threshold

10.30.2009
two weeks...since i was a kid, hives develop over the idea of "two weeks."

misty was my favorite childhood cousin. she was my best friend and i only got to see her once a year, usually in the summer for a couple of days but one summer when my mom was feeling extra cool she set up a two week block for me to go up to misty's house in a different state. i was so excited and when the time came and i was standing in front of my aunt you'd think i'd be bouncing off the walls. well, i was up until i asked how long i would get to stay and my aunt said two weeks and my heart plummeted into my punky brewster high tops. two weeks away from my mom sounded like a lifetime. before my mo could say "momma's girl" i was back in the car ready to go back home. (momma wasn't flattered. momma was pissed.)

the point is two weeks isn't my cup of tea.

lets now switch to yesterday morning. i told ya'll the doctor said i could get tests done in two weeks for my thyroid. the more i thought about the two weeks the more wiggidy wiggidy wack i became. by the time i rolled into work i was a ball of emotions. i tried to think of all the things that usually make me beam happiness like crispy cool mornings, pumpkin lattes, great morning music but nothing could distract me from the dreaded thought of two weeks. i cried a bit, zoinked a little more and then finally called back my beloved hoo hoo doctor and pleaded for him to take away his two week curse and give me something more lovely like a "now" and he did.

he told me i could do the testing that afternoon so at 4:00 sharp i skipped out of work and strolled on over to the lab. i was obviously nervous about possible shots because i mistook my undies for my shirt...took me minutes to realize i was pullin on the side of my thong and exciting some pervy old man with a cane walking in with me. (what can i say i moonlight as a geezer flasher.)

i got a tiny cool needle, cuz the lab tech was a dear, and then i was on my way. 10 minutes tops.

wilson phillips' "hold on" was playing when i got back into my car and i beamed a real beaming smile. i will hold on for one more day and it really will go my way. it just took a little bit of me accepting my two week phobias and loving myself enough to fight for some happy time to realize that.

some may ask why i write about this oh-so-personal stuff. i write because lots of people (me included) think the blues will go away and so we keep letting the boo boo times build and that's just not cool. i don't think we have to struggle for a dinky "i pushed thru it" badge alone. my new years resolution for 2009 was to find my joy. by gosh i've found the things that bring me that good ole joy...now i'm just fighting to keep that mess by any means necessary!

this is the only badge of courage i wanna sport right now

bra burner bitch slap

10.29.2009
while many women have shattered the proverbial glass ceilings caging them in, some of us still fall prey to society's rules and regulations for the hoo hoo gender. (that be girls folks...)

from a small age, women are taught their beauty is most important--their brains, second at best. we must love pink. dumb is cute. we do not enjoy science and math. we bat our eye lashes at the softer things in life like teddy bears and flowers. we cry. we are programmed for someone else to eat, live, breath and open the car doors for us...and most importantly, we dream about and idolize the day we marry our prince charming and live happily ever after.

i personally was a cute little tomboy nerdo that dug the color green. i was never down for the dumb bit. i dug science and math, went to leadership conferences...i loved to bust some ceiling, BUT, i like some gals, always had starry eyes for the big dub...(weddings folks!)

my girl b and i were joking on the phone about the guys in our lives. (her present
one, my pretend one.) we were laughing over male reactions to the engagement ring commercial. without fail every man in america will start to sweat once these dreaded commercials come on.

your girl isn't even looking at your punk behind and you're getting nervous. you're yelling, "WHAT?! WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME?!" and your girl looks at you like you just asked her to pull your finger.

our men freak the heck out because they know there's a little demon-dreaming wedding chick in us...and they'd be freaking out for good reason. their butts are twitching because of the photo to the right even...hee hee. it's considered cruel if i realize this, correct?

b and i laughed at the expense of these poor souls and then we had to laugh at ourselves because not even five seconds later, we were on a damn site i had found that currently houses my dream wedding dress. (yes, even me--miss anti-ceremony girl--has a "just in case" dress lined up.) it didn't stop there either!

we immediately moved on to the tiffanys web site where we oohed and ahhed over ridiculously over priced rocks. the funny thing is, we both agreed we'd be totally cool with bands. we sucked our teeth at a local news story involving a gal who secretly got her stupid ring appraised behind her fiance's back and then we admired tiffany's legacy ring starting at a stupidly insane amount of money.

