up with friends (and the one who causes mad swooning) for korean bbq and dancing.
being out and about felt good. usually i'm a total grandma-ma about such things, but saturday night was cool.
the only chink in my chain was a boo boo the valet guy made. didn't notice it until later, but the wanker totally broke my passenger door handle. i mean it's gone lol...i'm driving around in a hoopty that requires me to open the door for you by getting in and reaching over. niiiiiice.
even with that though, i'm still smiling and giggling into my cinammon coffee on this fine monday morning.
a good portion of my 2009 blog entries would passively aggressively discuss this guy i've been digging for almost a year now. i think he's pretty amazing. we're not a couple but i have this inner calm that is thankful he's popped up into my life at all. i'm cool with the mantra, "what will be, will be."what can i say, i DIG the guy.
"Let me tell you why I love him"
- he's quiet initially but definitely can step up to the gangsta plate if someone's trying to push him around.
- he has this distinct laugh that is definitely nerdy, but he STILL razzes me for my ernie/duck laugh.
- he has THE hottest bawd i've ever seen. if i could marry his pecs alone i'd be a happy camper.
- he could win the olympic gold in cuddling...not too clingy...doesn't make me sweat...doesn't stick me into his armpit and call it a day.
- he has a green phone. that's just meant to be folks!
- he uses an old school razor...his hotness goes thru the roof because of this one.
- his natural smell is intoxicating. he smells like a giant picked him up and hung him out to dry in heavenly sunshine perfection
- he digs good real hip hop
- he's down to work out with me and never leaves me behind
- he gives me butterflies every time he smiles at me
- he loves to clean just as much as i do
- he has a kind heart and it's apparent to all those around. the guy made me homemade chicken soup when i got sick once...dude!
- he thinks i'm something :)
I found myself immediately intrigued by him
It's almost like I knew this man from another life
Like back then maybe I was his husband maybe he was my wife"
i swear the first time i met him i stopped breathing. usually when i see really hot dudes i roll my eyes. it's totally horrible, i know, but i have this theory that beautiful people lack substance. unless you grew up dorky and a half, society never demands that you develop a personality. but he spoke to me and it was like that cartoon chime that happens when magic is happening. i was a bumbling idiot. for two months i couldn't look the guy in the eyes. he'd smile at me and say hi and i'd put my head down and turn about three shades of rojo red.
obviously i got over my fears and actually spoke to the guy. i found myself wanting to start more conversations. after a month or so i invited him out for burgers at my favorite hamburger joint in pasadena. i thought maybe then i'd see what i'd need to stop crushing so hard on the guy...we'd have horribly awkward conversation and that would be the end of it, but it was just the opposite. i didn't want the night to end. there was just something about him...
Cause it's not hard for me to understand him cause he's so much like me
And it's truly my pleasure to share his company
And I know that it's God's gift to breathe
The air he breathes"
(Do you know what he did)
(Girl do you know what he DID)
If he ever left me I wouldn't even be sad no
Cause there's a blessin' in every lesson
And I'm glad that I knew him at all"
here's the rub though. he may leave... he wants to jump state and chase opportunity and that there is sad my friends for me. the mature me knows deep down i gotta let the guy do whatever he needs to do. (i of all people understand what supporting one's dreams really means.) i need to shut my hole known as a mouth and accept that what is meant to be will be...
the little devil sitting on my shoulder keeps asking me if this is the right thing to do though. i mean lorenz tate didn't say ANYTHING in love jones when nia long went to ny to see what was up with her ex fiance. it caused drama that led to nia hooking up with bill bellamy... i can't hook up with bill bellamy ya'll!!!
"There ain't no substitute for the truth
Either it is or isn't
(Cause he is the truth)
You see the truth it needs no proof
Either it is or it isn't"
we went to see a psychic together. she took us each individually. afterwards we went to lunch to discuss what the other had heard. over portuguese food, he told me how this woman had told him three major things...first he would keep the job he was worried about losing. second, more money would start coming to him..and third, that him and i had this special love that wouldn't be broken.
she broke down all kinds of truth to me...how i care for him, what i do for him...crazy.
mind you, we're not officially a couple. on paper--just friends. she told him all of that and not even a month later the first two have come true for him. so i wonder now...about the man i think i know so well...i wonder what he's thinking in that head of his and if he believes that third truth or not.
