til death do we drive away

yeah, i was engaged once. ususally when people find out i said "yeah, sure...why not." when i was 18 their faces morph into weird stares filled with judgment: "ohhhh...so you were dumb in the past?"

yeah, i totally was. and then some. as a child i thought all of the united states was inside the state of texas. (it's possible for someone like that to think marriage at 18 was cool.)

luckily, i didn't marry and because it actually, technically wasn't my fault that the marriage never happened (we'll save that story for a rainy day.) i got to keep the good ole ring.

this week marks the week that young dufus proposed oh-so-many years ago. unfortunately, the wanker chose labor day weekend so that specific act of stupidity is etched on my noggin indefinitely. usually i groan and moan in annoyance whenever the memory pops up, but this year is a bit different.

first, i have a wonderful guy who has proven i'm not a lost cause when it comes to picking non-dimented guys. second, i finally figured out that texas doesn't hold all of the u.s. in its borders so my intelligence perked up a bit. third, i totally own and love the fact that i was totally gangsta at how i handled the engagement, the end of the engagement and the final act of that "relationship". i used to be quite mum about the story i'm about to tell, but mum no more!

i was on twitter the other day and came across the woman who helped me with that whole final act bit. basically, i sold the ring. and it felt gooooood. the twitter friend bought that specific ring off of me. basically, in a kiwi shell, i told her i was kind of, not really in the mood to ever wear the darn thing, let alone, look at the darn thing ever again. she worked at a jewlery store so...I SOLD THAT ISH!

POOF! i had gas money (and then some) for my trip out to los angeles! hot dog! one man's treasure is another chick's ticket to dream land apparently.
bling bling = vroom! vroom!

a birthday gift

the gift of giving...such a splendid act...

it warms not only the soul of the receiver, but the giver's heart as well. i have a great friend up in northern cali whose birthday was this past weekend. jersey and i were planning on celebrating with her, but then car issues, moving costs and grown up stuff got in the way so we had to forfeit. it broke my heart to tell my girlie...i could tell she was bummed about about it. talk about hard news to break.

then her darling angelic husband called me last thursday night and said, "she can't celebrate without you. i've booked you a ticket. get on the plane. my wife needs ya." i about melted. so i woke up bright and early on saturday morning, got on a plane, and it was a wrap.

i showed up at the hotel casino rocking cupcakes and met her where she was eating...hamburger in hand, she froze in bewilderment and then the tears started falling. i've never felt so loved before...i got to be my girl's gift. talk about a great surprise from the hubby. man had EVERYONE in on it. good secret bro : )

we spent the weekend celebrating and having a grand ole time. it was the best mini vacay hang with my girl...sometimes i get so caught up in my career and future...what i'm not doing..how that some how relates to my character. then my friends come along bringing beautiful perspective...

birthday night...5 years of friendship

her ladies in waiting...

haitian revival

i have visited the motherland or at least the land of mother.

my gal pal from back in the day, ms diva dara, (d.d. for short) was kind enough to invite jersey and i to her baby shower last sunday and boy was i happy she did.

her husband, a haitian bunch of perfection that can cook his ass off, THREW IT DOWN. he stuck his foot in it...he threw down! i have never had such yummy grub before...(especially at a baby shower.) i love coed showers. there was good beer, wine and conversation going around our table...perfect ending to a weekend i say.

i had this dark rice and THE best chicken with these little haitian mushrooms. UGH! i die! two buck chuck made it reeeeeal nice.

d.d. even hooked me up with a magazine called kiwi and a book she said is similar to my own writing style. (sweet support) it warmed my heart like you wouldn't believe. overall it was pretty darn a perfect night. jersey and i met some really cool people with great stories and trivia AND i got to spend time with a friend from the old school who happens to be cooking up something beautiful in that belly of hers. it just feels good being a part of something sweet, ya know?

looks like i'm gonna be an auntie again...i shall spoil that diva's doll to death!

pillars of the earth

oh sweet heaven, i love me some pillars of the earth!

i don't know how many people i've recommended that huge ginormous monstrous book to, but i've passed that ish around more than the devil's lettuce is passed around in a bob marley fan club meeting.
so yeah....i dig that book. it captivated me for a spring and had me spending all my free time outside in a park in burbank reading to my little heart's content. i cried when i finished it. i missed those darn characters and longed for another couple hundred pages. (yeah, i said it.)