apparently you can take the pink out of the little girl, but you just can't take the girl out of her white poofy dress.

i was hesitant to write this post. i try to closet the inner girlie girl as much as possible but i think there's a point in any gal's life where they have to take the stigma forced upon them and flip the script...(secretly i just took the red pill instead of the blue pill, kicked the rabbit and said bite me. just keepin it real...)

yeah, yeah, yeah...i get that there are tons and tons of chicks who never once dreamed of their wedding day. i said "SOME" on purpose ya'll...i don't wanna hear any rants and raves along the lines of "you've generalized me. go burn your bra in punishment!" stuff.

i'll invoke my inner virginia woolf and send you to a room of your own. word to your mother...sisters...aunties...wives...(just sayin.)



the follow up

10.28.2009
so last week i wrote a post concerning my battle with hormonees. (yes i'm deliberately spelling it that way for all those currently grammar twitching.)

yesterday i went to my hoo hoo doctor (his name is chow. how naughty) and told him what was up. when i mean i told him, i mean i TOLD him everything i had gone through. he listened and decided that it may not be my hormonees that are causing the craptastic days, but instead my thyroid.

(any mention of thyroids and i automatically picture someone with bulging eye balls and crazy mood swings...in other words, it scared me.)

having a possible explanation makes me feel a bit better though. i'm getting mad sleep and still waking up exhausted every day. it's starting to affect my runs and training so it's time to nip it. tests will be done 2 weeks from now and hopefully after all that my crack head goofiness returns and i'm back to shooting people in the arse with sunshine and energy. awww....how i miss the energy.



ride 'em cowgirl!

you oughta know


What happens to the anger that comes when he goes

Does it flicker with flames does it melt like the snow?

Does it float thru the air... Attacking new soul

A contagious disease taking its toll





nope not raging today. i was just listening to alanis morissette and wondering what happened to the totally awesome creative rage she had when she unleashed jagged little pill to the world.

pondering...



yes please!

10.27.2009
this reminded my dear cousin deedra of me so she texted it along.
word to your mother.


shelf life

10.26.2009
i will be the first to admit that you either hate me as a roommate or luv me to death. the reason for this black/white, luv/hate relationship rests solely on the fact that i am anal retentive WEIRD clean girl.

i wouldn't say i'm the ocd "germs! germs! out, out damn spot!" kinda chick. more so, i clean because it's cathartic and it clears my head. this morning i was watching something that had me thinking of clutter and i went on one of my binges. poor roomie of mine, i went into the fridge, not caring what belonged to her or me and just started pitching everything and anything with an expired expiration date. it felt good...real good and as i carried a much-too-heavy garbage bag out i thought about the notion of expiration dates.

there's a reason for attaching expiration dates to things. it's kind of genius actually. i think everything should have a shelf life. while special friendships should pack enough preservatives to keep things good for years and years, i think bad guys should have a shelf life of ditch-after-first-tear-falls.

funky mental funks (after 1 day)
couch potato time (3 hours)
zits the size of pluto (1 day)
my current curly hair do (13 years expired)
brows that need a good wax (you can get away with that for a couple days sisters then i'll chase you with tweezers)
crushes...the yellow soft cardigan i've rocked since my freshmen year of college...i could go on and on.

i'm just saying...i've turned a new leaf all because of a little cleaning project. the next time i'm out and about i'll make sure to take a look at the stressors and good times. set up some expiration dates when necessary and appreciate the good things that really should never end really.

it's the new version of cleaning house and i'm a sucker for it.

dat girl ain't right!

