the universe whispers

3.29.2010
did you know that? 


they say the universe gives you the answers...first it whispers and if you ignore that, it'll get a bit louder and louder until finally it slaps you in the face. best to listen to the whispers...


universe whisper #1
friday night i sat on my couch looking thru my lovely picture book and feeling sorry for myself...feeling sorry that i'm not luggin around a mini me yet...that i don't own a home...that i don't do this and i don't have that, blah blah blah...

then an angel from the tv (a character from private practice) said something along the lines of "you don't like your life? well, stop whining about it and actually do something. when you're in the mud pull your legs up. if you can't walk, crawl, but keep moving damn it" and my ears heard the whisperings. those tears of mine ceased at that very moment. shamed by my very own boob tube.


so...i'm crawling. yeah, i feel sorry for myself for not having from time to time. then i remember that you have to appreciate what you have first before more comes...and sometimes God takes away to make room for something bigger and more awesome that needs lots of space. i'm starting, just now, to realize such things. my lesson pushed me to reopen my book this weekend and keep the process flowing. now it's ready to be bound for final edits in green (it's a langston hughes thing...) i want to do something that makes me proud, keeps me creative and allows me to take care of myself, both financially and spiritually.

i also made an appointment with this dreamy dude at the salon halle berry's stylist runs. daniel (the dream boat) will be giving me some much needed change to continue my progression. it's as simple as a haircut sometimes...i've looked the same since 8th grade. that ish needs to evolve! on april 22nd i hope to be a more polished tishy. did i mention my stylist guy is dreamy? cuz if i didn't, he is AND he ran his fingers thru my hair and made my eyes roll back. growl... 


i'm crawling universe...


universe whisper #2
my whole life i've thought if i accepted a compliment folks would think i was prideful or conceited so i'm now known for knocking down the sweet things whenever they're given. that nonsense stopped this weekend. i went to a restaurant with my lovely bud, rushell, and this man stopped me to say that he and his family thought i had beautiful hair. 


i beamed and said a heartfelt thank you. when people take the time to say something sweet and kind you accept it darn it. if you don't appreciate the sweet things, they'll stop coming. 

i'm taking notes universe...


universe whisper #3
i've been so scared lately...scared of being unhappy...scared of having a bad day. i've wished for consistent happiness like it really exists in this world. whenever i start to tear up or feel like hiding in a corner, i panic:  is this the onset of the blues? should i nip it now? will it devour me?


i've been reading zadie smith's book changing my mind for some time now. in her last essay, zadie discusses the american ethnocentric notion of happiness. i admit, i was an ignorant fool for assuming  it's unnatural to have bad days. she pokes fun at the woman who can't accept that depression comes and goes. she goes on to say that sadness is a symptom of something...other cultures get this. it's a sign we're given to point us in a general direction to heal something...embrace it effectively with purpose...and not just eradicate the stuff without wondering what brought it on. 

while i still believe in the powers of a good pill if you're suffering from a chemical imbalance, i respect her words and what she had to say. i'm going to give myself a break...ya hear that ms 29 years old?!  while you won't catch me splashing around in the pools of sadness like i've hit the jack pot, i won't fight the blues either when they come and go...i'll use them to listen to what my life needs and what truly makes my heart feel joy. 

i'm learning universe...

3 comments:

  1. My friends says: you know how you wake up and feel happy for no reason?
    Me nodding.
    Her: sometimes you wake up sad for no reason either. It's NORMAL.
    Those words have helped me so much. Good days & bad days are just days. Both fall under: Thiss too shall pass.
    Although I hope you feel better!

    ReplyDelete
  2. alex, that's beautiful actually...

    :) i'm feeling more alive than i ever have felt. i think that happens when you stop beating yourself up like you stole your own cupcake.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i try (keyword try) don't judge or attach myself to an emotion that is in transit.

    it be alright.

    listen to yourself.

    ReplyDelete

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