don't blame me! blame eve!

10.20.2010
when i was a kid i used to think women were full of horse shit when they said that pms made them do it....that "it" stood for every nasty act of behavior gals could throw at the world from setting their dude's big toe on fire to crying in public...


horse shit, right? i mean control yourself before you wreck yourself!!! i think i jinxed the shit out of myself the minute i uttered that hip hop slang credo...

it's like when i used to wonder why we needed a BET network...why did black folks even need that?! after being racially outed by a cop circa the college years i promptly stuck my foot in my mouth and mumbled "not so tasty". i had to stick that foot back in my mouth the first time i experienced torrential displays of horrendous premenstual wrath that unexpectantly unleashed upon  the happy world.

my pms is a monster i've named monstrucia. she's sick with it...

i know she's lurking about when a simple misunderstanding between i and another leads me to believe they're the most stupid organism on the planet and need to be destroyed. (i apologize to the little old woman who asked if i had accidentally printed to her printer at work the other day.)

i also apologize to the man i threatened at work who kept me from going pee pee. i kind of, sort of told him i'd cut his balls off if he didn't stop talking and let me go. what...?! holding one's bladder is not healthy. EFF PROFESSIONALISM!!! (that's monstrucia talking.)

i can feel myself getting upset over something, but then there's this flood of hormones that drip down from my head like blood and take the hell over and a small annoyance turns into the biggest let down on the face of the muther truckin' planet. at that point it's really no use talking to me or reasoning with me because i'll either slap you in the face, burst out crying then promptly use your shirt as a snot rag, or snap my neck off trying to tear off your face's flesh with my words.

how i miss the days of simple cramps, bloating and occasionally zit outbreaks.


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