10.23.2009
"Now, you are family. Okay. All my life, I had a lump at the back of my neck, right here. Always, a lump. Then I started menopause and the lump got bigger from the "hormonees." It started to grow. So I go to the doctor, and he did the bio... the b... the... the bios... the... b... the "bobopsy." Inside the lump he found teeth and a spinal cord. Yes. Inside the lump was my twin."--Aunt Voula, My Big Fat Greek Wedding

yeah,not so much rockin a twin in my neck but i've definitely been battling some hormonees. i share this because maybe writing can be fun AND therapeutic for me. i've never tried so lets give it a whirl.

lately i've been sally sadness. this same sadness knocked me down last year and forced me to go to my doc. he told me to start eating differently, advised me to exercise and changed up my bc pill (yeah i said it) because apparently i have some fun pmdd joyness and for a year it worked...then this week i've been a tired little scary shit. i mean, yeah life is for the most part uneventful and not all that much matching up to the life i thought i should have at 28, but who accurately predicts that ish at 4?! i'm smart enough to realize that sometimes life throws curve balls and we end up scratching our watches and winding our butts. i usually can totally deal with dating mishaps, stupid auditions, boring work days and hard runs...come on. that ish shouldn't result in me laying in bed crying my eyes out.


this is how i've explained it to friends: there's a calm wise "me" inside that knows the sadness isn't me, but i can't do anything about it. this crazy mean sad beast just shoves "me" into a corner of my brain and decides to be queen b. i've named the sad mean beast billy bob sue. she's mean. if she were real and 10 years old she would have jacked my lunch money and given me daily swirlies.

so while i'm in my better state of mind, i'm going to call my doc and get this ish in check. some times it sucks being a girl. that's all i have to say about that.

pen is mightier than the smile

10.22.2009
i'm officially not a fan of modeling anymore.


ever since i started writing my book (which goes into detail about the crummy auditions and bull crap i've had to endure over the last four years) i've looked at my supposed modeling endeavors with disdain.


it was never my bag. i've never dug fashion. i've never dug the constant "hurry and get your arse down to the audition, miss work, make up the work you missed, try to look like you haven't worked all day in a stupid office, smile, be fake, act perky and get rejected STILL".


sigh...


my agent called me last night and my top lip curled and my butt twitched. the woman was sent to earth to punish me i think. why would you ever send a nerd like me to an audition for a woman with this breakdown?!:



She has beautiful, real features. Great, toned body (looks great in bikini) She stops you on the street because her beauty precedes her...but she is not a super hot model, rather a natural beauty. She is artsy, fun and approachable. She hangs with directors, playwrights, and set designers.



i wanted to slap the stupid out of my agent at that moment.


why can't my writing just lead the way? why must i worry about my hair being too long (it was short in my last group of head shots), my body being less than bikini perfect, my smile being too jacked? why can't they just figure out that i can hold a pen in my hand and actually do something decent? way less pressure if you ask me...

today at 4:00 i will go into a room with a bunch of gorgeous girls and transform into a chump and i'm really depressed about this.

pink eye still reins supreme which means i have to stick in some new contacts and re-infect my dang eyes (expensive audition if you ask me!) and then i'll leave and have to deal with that whole waiting to hear back from the casting office. although this time i know i don't have a chance in hell of being the "hero beauty" chick so i won't hold my breath.

i sent the agent a friendly email by the way asking if she could refrain from sending me out for these impossible labels. if nerd, normal girl, or average joe isn't in the breakdown don't go there lady!

early christmas gift

i had a hard, no BRUTAL, workout yesterday.

i have been oh-so-sore from the 5 day workouts and running six miles when you're already sore is never pretty.

by the time i got home my body was a stiff, dead, barely moving broke down machine. i robot-walked my way into my apartment complex and prepared for total collapse. that is until i noticed the bulge under my welcome mat. (and it wasn't just happy to see me.)

oh happy day! a gift for me?! what could it be?!

i forgot all soreness and pushed my way inside, ripped open the package (like ralphie from a christmas story) and what to my wondering eyes did appear but joy in book form...IT CAME!!! IT CAME!!! (grinch reference if you're not savvy with your christmas flicks...)

THE book. THE pictures that i seriously gawk over and luv luv LUV from the blog i worship worship WORSHIP. sigh...i will spend the weekend hugging this lovely thang to death...and of course cracking it open.




best christmas present EVER!