a couple of weeks ago my gal pal brigid did the sweetest, most generous, awesome thing...she told me that there was a miniseries...angels had made my beloved book into a flick! woo to the hoo!

i seriously thought i'd have to cash in my nerd card and watch the darn thing in secret (jersey's not really into period pieces, i'm afraid.) never assume! he was intrigued and hooked within minutes of its start...we frickin' watched five episodes the first night. we were holding open our eyelids with tongs by the end. it was totally wickedly worth it.

i'm currently waiting for the rest of the series. we've been watching them on netflix instant play...oh YEAH. netflix, give me my sweet hit again. pump that medieval magic right into my veins noble knight of nightly entertainment!

katsuYEAH baby!

i love perfect cousin. have i mentioned perfect cousin before? perfect cousin is sheli...who the fam bam refers to as perfect because she kind of is. she's beautiful to boot PLUS she actually has a great personality and sense of humor which is rare for someone who's been beautiful her whole damn life. (she totally debunked my angel theory/pretty girl theory.)

while she only lives an hour from me, we rarely get a chance to hang and do familial bonding activities together so a couple of days ago i whined to her and so we set up a time to meet. that meeting happened last night at this magical restaurant called katsuya. the dude and i were grumbling beforehand cuz we had looked up the menu online and that ish was expensive as hell. (not cool for two folks trying to save money so that we can afford basics like food and shelter) we devised a game plan though of what we could eat and afford and we were off.

game plans never work when you're out with perfect cousin apparently. ms thang's got a new boo named caleb that is dreamy as my aunt says and apparently also is kind with his sushi sharing. he treated all of us (including his really cool and interesting friend tom from japan) to a bunch of dishes that he's had before at the place. we feasted (and i mean FEASTED) on the best food i've tasted this year. we had this really smooth tuna belly stuff that seriously melted in my dumbfounded mouth. i had a kiwi drink that brought a tear to my eye...sushi rolls for days and these beautifully simple but tasty green peppers that had me dancing (literally) in my chair.

they shared stories of their recent trip to japan to see tom and the hours passed by. (CUH-RAZY considering i don't go out on school nights)

it was a great night...totally knocked out an impending cold from my system. happiness and good company can do that i guess.

i love nights like that...there are so many interesting people in the world...i love when people get together...share their worlds (and food luvs!)....that kind of life does a soul good.

this was a third of what we grubbed upon

kiwi drink!!! and it was tasty...kiwi perfection. it don't get no betta


Life is where one goes, tish, to temporarily believe in death, fleetingly forget their power, and briefly have the Dickens scared out of them, voluntarily.

All in the name of adventure.

You're bad,

The Universe

yeah...the dickens have definitely left the house of tish. i have NO clue about anything right now. do i seem like i have it all together cuz i don't. i've decided against new 'headshots' cuz the last group of really expensive mug shots did diddly scoot for my career. i maybe went on one audition...maybe. can't remember it was so long ago. (there's bitterness in my tone right now.)

i shall break the news to my agent later this week and she may drop me from the group, but i care not. maybe it's time to get dropped. maybe you have to be stripped of everything you're holding on to in order to make room for new and improved good stuff.

who knows...at this point everything's just thoughts swirling around in my head. nothing's really morphing into something real or tangible.

acting, writing, moving, vacationing, living....all these ings require oodles of patience. so while i work on patience you get to just watch as i remain in limbo...not really doing much of anything but dreaming. i'm learning that's not always a snazzy thing. can i still rock the dreams of today let's say a month from now? a year...five years from now? do dreams go out of style? will my friends talk about me like i've just stepped outside rocking a mullet with a sock & sandal combo? we shall see.

all this picture did was prove i have a very large forehead/fivehead.

still trying to figure out how THIS will lead to a chair (sitting on a film set) with my name on it

9 to 5 misery

i'm pretty sure that little evil elves of evilness live in my work printer and jam every second sheet of paper that comes out. i swear i'm gonna take that gosh forsaken piece of pooh and chuck it out the winder one of these days. watch out little elves...i'm coming for you.

