deep shadows

i'm reading changing my mind by zadie smith and listening to little ann's deep shadows when i get home today...

have you ever just felt like you're an emotional rollercoaster and you know you'll wake up and things will be on the up and up, but for now you feel like screaming "FML!!!" at the top of your lungs?

i haven't had a lot of time to myself lately...working long hours, going to the gym, coming home and going straight to bed--that's been my life. so tonight--the night before my surgery--i will prepare thy abode for upcoming gimp mode. i realize this weekend is valentines day weekend and everyone has sweet plans to love the ones they love. i will be working on my book. sounds swell right?

when life throws lemons at your head and private parts (ouch!) learn to either duck or catch those puppies and make some sour arse beverage. aren't i a pickle today?!

my current life is about uncertainty and floating...this morning on my way to work i witnessed a man standing on a ledge. he looked like he was contemplating a jump. i called 911 (i don't play with that type of stuff!) and spent the rest of my morning wondering if that man had reconsidered...or been saved by the cop i knew was on the way. i also wondered if the dude would hate me...or hate me because he was just checkin out traffic...or whatever.

the point is...God gave me this HUGE splash of perspective. yes...i'm in the worst most confusing state of liminal dating EVER. yes...the job makes me cry sometimes. health is annoying the ish out of me right now BUT i also have a great bud who's taking me to and from the eye surgeon's laboratory (mwahaha). she is also taking me to my new favorite pancake restaurant before they slit my eyeballs. i have good buds, lovely books to read and new music to vibe to this weekend.

no bridges for me!


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