(christmas gift made possible by Santa)

poetry discourse

10.21.2009
j: then there you go. i like the hip-hop line though. that was new. :)

t: it twas. poems poop out of me in a weird way...sometimes there are stragglers.

j: written from the soul : )

t: yes...that's much more eloquently put ; )

j: i do what i can.

carrie acceptance

if i can deny something i will.

i am a firm believer that denial is indeed a river in egypt and i float on it in my imagination daily.

for YEARS i have denied that i am "a carrie". if you're not hip to sex and the city's characters then you're probably gonna scratch your head in bewilderment. (or roll your eyes at me and secretly dream of kicking me in the arse.) i will try my hardest to refrain from alienation.

so this chick with curly hair (see... you can see the similarities without having watched the show) has weird and crazy dating stories and a slew of dudes she dates that happen to mimic guys i've dated in the past. it's almost uncanny. i've got a big. i've got a pork-pie hat dude. i write this charming little blog (it's charming damn it!) i even have a red-headed best bud.

for years buds would tell me i was pulling a carrie...that i was SO carrie...and my bottom rump would twitch the theme song to the show. after awhile the twitching became painful and i decided to give this carrie comparison a looksie. so there are some similarities...i mean every single gal that's dated probably has felt like a carrie at one time or another. while i'm still not sure i'm a total carrie (i have no fashion sense whatsoever) i can no longer deny my my fan luv levels any more.

my gal pal, lex, called to tell me she had played host to sarah jessica parker's kid at his birthday party. (of course sjp would throw a party at a bookstore! wuv...sweet wuv) the minute sjp's name slipped from lex's lips i let out a blood curdling (almost teeny bopper-jonas brothers-worthy) scream that left those in the cars to my right and left wondering if their hearing would ever find them again.

at that moment it became oh so clear that i was a fan and i could float down denial's rippling waves no longer.

i luv her and her character like a sailor loves to cuss. i admit it. curlie hair chicks with bad dating records should luv one another. we're a random weird breed. after my random outburst of fan-ness i can no longer deny my inner semi-stalker admiration...

hi. my name is tish and i luv carrie. hi tish...

e:60

something has happened to my inner couch potato. as a child i could recite the tv guide schedule for the night. i could hip my parents to what was on, when it was on, and if it was a repeat. it was a gift and i was obsessed with the boob tube.

then, unexpectedly, i developed a rare case of tv a.d.d. and my world tragically changed. i was never the tv snot that bragged that i didn't need nor want cable. i actually dig tv and movies.

(um, i kinda wanted to be an actress because of my incessant tv/movie watching.)

so yeah, i'm a bit disheartened that i start to twitch after 10 minutes of sitting down in front of the tele.

my favorite shows are sitting in my dvr queue piling up, wondering why i don't love them anymore and i don't know what to do. i have tv guilt if i delete, but i just can't sit me arse down. sigh...the internal battle rages ever on. sorry actor's studio. sorry project runway. it's not you. it's me.

the tv won the battle last night though.

my dear cousin started reading my blogs recently. (this would be my cousin who in past years was more of a big brother type of guy. i followed him around and hung on his every word like any kid looking up to their hero would.) he caught on that i'm big on sports, big on talking tv, big on talking movies so he recommend i peep out a show on espn called e:60. my inner groupie came rushing back and i hopped right on recording that puppy. recording is the easy part though...

i sat in front of the tv last night--pacing back and forth, wondering if i could hit the play button. an hour long show?...gulp. i did it though. the fact that cuz took the time to recommend a show (sans girl soap opera crap) was enough to quiet my inner a.d.d. spaz.

i'm glad crackhead tish took a chill pill because the show was pretty frickin awesome. this particular episode featured a volleyball player who lost her eligibility to play ncaa sports, carmelo anthony (someone i've had beef with ever since his stupid syracuse team beat my precious alma mater in a final four boo boo), a baseball player with a rare case of locked-in syndrome, and a small three minute feature on a race they do in maine called wife carrying. i was glued to the tube ya'll. i cried. i laughed and i learned something new about "caramello" that didn't leave me butt twitching in a corner, re-living the moment he knocked wayne simien to the ground and didn't offer a hand back up. (can we say still bitter?)

i wouldn't necessarily say i'm cured of my a.d.d. weirdness. i tried to watch an episode of rachel zoe, made it 30 seconds before i wigged the heck out and shut the darn thing off. just one show at a time i guess...

