stank

11.03.2010
what happened to the good old days when people smelled each other's original funk and decided it wasn't that bad and then got busy and made babies?

don't get me wrong, i love scents (blvlgari green tea is yummy and then some) BUT i'm so over manly scented body wash. the stuff makes me queesy for sheezy my peezy.

everytime i get in the shower it happens...i get all nice and relaxed, i reach for my subtle, yet sweet soap that smells like a baby and WHAM! i'm hit over the head with essence of teenage boy. you know what i'm referring to...all that strong nasty brut cologne crap the 6th grade boys used to bathe in after gym class...some sick dingledork took that smell and decided it could pack more of a damaging punch to the female nostril if it was combined with shower gel. "let's get it nice and steamy where you almost can't breath and then zap them with a smell so fierce it'll singe their nostril hairs off!"

i want to shake the old spice folks and ask them what i ever did to deserve such cruel and pungent punishment. i want to connect with dublin dudes and dudettes and ask them if irish springs really smell like man musk.

the stuff reaks of man funk. a man can have a nice warm (or cool!) scent that whispers to your nose "i'm ready to be eaten alive" it should never, ever whisper "i just skinned an animal and ate the carcass with my bare hands."

i don't want a mountain man! i don't NEED a mountain man and i definitely don't want to smell the mountain man. i feel like one of those dogs that has lost its scent because it has smelled cocaine for too long.

(i learned that cocaine numbs a dog's nose from the book number the stars...it's how jews were able to keep themselves hidden when evil nazis came with dogs to hunt them down...in case you wanted to know where my cocaine knowledge stemmed from...uh huh...i knew you were curious.)

men's shower gel should be sublte and more city-like...leave the evergreens and sweat from chopping wood alone!

i'm nauseated and i approve this message.

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