what the 20s have taught me so far

3.15.2010
while i may have assumed at one point in time that all life defining/life changing moments occurred at pivotal childhood times (first sandbox share, tooting in 4th grade magic circle, yadda yadda) i was just a naive booger.

my 20s--one slow-motion kind of decade--were the REAL defining moments. it was a time line sprinkled with crazy hard events that led to the woman i've become. (yes...i'm admitting only this ONE TIME that i am indeed GROWN. (if you bring up this post on a later date i will deny all words written and swear that a small green leprechaun wrote this while sipping on some of the green fairy's nectar if you catch my drift.) kidult for life yo!

back to the grown though. i woke up on my 29th birthday feeling great, but nostalgic. i knew i would have to write this post. knew for a while now that 29 would be the year i focused on harnessing all knowledge i've gained from mistakes and triumphs and make sure i truly "got it" before entering my 30s. confucious say the 20s suck balls and will make the 30s suck balls unless you wise up and get smarty.

so here's to getting smarty. i give thee a timeline of all events i can think of while sitting here watching some weird game show on abc (meaning i'm a bit distracted so i might miss a humiliating moment that i might have otherwise written) why do i do this? well it could be a bit narcissistic (what blog post isn't?) i figure you should see why i'm glad to still be here....with all of my non grey hairs, NOT living in a convent working on my vow of silence.

significant moments in no particular order:

i learned of a little thing called email and my best friend and i suddenly had a vehicle to keep our lovely huge friendship burning strong. we shared everything in our darn emails. writing kept us closer than ever before. our friendship cemented itself in an uncanny kind of way. the girl's been my bud since we were 14 but we didn't learn just what we truly had until our 20s.

i found out my fiance married another girl. when i heard the news, i was in the middle of my freshmen year spring break. i was wearing the ring he gave to me while down on one knee near a pond in my college town. as i played solitaire on my parents' computer my best friend told me the news. i spent the next 3 days laying on a couch, not showering, not eating...just crying. before him, i had never known love. after him, i thought i'd never want it again. that was my first substantial heart break that would forever change the way i dated. insecurities formed, trust faded...aren't heart breaks a bi-yotch?

i finished my first year of college--getting all a's. i found out from a lovely professor (who i still talk to today) that i could write and should keep at it. the math nerd i held on to in high school faded at this point...i became a writing fool. comments spouting my writing was too colloquial faded into my high school memories and kindly stayed put. i celebrated my academic endeavors with a fancy schmancy watch that i still wear to this day.

i met a guy who i eventually lived with. he taught me how to be a big kid in a big kid relationship. he suffered from a heart attack at 28 and i was by his side every day...he rewarded me 3 months later by cheating on me. his reasoning? i wasn't religious enough for him and the gal he was sending love letters to knew how to quote some of the good book. i developed a chip on my shoulder and became guarded when people wanted to talk to me about my faith and spirituality.

i entered into the william allen white school of journalism. i got a c in editing. :) (light bulbs in your grammatically correct minds just went off.) i decided my minor would be african american studies...it was this choice and a number of influential classes and professors that would morph my identity. no longer a white girl with a good tan--i learned what it meant to be a woman of color. to this day i feel blessed i was able to receive the gift of learning both sides of my family tree. i love being a true "mixed chick". when you come from different worlds, you open yourself up to all worlds. it kind of rocks.

i discovered langston hughes and e.e. cummings...

my kid sister moved in with me and my parents moved away from my high school home town. i learned what it meant to be a responsible care giver to a kid. i battled with being the uncool older sister. i realized i probably won't be the cool carefree parent i imagined i'd be as a-totally-grounded -for-a-week child. reality bites sometimes.

i moved to los angeles. that was probably THE pivotal moment in my identity. i learned to take my life in my own hands and cry like a dang baby. i also managed to make friends, find a niche, get a job, rock a couple of baby steps along my dream's path and reconnect with my boo (writing...ie i started my blog.)

i met b who is now my best bud in la. she was the one who let me sleep on her couch for a couple of months when i needed a roof stat, held my hand through surgeries, prayed for me and verbally whipped stupid boys intent on breaking my heart. i met her around the same time that this lovely new invention called "texting" became popular. because of my love for the digital "howdy" she had to get unlimited texts. i'm still a texting nut to this day.

i embarked on an adventure and landed in canada. i met AMAZING women (athletes, writers, mentors and fashionistas) and i shined. i learned i'm not a monolithic dreamer. profound moment thanks to http://www.fitbottomedgirls.com/.

yes, there were many MANY other instances that each chipped and molded me into the kiwi loving spirit that i am today...i learned in a j school class that folks don't like reading long arse posts on the internet (take that professor boo boo! i did learn something in your class.) so i listed the ones that stuck in my ribs and influenced the breaths i take.

i've made countless mistakes. i've loved and lost. i've loved and won. i've gone to the land of lexapro and learned that pms doesn't consist of wanting to take permanent naps. i've learned i'm a ball of insecurities and while all women have them, they can cloud a gal's inner light. i work every day to embrace that light.

this year is going to be so great. my birthday was indicative of that fact. my b and jersey got together and planned this beautiful picnic in santa monica. they invited friends that make my heart swell and we all laughed, sat in the grass and enjoyed the day. i swear i've ingested more sprinkle cupcakes than one girl should legally be able to do and taken ridiculous naps...guess it comes with getting older.

i'm changing and have changed. that's what i know for sure at the beginning of my 20s' end. it's time to take things slow. it's time to enjoy the people in this world that make my heart go pitter pat. it's time to grow up (only in the cool way though!) and make this life of mine something to be proud of.

take the light of the world and glow right on back...like a little lightening bug with diarrhea.

3 comments:

  1. Love it, love it, love it!!!! I don’t think I like professor boo boo either! lol I love following you via blog. Even though we don’t get the chance to talk often; at least, I can stay in touch through your blog. I'm glad you're 20's brought you so many adventures (some I remember reading about.) I hope your 30's will be just as fulfilling!

    Dropping some love through!!
    Angel
    Peace

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're blogs make me laugh and get a little misty eyed at the same time. Not sure why this particular one made me cry a little. Maybe because I'll be 27 in a few months and your blog made me think about alot of the same things I've been thinking about. Love, Love lost, my career. I know that acting is your true passion, but your words make me feel nice. Keep blogging my friend.

    -AYB

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  3. thank you ms angel and yoda buddy:)

    ReplyDelete

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