a special thanks needs to go out to my cuz though. at least now there's hope for this one-time tv junkie...trying to find her way back home.


cuz is on the far right obviously not caring that the other guys are sweatin' me
over the years he's come around though


circa tishy's chubby face years apparently: me & the cuz

dating endorphins

10.20.2009
i had an interesting talk with a single dude yesterday. he had my brain swirling with metaphors on dating and of course how sucktastic the whole thing really truly is. (for every good dating pro you've got, i've got 5 cons waiting in line to blow your positivity out of the water!)


so he shoots me this message about how he likes to date chicks who are smartoes. he calls them heavy weights...apparently when you stick to heavy weights during a work out you become stronger. when you choose the light weights you suck big time.


i had weights and cardio class shortly after this conversation. needless to say i stuck with heavy weights for most of the hour. mr instructor (aka jersey) commented on my awesome hang time. (i was working it OUT in that studio yo!)

i totally blame dating hatred. helps one jump rope like a pro...

hell on earth

so recently i went to target to pick up some frames for my lovely art project (see last post.)

as i sat in the line waiting to pay i noticed this man kept gawking back at me. finally he says hello and starts talking my ear up about target is evil for taunting folks to keep buying (so true). i laughed with him for a bit and politely accepted his number when he slipped it over. (note: the guy was older and so not my type but i didn't want to be mean.)

right as i'm wipping out my card to pay, his WIFE came over and stood in line with him. he turned towards her and pretended like he didn't just pull a shady. the woman behind the check out booth put her hand out, i slammed the number in her hand, she smiled at me (pity in her eyes) and then i walked out.

i went home and debated re-opening my match.com profile. this is the story of the single gal. i hate dating. i really do.


so yeah, while i debated this masochistic lunacy known as getting back in the saddle, i decided i'd at least set up my page. i uploaded pictures and the heifers from this site wrote back saying i couldn't use half of them because it wasn't me in the pictures. uh...every damn picture where my hair is down and i actually put on some makeup was rejected . what are they trying to say?!

yet another reason i hate dating. just when you think it can't get any worse the internet finds a way to diss you.

to match or not to match...sigh groan ugh

flare magazine

10.19.2009
it's no secret i'm a new luver of all things canadian. while i was in vancouver i caught wind of a fashion magazine called flare and i went nutso for a special anniversary edition that features all these awesome canadian women doing the darn thing.

one lady, jillian tamaki, is my new girl crush of choice. the canadian-born illustrator's work can be found in the new york times & the new yorker. (you know i'm partial to the times) but that's not why i love her. i dig the woman because of these two illistrations i found in the mag:


i don't know if you can peep the spread or not but jillian's portrait is on the left and it says, "the one with the favorite type of pen and the eye for detail." the right side is her cousin mamiko. her page says, "the word nerd with an ear for chatter." AND the cousin happens to be rocking green nail polish. yes, i'm an easy green floozie like that. anyone that throws green into the mix gets my heart.

(seriously...i didn't give my ex fiance the time of day until he showed me something with the word kiwi on it. luv ensued.)

these two pages have been delicately ripped out from the magazine and will soon find a spot on a wall in my room. if you dig the art, the two chicks have a graphic novel called skim. lets all girl crush on tamaki art!

i love my bootleg art finds...makes my heart go pitter pat and boy do i live for the pitter pat.

matted, framed and hung

new york, i love you

if i may be honest and frank, books and movies have been boring as heck lately. yeah, yeah there's been some moderately entertaining ones but nothing great that's left me feeling changed and brand new, madonna "like a virgin" style. that is until i saw new york, i love you.

first of all i hadn't even heard of this joint but jersey, being an east coast lover for life, was hipped to the game. (anytime a dude that's a man's man approaches you with an offer to go see an indie luv flick you gotta jump.)

i went to my favorite place in the world, the arclight theater, and took my #13 seat. i fell in love after the first 5 minutes. without giving away anything the movie's basically a mesh of a bunch of luv short stories...and when i mean luv i mean EVERY kind of luv story--the good, the bad and the naughty.