video of: Mutual Pain

#$&@(* NUT!!!

yesterday in traffic i yelled at the rubber neckers, "KEEP IT MOVING FUCK NUTS! CELEBRITIES DON'T CHANGE THEIR OWN TIRES!"...and the person driving the forerunner with the north carolina plates yelled "YOU SAID IT SISTUR!"

i love los angeles...but when traffic gets stupid my foreign roots shine like a gold digger's diamonds.

snow white syndrome

whoa...did i really just move in with my dude and totally go snow white on his ass?!?! i think i did...

i can't remember the last time i felt the kind of joy i felt when i started space baggin' ish in the place...getting out the CLR and going to town on the rust spots. i even rearranged the shelves in the refrigerator to provide optimum space and viewing capabilities. lol. have i mentioned i'm a clean freak?

while my guy is most definitely a neat and tidy dear he ain't got nothin' on this chick! i was just researching bamboo fencing and twinkle lights for the patio...yeah, it's like that.

we LOVE space bags!!!
order in a chaotic world...

girly bits poppin' up everywhere. poor fellow
we're getting there...


home depot is our new best friend. bamboo fencing rocks!

work it, own it!

a couple nights ago a fairy godmother called me up on my crackberry and told me two ghosts would be calling my phone that night...

my gal pal maria works in casting and when she heard about someone needing someone who had some fitness jive to talk about she called upon her lovely mixed sister from another mister, ME!

before i knew what was going on i had a guy coming over to tape me doing some nifty work for oprah's network, OWN. if they use my bits, they'll air in january. me and the guy were totally geeking out over it.

it's these little tiny moments that make me squeal with delight. it's a nugget of luck...that i kindly will take and appreciate.

*My attempt at sounding smart and fitness-y

Getting ready for the close-up
*both pictures taken by my swell, totally supportive in a rad way guy

brigid's coffee

anyone named after a mythical place discussed in the lord of the rings has to have cool things in her life.

brigid (who used to be bree until i found out her real name and thus decided i had to keep that coolness active) heard my cyber cries for help concerning a coffee dilemma i had (my coffee was tasting like arse) so she promptly sent over coffee from michigan...specifically, this quaint and beautiful little place called mackinac island where cars are illegal and fudge reigns supreme.

the woman sent me chocolate rasberry coffees in cute little pooches...fudge coffee that had the guy's eyes buggin' out...i.am.in.java heaven.

the next time i see that girl i shall bow and scream "we're not worthy! we're not worthy!"

there's no way my boring little taste buds deserve gourmet perfection like that...afterall, i am the girl that thinks all beer tastes the same.

the minions are not happy

i am a type A spazmatic freakazoid.

i admit this freely, openly, intentionally and i do so with über amounts of pride.

i like things to happen yesterday speed. i like order, cleanliness, space rationality...i need all of these things in my life in order to appease the little minions that live deep, deep down inside my noggin.

one thing i've figured out on my big kid relationship journey: organizing shared space costs money.

bummer. ouch. EW!!! that hurt to even write.

i know the feeling i want to feel when i walk into our place but i lack clear vision (and can't afford to pay someone to help with that ish.) i have no idea how to utilize space efficiently. i just know i don't wanna see shit in places that it shouldn't be. i shouldn't have crackers in my linen closet cuz there's no room in the pantry. "that's a mortal sin! we do not approve! it hurts! it hurts, queen tish!" the minions cry.

i need hooks and shelves and tiny drawer spaces in the bathroom for my lady bit accessories. i need laundry bins that hide their tacky little selves. i need something that magically makes computer cords back the fuck up and hide themselves before they wreck themselves.

is this too much to ask? are you asking yourself right now, "self: does she know that it's weird that she places too damn much importance on this little shit?" yeah i know...i'm weird, ok? somethings that may annoy the shit out of you like for instance the ongoing war between mac and the pc mean nothing to mean. i can rest comfortably while dating hipsters and nerds battle it out in cyberspace. shoes inside the house? another thing that bothers me not. this makes many of my friends wince with pain but i care not. see, it balances out somewhere. (smiles)

i need a damn HGTV fairy godmother to come into my life and cut me some slack. i'm 29. i'm grown for goodness' sake! i should have a place that feels homie and less like a college frickin' frackin' dorm room. are spaces like the ones below too much to ask for?...