"Cause he is the truth
Said he is so real
And I love the way that he makes me feel
And if I am a reflection of him then I must be fly because
His light it shines so bright"
i'm gonna continue with the "sitting back and being patient" thang. if it's meant to be, it will be...
all i know for sure is i dig the guy. did i mention that already? (smiles) songs started making sense, i'd smile randomly at my desk and then giggle remembering some sweet nothing.
so that's my story...my heart is exposed once again. and like i thought, it felt good to release.
this quote jumped out of the pages of a book i'm reading and bit me on the brain. yes, it hurt a little...when was the last time you pondered words like savoury or battens?
i can dig aspects of the quote. who doesn't feel inspired by hanging with the gifted and talented fishies in the ocean? i love hanging around those that both move it and shake it--the unique blend of brains that i find myself sitting with at times. but, while i luv me some yummy intellectual discussions, i find that i need a blend of conversations. i don't know if you've noticed or not, but i'm the queen of dumbing-down-talk. i realize most "ladies" don't discuss toots and poots, but i find diversity is the key to my happiness. not so much keen on the idea of attaching myself strictly to the best and brightest minds.
while i was in kc i had the opportunity to hang with my best bud and her peoples. all of these cats are smarter than the average bear. we discussed politics and conspiracy theories--definite normal conversations for these folks. at one point the conversation turned to reproducing and i about peed my pants from all the randomness.
one gentle person said folks shouldn't be allowed to reproduce in the future without passing a series of IQ tests...one guy suggested a tax break for producing kids with high test scores...lol
while i'm fascinated by the breath of conversations i've been privy to over the years, (and appreciate those that love to engage my brain with fascinating info) i did wig a little. i let that whole convo go right over my head into my kid sister's beer.
the whole thing reminds me of that movie, parenthood, steve martin did. you know...the one where his niece is this braniac kid who knows the symbols for all of the elements while his kid enjoys putting on football helmets and banging his head into the wall. there is a point to this...sometimes you just wanna have fun and zone out. sometimes you just wanna be special. at least i do.
i need some balance. i caught myself wanting to tell a burp or fart joke to lighten things up. i'm pretty sure i would have caused a monumental moment of intelligent/scary/sacred silence though.
that's just me... professors from my past are probably twitching at this very moment.
i've mentioned before that i have a twin named nicole. every day we find crazy similarities that make us question our births and the date of our births. (i incubated a tid bit longer than her.)
all twin chaos broke loose and went buck buck when i saw that she loves writing haikus too. today she wrote one on a blog post that had me giggling so i shared one i wrote last night to my sister...her poem and my poem follow:
That place is boring.
Camera restrictions sometimes.
Let's go home instead
oh sad little drape
you are so little.
nina sees people.
you see...nina (the kid sister) and i had discussed how the perk of living alone allows you to walk around buck naked without anyone moaning and groaning for you to throw on some boxers. sadly, nina has no curtain in her dorm room so she can't very well run free. i sharedthis explanation with twin and she came up with this mess that had me about ready to pee my pants at work with fits of laughter:
"Not sad. These are important discussions! Also not having to close the door when you use the bathroom is another plus of living alone. Here is my ode to living alone in haiku form"
Food is not stolen.
Let boobies and vag be free.
Poop with open door.
have i ever mentioned how much i adore my friends?
convo i had with jersey:
me: i just told ole boy to lay off the fake sugar...you should too!
jersey: haha ok...well my cofffee..i need sugar in it
me: that's ok...lol real sugar
jersey: ok i'll try
me: better for you anyways foolio. i don't trust the fake stuff...in 20 years they'll find out that stuff grows boobies on your balls
me: just saying...
while i may not seem like a free spirit i pretty much am. the reason i point this out is because my dear pal nicole sent me sage to burn in my apartment. she attached a sweet note in the package stating that she knows i'm not hippy dippy but my dear twin had no clue i recommend sage burnings to all my friends when they're experiencing reoccurring funks.
ironically, i've never done one myself so today will be a nice little treat for me. what am i clearing out you ask?
i grew a big crush on someone and they grew a crush back but not enough to keep me from the lands of wonky... lucky for me, i ran a marathon and it changed my perspective on needing. someone who trains for 5 months for a race that takes hours to run doesn't need someone unless that person is holding water at mile 15! i still care for this guy and thinks he's totally the bee's knees (just don't need him!) so while we continue to dance around with the maybe so, maybe no, i figured it couldn't hurt to burn.
i need to clear the air of goodbyes, of holding on to my past, of weird friendships that need to run their course, of writing slumps...it's time to burn some sage folks!
2010 looks so promising. i love actually taking the year by the balls and molding it into something i can be proud of.
i apologize in advance to my roomie...hopefully this stuff smells delightful or at least eases up before she gets home from work :)
update: i stubbed my toe while doing the sage thing. that negative energy was really trying to go out with a bang...no pun intended.
Labels: guy buds
Something happens to you in the middle of a marathon...
