a bowl of la flakes

Yesterday wasn't a snazzy day snuggle bears. A flood of emotions came bursting out of me like old faithful when I was stood up for some evening plans. Normally I'd chalk it up to LA flakers...A brand of people located in the remote region of Southern California who come up with the most whack ways of flaking on your butt. It happens so often that people around here will ask me to do something and then ask me two, three, a hundred times if I'm going to flake on them. I get offended...Of course I'm not from this silly land, so I would.

Anyways...I got stood up and I was sad and then people who did not come to my party for whatever reasons started asking me questions about it. Was it fun, what happened, blah blah blah. Here's the deal-e-o...It's cemented in my DNA that being a loyal and good friend is a character builder like a mutha trucker. I take great pride in being there for my friends. Whether it be helping someone de-clutter their home for HOURS just because, or attending some event so they don't have to go at it alone, I'll be there, because that my friends is what you're supposed to do.

I seriously put so much into my friendships. I try so hard and I do so much...I had my first party...My first hostessing party EVER. I planned that thing for two whole months. I created a menu, I asked an event planner for advice, I got a fever blister from the stress for Pete's sake and still some people who knew I was doing all that still managed to ditch my day and act like it was nothing. I may never have a wedding...I'm cheap and I stress about the tiniest details. (I don't think I could handle something as important as a wedding!) and I know now after that party, I won't be throwing any more any time soon. It was hella expensive and left me exhausted and wiped at the end. (Two days later I've just now finished cleaning.)

I'm just so disappointed in friendship philosophy nowadays. Whatever happened to some one's word meaning something? Whatever happened to supporting your loved ones? Whatever happened to being there?

Don't get me wrong, I had some wonderful people show up and make that night a lot of stankin' good fun. Like I said, I didn't break down crying until the flakers started asking how the party went on Monday morning.

I had to run five miles yesterday for my half marathon training. As soon as I started running I could feel the anger and hurt pulsing through my body and pumping my heart like it's never pumped before. I just kept asking the Universe how much more I have to give of myself to get something back. I'm so willing to bend over backwards for my guy, my friends and my family...Is it wrong to want the same in return? I never did those things intending reciprocity, but now that I'm looking back...Now that I'm sitting here writing thank you cards alone I'm wondering if it's worth it to give so much of one's self for free...Isn't the fundamental center of karma cause and effect? You get what you give? If one sows goodness, one will reap goodness...

Not my typical goofy post... Gotta step out of the box every now and then to remind you I may be goofy, but I'm still a sensitive soul. Apparently a sensitive soul contemplating if bitch really is the new black.


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