art should be...funny quirky but sexy sophisticated...lol yes, i realize that's a baby with attitude
i think of my books (aka children) as art. they should be placed on shelves with tasteful respect...with white apples.
this is a work space. do you see a cord? i don't see a cord!

i could sleep here...it lacks essence of prison bed feel.

function over form can take a hike. i want pretty stuff to look at!

this is my hell...chills are running up and down my spine

geek streak

Duke Geek Camp

i coulda been a contenda!

when i was a crumb snatcher i was considered to be a pretty smart apple. i took some test in the first grade that basically said "hey this little dudette is smart. why don't you stop feeding her this booshit you've got going on and make it happen."

thus my teacher, fashioned in her very best apple sweater vest, went to my dear sweet mother and asked if they could send me off to duke for a summer to learn and be brainy.

my mom, the young and geek-phobic mother that she was, wasn't having that. she couldn't see the ga ga future that could have been and told them to keep it steppin. "there's plenty of edumacuation here in texas...the state with one of the lowest scores nationwide when it comes to academics."

and there my brain stopped.

but i'm not bitter.

take it to the house

lets get one thing straight. i am a heathen. have been for years so please forgive me for writing this post from the perspective of a spiritual nitwit. my guy digs church and so i go with him sometimes when i feel like a curious cat. I can honestly (and surprisingly) say i dig the place. it's peaceful and people know how to keep their eyes forward and mind their own beeswax. they're not worried about whether or not i'm rockin' to the hymns or clapping to the organ.

i hadn't been for awhile. I tend to write a lot on sundays, but i've been really stressed about someone renting my place and money and this and that so last sunday peace sounded good.

turns out a visiting priest from la's east side was speaking. apparently they've been trying to get the guy to come for awhile. he's this charismatic guy that comes from an area where latino gangs run the streets. he mentioned the barrio and rolled his Rs with perfection so i decided to stop gawking at the architecture and actually listen.

he told a story about a guy named youngster who applied for a program the priest was involved in called homeboy industries. youngster wanted the job, but hesitated when he learned that puppet, a dude from a rival gang, would be working by his side. the job was too tempting to pass up though so youngster decided they could work together...he just vowed he wouldn't talk to the guy. five months went by.

one night puppet was walking through an alley when he ran into a rival gang. ten men immediately went to town beating the crap out of him until he was unconscious. the priest said when he got to the hospital puppet's face was swollen so bad you couldn't recognize him. they had to put him in icu. three days later puppet died. the priest continued stating that before puppet had been taken off life support, youngster had called. he said that what had happened to youngster was messed up and wanted to know if he should give him his blood for a transfusion. "he is my friend, father."

the priest paused, obviously upset. he told the congregation we have to stop thinking they against us... It's just a big us and nothing more. "You can't demonize once you know and understand."

that whole they vs us stuck with me. later i went to my guy's basketball game. a father on his team was playing against his son's team. the team, usually full of piss and vinegar, wasn't fowling as much... less scowling... more helping hands up. more fundamentals, less cheap tricks. all because they knew the other team...

the priest's words suddently took shape. it was cool to witness.

i may be a heathen, but i'm pretty good at recognising beauty when it dribbles down my court.

why bank of america is on my shit list

the good ole b of a is on my list. why you ask? basically the bank made a tiny oops and didn't slap my account with this protection thing  when they should have. they said they would refund me back the money they pulled from another account that day, but didn't.  i waited a couple days and then transferred the money (and paid the penalty for the transfer) myself. then the bank decided to wake up and make the transfer...not checking to see if it had been done or not.


needless to say i got on the phone with not one, not two, not even three BUT FOUR knuckleheads to explain my predicament. basically because of their little oopsies, i was supposed to bend over and take the news that i'd be without any cash at all for 5 days while they calmly and casually fixed the issue.

one supervisor later, i have $100 (they allowed me to borrow from my savings account) to last me until they set my account back to right...yes, i just told you how much i have in my bank account. shocking, i know.

