Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

This post is a long time coming...

Warning: The following is a rant. It is not a PMS rant, but a rant, nonetheless. This means your testicles will be fine men. Your hair will not be ripped from your head ladies. You can all rest assured my verbal leash has been snapped on firmly.

So here's the deal. Unless you were lucky enough to find your boo straight out of elementary school, you'll more than likely have to deal with the dreaded ex girlfriend's memory. And even then...he might have crushed on Mrs. "She let me eat glue...Sigh" so whatever. There will be baggage of some sort. There will be stories, slight comparisons, friend's banter about the ex etc. etc. that sneak their way into your slimy little inch worms.

You'd think I could deal with this. I mean I am the queen of bad dates, first time dates, weird dates, sorry dates, and jacked up dates. Not only that, but I'm also the guru of eve's dropping on my homie's conversations about women...So I know the ex talk happens...And I love the human story immensely. I love knowing about people's lives ESPECIALLY my guy's life. He's pretty snazzy, but that doesn't mean I want to know what shampoo ole girl used!

He's a twin. He's from that weird little world called Jersey...There are just oodles of juicy nuggets to learn about. About him...not the exes, yo! Yeah, I know I wanted to know if it was an amicable split. I realize I asked if he was respectful. That's it, though! That's all my butt needs to know! I don't need to walk down memory lane...I want to strut down a new path, with mi amor only!

The whole jacked up thing reminds me of an episode of SATC when Carrie finds out Big was married before and all she sees is his ex wife after that...literally, she sees her everywhere.

Here's the deal...This is why I cringe telling ya'll this cuz I hate the "I" word. (Insecure) It's not that comparisons are taking me down...I just think it's odd that everyone is still riding the Ex Girlfriend's Train. My mom used to jock an ex of mine hardcore...Michael "The Architect" was her pride and joy...She adored that dude..and would let new boyfriends know she did if they came over to visit...Can you say awkward? I finally had to pull her aside...OK, so I had to pull her aside multiple times and let her know it wasn't cool.... she had to let her dream son-in-law go. She may still email his ass, but at least she doesn't tell me.

The point is, once that relationship is over, you make room for the new one. I felt so bad for those guys when they'd hear the Michael speech and now years later I'm right in those darn dudes' shoes. Mr. Karma gets confused apparently. I'm supposed to be rewarded for having their back, not knocked down to fall on my own!

So there's not really much a gal can do other than allow my butt to keep on twitching. I know there are others out there just like me dealing with the same ghosts, but women never really talk about this nonsense so I'm at a loss. It's not like you can tell everyone in your dude's world there's a new bad mama jama in town. I wonder if I'm some guys' annoying/not forgotten ex. This is all so interesting and yet, so painfully crowded!


  1. one of mr. soup's exes just recently moved to Texas (thankfully not Dallas) and she told him via facebook that she had a dream that I tried to kill her. yeah. fun times with the exes. not!


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