the movie was so moving and interesting. it was intelligent, sexy, thought-provoking and different. i left the theater thinking i should move my little arse east. the city of new york was a luv beast in every story. for some reason i just don't think those stories could happen or work any where else in the world...uniqueness is beautiful.

i'm a single gal that doesn't necessarily dig being single. (understatement!) i avoid couple functions and situations that spawn tishy thoughts of loneliness. i share this disclaimer because it proves just how goooood the movie is. i was entranced. i was seriously glued to the stories. not once was my mind permitted to shift to my own pity party.

if your brain is craving a smart one then this is the movie to see. it gives your noggin all kinds of juicy fanciful stories to play around with, not to mention it employed every known actor in the universe. my girl crush, natalie portman, is in it and boy is her story a complicated goody.

see the flick. then call me up. this single gal loves to talk about LUV!


this is why i love the arc. they always feature awesome artists. if i won the lottery this piece would hang in my spot. it had texture and tiny cubes that protruded from the canvas. it stopped me in my tracks.


jersey found his aesthetic pull

BEE-licious o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d

10.18.2009
i'm just bee-tastic apparently because i unconsciously chose a book and a movie about spelling bees. the signs all point to word luv i guess.

the book, _bee season_, wasn't word wonderful unfortunately. it took me three months to finish
that ish and once i reached the end i was left scratching my head wondering what the heck kind of devil's lettuce the author was smoking. i'm so sad that books aren't doing what i need for them to do lately. i need an author who's laced the pages of their book with literary crack so that i can't put the durn thing down. that's what i want!

spellbound was a horse of a different color though. it was hilarious and totally entertaining. because i am a nerd i can say this: those kids were nerd-licious. they were nerdier than nerdy in the most interesting kind of way. i had fun playing with my inner geek and watching these kids pull words out of their mouths like a hockey player spits teeth.

fyi...i won my 5th grade spelling bee. then when i went to the city bee i got out on admirer. sigh...i hate that word now. absolutely hate it. maybe that's why i don't have one :)

origin of movie referral?

that recommendation came from this nerdy cool comedian i went on a couple of dates with months ago that i probably never blogged about because he was neither terrible nor stick-with-worthy.

ah... the upsides to bad dating. gotta l-o-v-e it.



good hair, awesome crepes

10.16.2009
i hate even typing that dang phrase but it's the title of the flick that b and i went to see last night so there you have it. (say this like the father from my big fat greek wedding)

what did i think of the movie? well it did a good job of being a documentary lol. i watched some black women on oprah bashing him for exposing their secrets, but i honestly felt like this was a film meant for black women to see and assess...and for that reason alone, i was not offended for those women bashers.
it was funny and informative at times but i felt like this beast needs more than 90 something minutes to cover. there is SOOO much to say about the topic of hair but good effort made by chris rock and his peeps.


b and i sat for about 5 minutes after the movie was over discussing the message of the film and what it meant for women and shockingly, what it meant for me even. i don't even wanna get into it with women that are surprised i was interested in seeing this film. don't wanna even go there!!! lol

we had a good time and we saw something entertaining. i'd say it was a darn good date night. we used our brains and we laughed our butts off.
after the flick we went to this cute little crepe place in burbank called crepe makers. i had this awesome banana strawberry dulce de leche crepe that had my eyes rolling back into my head. i got this lemonade/mint drink too. it was green. it tasted yummy. i was in heaven.

date nights are the best thing women ever invented : )



classic food shot: crepes as big as yo face!



b takes a bite out of crime


very frenchy




art


the best drink EVER!


my boo enables laziness

oscar junior and i have a very weird relationship. while i love him to death i get sick of his antics from time to time.

(in case you're wondering who the freak this boo is...the boo is my ipod.)

ole boy has a tendency to enable my laziness which isn't cool. that's not real luv man. i demand to be pushed out of my comfort zone. he allows me to spend WAY too much time on new and exciting playlists that i get tired of oh-so-easily. i should be shuffling. i should be listening to the 12,679 OTHER songs that currently are twiddling their thumbs waiting to be heard.

last night i roamed and came across some tunes i haven't listened to since my first year in california. ray lamontagne came up...some citizen cope came up...sigh mi amore...how i love thee.

while you think this would have motivated me to keep on participating in the random shuffle dance i'm now on a ray/citizen kick and just play the tunes over and over again.

shelter and drummers kick all day 'err day! i never learn...

a bib break down

so i don't know how a fashion misfit and a fashionista diva from the land of fashion perfection become best buds but it happened. to this day, i still scratch my head and wonder how the heck we've sustained our friendship after conversations like this:


b: oh wait, don't sit down you're sitting on something.


