guess who's coming for dinner

i don't know if i write about it a lot, but i'm mixed with black and white and sadly that's how i see the world. the gray areas hardly ever pop up...

background info: i will tell you what i am depending on what conclusion i've come up with concerning why you're asking the question. have i decided you want to know the scientific stats? ok i'm black and white.
do you want to know what i identify as? i'm black. do you want to know what i identify as but you're going to annoy me with your judgements on that fact? i'm a woman of color.

 "but you look white. why do you consider yourself to be a black woman?"

"well, my curious friend, while you're stretching for a semblance of white in me, most strangers are searching for my black. i'm treated as such by non-black folkaroos so i identify with the group that is treated the same. mmmkay, pumpkin?"

one drop rule never died!

i first realized this as a kid when my best friend's father was joking with his daughter. he said that it was ok if she dated a mexican fellow (because she was) but if she ever brought home a black man they'd lose it. all of this was said in front of me...because i was "safe"...not like the others...i heard that ish when i was 14. haunts me still...

i've predominantly dated black men my whole life. there were white boys sprinkled in the mix and one mexican chap and each time those fellows brought me home my friend's father's words would rise from the recesses of my brain.

now i'm dating a filipino guy and i meet the family next weekend. the friends here all say i have nothing to worry about...but i'm not so sure. i think befriending is totally something parents are cool with...dating someone black (because that's all they see honestly) is TOTALLY different.

i'm pretty scared to go meet them. yes, it's 2010...your point is? this is that tragic mulatta stuff that people warn about...we really don't fit neatly in any one else's world. i have this fear that i walk into the home and the parents hang their heads in shame..."we'll talk about this choice later son..."

i've been talking with gangster mom a lot about this issue. she's black and filipina and married to a white man so she's definitely had her share of weird glances and scary stories. it helps getting pep talks to be who you are, but hearing that i should possibly say "whatever" to the people i'm about to meet is a sad choice i hope to GOD i don't have to make.

the adventures of a girl in a big kid relationship continue on...