i've never been really good at being bitchy. let me rephrase that. i've never been good about causing a bitch ass stink when someone does me or my money wrong. i'm polite and passive aggressive...so i'm writing this post in hopes that lots of young impressionable folks just starting out in the world give that bank the middle finger.

friends, please excuse my lack of play for a bit...somehow i have to find a way for money to grow out of my ass so that i can pay for my upcoming move, food, gas and survival.

ps bank of america was a baby eating cannibal from the asshole tribe in its former life.

pps headshots have to wait i'm afraid. life calls!


recently j picked up a killer mentor who told her that going after our dreams shouldn't entail us having to sacrifice everything...

applying that logic, i shouldn't HAVE to give up sleep or comfort to push for something, right? lol

the reason i bring this up is because i was supposed to go to this ku theater & film fundraiser the other night, but i totally forgot about it. the calendar update buzzed 5 minutes before it was supposed to start downtown...i groaned in my chucks and jeans, thinking of the 8 hour day i just had and the 45 minute workout i had had to endure. so i didn't go.

yes, there were probably mad connections there for me, as well as friends in the industry doing the darn thing. i have a couple of friends that work on the casting side. some are directors, some actors...all have fires (bigger than mine) under their butts.

for YEARS i slaved and worshipped everything acting. i gave up relationships and scooted along in the name of film (think jennifer anniston) and now i'm pooped. i'd like to work on my book and when acting comes a'knocking i will kindly answer the door with a smile on my face, no sweat on brow. according to j's mentor if you ask the universe for something it will provide.

paulo coehlo says, "don't let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve what you want." so i'm just gonna go with this thought:

i'm gonna do me and follow a weird little goofy path that fits me. if it gets too weird i'll meander off and try something else, but for now i need a little rest time. my heart is tired from the pulls of passion.

...shortly after finishing this post my agent called. mind you, i have not heard from her for a couple of long months. i have to get new headshots...the groan heard round the world.

i'm gonna do it. discussed it with the guy and we both knocked on wood. maybe all i needed to do was publicly announce my chillness so that the universe would have room to dump some awesomeness my way...

♀: like prince, but even cooler

the 21st century will manifest the feminine energy in all her glory ~ paulo coehlo

a writer friend, annie, tweeted this lovely quote from paulo recently and i fell in love. feminine energy...how LONG have i been preaching about that darn stuff? it's lovely...essence of girl, that is.

yeah there are some negative connotations associated with the word girl, but that's just whack men's attempt at getting back at all the pretty in pink girls who told them they wouldn't give up their undies at the school dance.

we're glorious and even though i LUV me some guy friends (shout out to fat and d!!!) if i don't have estrogen time my ovaries start to shrink...and testicles start growing...and it hurts.

i love the fact that women can talk about anything and everything...how do you feel today? what are you thinking about? was that girl pretty or not? (cuz you know if you ask a dude if another guy was handsome he'll freak the EFF out, pull out his teste sword of manliness and slay you in the face for insinuating he's checkin' out another dude...my nose still isn't right.)

we make life pretty and swell and for that reason i think it's perfectly wonderful that this century is all about our energy taking over area codes.

i'm sure mr coehlo would twitch if he knew i took his more than perfect quote and simplified it down to "pretty and swellness taking over area codes".

i never said kiwi break downs were intellectual translations of greatness, now did i?

outdoor cinema food fest

the gang got together for a little outside movie time. we watched the hangover and stuffed our poor bodies with gourmet grub from trucks. i had scrum-dilly-umptious sushi, banana pudding, and pickings from my guys' plates. over all, it was a perfectly dewy night...perfectly for snuggling and shooting food out of your nostrils.

"tigers like pepper. they don't like cinnamon"

the trucks were money son!

perfect weather down @ exposition park

there's something about fido

i don't know about this one sometimes...

that was some good puddin'!

tiny violins are playing somewhere

it's only the beginning of august but i already feel a bit stressed about finding someone to take over my current lease. i could be stuck in liminal roomie hell for months and months if someone doesn't scoop up my dear little apartment that i'm trying so hard to pimp out.

i pack my little bags every time i go to my guy's place and drop off new stuff...my place back up in the valley is starting to feel cold and empty. weird feeling that further frustrates the pooh out of me.