People running around you morph into obstacles or bulldozers. Powerade suddenly tastes yummy--liquid gold sent from the heavens above.
Pain becomes a fuel to keep going…and also to keep going faster. You wonder not when it’s over, but if you can remain in the present to capture every minute, every step, every arm pump, every running shadow that whispers your stride’s dance.
You revel in the thoughts that pop into your head. "You’re amazing. You’re so proud you stuck with training. This is easy. This feels good…"
Kooky things start to happen. Time has no meaning. You blink and 5 miles pass.
Finally you cross the finish line and you cry because it’s over. You don’t know whether they are tears of relief, longing, or pride. You’re no longer a machine connected to the road, but a person turned marathoner. The uncertainty of emotions matters not. Tears come piling out.
It’s the greatest high I’ve ever experienced.
Lucky for me, I have a rad, totally awesome best friend and blogging bully who made me sit down and write about my first marathon before passing the heck out on my hotel bed. Make sure to click on my FBG story today and read Jen's that posted on Monday.
(for all those scratching your heads…14158 was my running number. It’s my new favorite number)
my marathon posts have been reserved for fitbottomedgirls.com so be sure to check them out this week on tuesday. (you know i'll remind ya.)
for the next couple of days i plan to focus on ice baths, massages (fingers crossed!) and healing. i have bruises on my ankles and can barely bend my knees.
gangsta... i know.
day 2: woke up ungodly early because best friend was peering over me with perky smile plastered on face gleefully exclaiming, “it’s animal kingdom day!!!” got to park and had a blast peeping out the animals and tourists. we road some cool rides (screamed like wussies) caught the nemo show (“keep swimming” mantra fitting for marathon mentality!) ate and drank warm beverages. once it started raining we bounced.
went to downtown disney for din din. ate at gloria estefan’s restaurant (plantains!!!) met a nice guy at one of the shops named trey who hopefully will be running next year’s race with jen and i.
came back to the hotel, fell asleep watching sex and the city. (it’s our thing—miranda was training for a marathon!) drinking lots of water per dr j's instructions.
day 3: met up with fitness bloggers at a local spot called the peach valley café. for the first time we were around other peeps like us. it was dope hearing other people talking about getting jiggy with carbing up, freaking out the first time 4 mile runs seemed like baby runs, having the proper gear, runner jokes…j and i got a bit nervous at one point (you can only talk so much about mile 17, 18, 20 and 22 being hard as hades before you want to shit shot bloks.) drinking lots of water per dr j's instructions.
day 4: race day tomorrow!!!
by the end of the first month of the first year--this weekend to be exact-- i will have completed the most awesome of awesome goals. i will have run a marathon.
26.2 miles of hard core dedication and will power.
then what? i don't see myself conquering mt everest anytime soon....
what do you do after a frickin marathon? it's not like i love this ish enough to move on to iron mans and triathlons. is it all downhill from here?
do i start lesser goals until i reach the point where i'm high fiving people because i remembered to chew gum, blink and pick my nose simultaneously?
i'm the benjamin button of goals :)
Labels: work out
i point this out with dramatic flare because i take such organizational endeavors quite seriously.
what to bring:
1. all necessary hogwash that helps one remain so fresh and so clean
2. clothing suitable for running 26.2 miles in 30-50 degree temperatures--the TACKIEST pare of silver running tights will be in the mix. i've had these tights since i was in 6th grade. that's adorable damn it.
3. a most lovely gift from jersey called "the small wonder." this little gizmo takes awesome video and pics. plus it's super duper flat so i can take it with me while we run and snap shots of jen and i doing our thug thizzle.
4. dvds, laptop and chargers...we have to fit some fbg writing in there at some point. i figure i'll blog about the adventures while i'm at it. (that whole 3 posts a week probably won't happen this week...special circumstances you see.)
5. a hair straightener. yes i will indeed come home with straight hair because i haven't gotten to rock straight hair since obama was inaugurated. (kid you not). i have three whole days of rest which means no sweatin out my ish and lookin a hot mess. it's time to be girly and switch thangs up!
other things will find their way into my huge suitcase but those are the important mentionables. orlando here i come! get ready for tish-eetah and j-elle (tish + cheetah and j + gizelle...lovely creations brought to you by my cuz)
yesterday was the end of my "big" runs. you'd think that would have filled my fit heart with joy beyond words but i was a lazy little bum yesterday morning. i layed on my living room couch for a couple of hours watching flicks and pondering life. it took j's text stating she was about to go do her run that got me in motion.
i threw on my running skirt and my shoes and got busy and now all i have left is a 2 and 3 mile run ahead of me and that's it before the big honcho.
2010 starts with a finish line dream. that's crazy!