(i move my buttocks so she can pull object from my rump)


t: what the heck is that?! jay's halloween costume?


b: no foolio, it's a bib.


t: a wha?!


b: a bib!!! it's a necklace.


t: who wears a bib, b?!

b: they're the new trend. they're fabulous!


i told her i was going to post this conversation and the following conversation ensued:


Tish [3:52 PM]:
ahhh i'm so writing about you tomorrow by the way

B [3:52 PM]:
lol..about whaaa lol

Merritt, Tish [3:52 PM]:
our "bib" conversation

B [3:52 PM]:
oh lol

B [3:52 PM]:
and by the way at least 5 women at the big mall complimented the bib
B [3:53 PM]:
so hmph, its pretty cute, my baby bib lol
B [3:53 PM]:
its not how i envisioned it, but it will do..I wanted to make one lol

Merritt, Tish [3:54 PM]:
you are a spaz!


we're SO the odd couple. who else is wearing bibs?! who decided grown women should wear them?! these are questions i must get to the bottom of. the great & infinite fashion divide between b and i depends on this.



fbg canada chic

10.15.2009
i feel like i'm cheating on blog posts, but really a post is a post.

check out part deux of my lovely, amazing, totally wicked time in canada for the nike women's training summit. magic fbg link word for the day: canuck




sportin' my tuque...canada chic


empathy returns

10.14.2009
as a kid i was the queen of empathy. i could be on a bus with my mom, see a person get on, walk to the back and then sulk into a seat (obviously upset about something in their world) and just watch them... i remember observing without fear of being caught. i couldn't take my eyes off those expressing emotion so openly. situations like this caused me to tear up frequently. my heart was this open box that would try its hardest to consume other people's sadness. for some reason i just felt like i needed to understand what people felt--that they shouldn't experience those feelings alone.

somewhere over the years i lost that ability. i stopped looking at people alone on buses...started feeling more scared to look folks in their eyes...i don't know how it happened, but it did.

most people would shrug their shoulders and say big deal, but i'm an aspiring actress. you have to be able to connect. you have to understand and feel what your character feels in order to be believable. basically you have to be real...and real means believing that we're all bits and pieces of something that needs to be put back together. that's my definition of empathy anyways.

there is a point to this story. last night i watched oprah's interview with mike tyson. a bunch of eyebrows probably went up just now. the man is synomous with monster, fear and ear-biting...i know this. because i know this, i almost turned off the show but then i saw his eyes and i swear something in me broke. i was captivated by how vulnerable and emotional the guy was and in that moment i empathized with mike tyson.

i can't, nor would i want to, control who i empathize with. at the end of that interview oprah mentioned that in learning someone's story we learn about ourselves. if you happen to record oprah awesome. watch it and let me know what you thought. if the dvr isn't your world quite yet, i recommend watching the documentary tyson. i think there's something to be said for what that man discussed in the interview and who he's become. some may think i've fallen off my rocker but empathy is empathy dawlings...

Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution--kahlil gibran


and so it begins

every once in a green moon my best bud j lets me write for her darling site (aka her baby). she and the other co-founder erin bo derin were the ones that asked me to go to the nike summit. they are the reasons i now want to be a maple syrup-eating, tuque-wearing, "eh?" speaker.

today they posted part I of my nike summit adventures. check it out HERE.

is it seriously possible to be THIS excited to see something you've written? i dunno.

don't mind the grin, which now can't fit thru my front door...

brain leaks

10.13.2009
moisture

that cold i had left me looking like a leper in the desert so i decided to go to my favorite place in the whole world (origins) for some liquid love.