i hate moving. have i ever mentioned that before? i love the end state. i love when everything's unpacked and i have fresh newness to check out and appreciate BUT that doesn't happen until i've just about broken my back lugging furniture and obsessed beyond a reasonable amount over packing things strategically.

plus the whole knowing my rent will go down drastically (...some day) is making me drool and twitch simultaneously.

it's not a good look.

wonky side of the bed

so for some reason my sleeping pattern is off and because it's off i'm a frightful fairy of fury in the mornings...i sit up in bed, eyes closed, crazy hot mess hair, and i snarl. it's happened every morning this week. this theme needs to be pummeled in the balls.

shower, breakfast, vh1 soul...nothing can shake the morning funk from my bones.
i feel pity for my friends...

me: ooo i'm grouchy today! i just feel off.

b: make it a happy day.

me: i'll show you happy. i farted on happy for breakfast this morning.


motivation schmotivation

i'm feelin' mighty low...i'm feelin' mighty tired ize is.

this book thing is so bananas. it's bananas and then some. i just sent out another batch of agent inquiry letters. (that's 41 if you're counting.) lucky 41...come on 41. please 41 FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, 41!

i've decided that stack will be my last batch for a while. i think i'll give it a month (to get back responses) and then i'll focus more on self publishing. i didn't really want to go that way (because it would involve me actually learning about publishing. ick.) but what ev. as long as the baby (i.e. book) can be born i'll keep my trap shut and shuffle along...then if that sucks balls i'll switch back over to the dear pimp letters.

this stuff is seriously draining. it feels almost like you're running a marathon and you see the finish line in sight, you know what it looks like and what it's gonna feel like once you cross over, but it's still 13 miles away and you took off too fast...wasted valuable energy. i'm sputtering. that smell you smell isn't gas. it's the fumes of my heart reaching for a dang dream.

i need a drink. i need a drink like the ones i see in the movies. the kind in the fancy decanter that the gentleman grabs for when he needs a good stiff one. for some reason it seems like those drinks are magical and really do help you to frickin' calm the ish down, save the world, get 'er done.

the stuff i find just bloats me and when i'm bloated i can't really fathom conquering ish.


on friendship

d is THE most interesting phenomenon in the world. he makes lazy hilarious. i can't get the man to do anything remotely active with me whatsoever. one time i told him to put on his sunglasses since he was squinting. he made his typical don sound "ehhhhh"" and said, "it takes too much work lifting my car console to get them out."

WHAT?! yes, that be my friend. opposites attract i suppose. of course a hyperactive crackhead (me) would befriend such a type.

i imagine that d watched wall-e, left  the theater and exclaimed, "man i need one of those chairs that does everything for me."

i sense d and i have been soul mate friends for centuries and centuries...tortoise and the hare come to mind.

disclaimer: this post brought to you by ms brat tat tat tishy. d refused to try a workout dvd with me. see how i do my friends? dang shame...

come and knock on my door

i'm officially a big kid doing big kid things...for the first time (IN MY LIFE) i am sharing my space with another. yes, i had two kid sisters growing up. my mom, the dear sweet genius that she is, figured out early on that i was a heinous bee-otch when it came to people messin' with my ish--she said at two i screamed at my boy cousins and told them not to touch my toys because i didn't want to clean up after them.

thus a queen was allowed to diva grow.

i lived with a guy for one summer while i did an "internship" in college but i got to keep my ish at my place in my college town...he just had to share his stuff. i'm fine with others sharing with me.

now my dear sweet luv of a guy and i are making the big move to big kid-hood. we've decided it would be best if we move in and cut down those lovely la living expenses. this weekend i started the moving process. i packed up all my dvds and dishes i don't use and headed over the hill to the land of beach town to get my domestication on. my first official piece of sharing...this lovely paper towel holder. tear.

we now have his and her aprons for our master chef competitions

and a true entertainment system filled with yummy flicks such as the labrynth and new jack city...we keep it eclectic.

this is CRAZY. it's a little scary to do this kind of thing. it's like the first time i opened my very own checking account...i knew my kiddy days were numbered then...that same feeling is knockin' on my noggin now. best believe i'll hang on to my cereal and cartoon luv with a vengeance! the kidult in me won't go down without a fight!!!
i adore this thing resting on my ku blanket
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