there's this awesome moisturizer called make a difference that makes your face feel like butta. i went up to the mall thinking i was only purchasing this ish but i was tired and week and mahza, the origins sales woman from hell, was in my face like whoa so i bought this white tea serum too that goes under the skin before the moisturizer. hmph. if my face doesn't feel like a baby's arse by the end of the week mahza's gonna have some splainin' to do! i swear they know how to really prey on the weak and dry.

video whisperer

so i wasn't really feeling like watching my current netflix pick (spellbound) so i skipped on down the street to my local friendly blockbuster to grab something stupid funny. i picked up year one because it features not one, but two of my future baby daddies. i got up to the checkout counter and the chick working shouted out "lame!" and then proceeded to go on about how dull and stupid the movie is and how i shouldn't get it. actually she pretty much demanded that i not get it. so i got zack and miri make a porno.


the whisperer said nothing. i watched it. it was giggle worthy but not a knee slapper by any means.

aprons rock

last night i made spaghetti with turkey meatballs, green beans and garlic bread yumminess. it's fun to cook every once in awhile but the ish is magical when done in an apron. i felt like the chick from like water for chocolate. one green bean and you'll fall in love with the first person you see. either that or turn green with envy over my mad cooking skills. (...and the bad jokes just keep on coming.)

the downfall of sun

10.12.2009
it finally happened.

i woke up one fine morning and it was cold outside. i watched football and smelled fall in the breeze. i think that's my favorite moment of the year. when i can smell the leaves and i can smell football seasons and i can smell brisk.

la is infamous for its lack of seasonal changes. i felt blessed that i got to have my day of fall.



i'm diggin long sleeved shirts and pumpkin latte spiced drinks taking over iced coffee mornings.

ahhhh thank you mama nature. THANK YOU!

for all you twitterpatted on a monday...i give thee a list of songs that have me hugging myself:

(warning: they're beautiful but some a bit sad...i kinda dig emotional bits)

whimsy playlist from ipod:


  1. tsunami by res
  2. all is love by karen o and the kids
  3. how deep is your love by the bird and the bee
  4. polite dance song by the bird and the bee
  5. light your touch by zeep
  6. dream by priscilla ahn
  7. i'm a broken heart by the bird and the bee
  8. by your side by cocorosie


strength in numbers

10.11.2009
i think this might have been one of the best weeks of 2009.

i am digging how i felt traveling for a job i respect and admire. i am digging seeing
new places and faces. i am digging my new found awareness that my life can be more--that i can do more, be more and most importantly appreciate more.

canada rocked my world and luckily i had an awesome weekend planned so that my happiness wouldn't drop into a black hole of crap. (just sayin...)


last night buds and i visited a lovely little place called knotts scary farm in buena park, cali. i've gone twice before, but this was the biggest group i have ever rolled with. it was also the most fun group of folks.

the crew consisted of me--hyped up on some weird energy drink i found, b--her dancing/wiggling little self, her guy, my quiet shy boy d, and five others. we stormed the park yo! the beginning was interesting. jared, one of the dudes in the group,
and i got separated from the gang and i about lost it. ole boy had no clue how to deal with my jumpy crazy behind. i kept grabbing for him and accidentally pulling on monsters' arms which would send me running and screaming. by the time we found the gang i looked like i could use a shot and a double dose of prozac. all that changed once i had people surrounding (aka protecting) me though.

we went thru countless mazes and laughed our arses off. i caught myself grabbing onto everyone in the group's whole person at least once in each maze. i'd grab, put my head down and let whoever lead the way, protecting me from monsters, aliens, dolls and other freaky scary ish that had some of the guys in our group jumping at times. (they'll never admit it though.)

all of us girls screamed so loud in one part we made the guy who scared us bust a gut laughing. i tried to be gangsta. i failed miserably.

i loved the whole night. even though we walked for hours and i frazzled myself dumb trying to keep the group together i had the best time enjoying life with fun and (for the most part) brave people. there's strength in numbers. there's also triple the laughs, triple the good times and triple the happiness. this extrovert is happy for the friends she's accumulated over the years.


10 mile melee

10.09.2009
life has really tested my marathon training as of late. every excuse not to run has come up.

today i expected to come back and transition into work peacefully...it being friday and all but nooooo. my days like to test me and laugh as i punk out in front of my computer. i found out a big project of mine went buck buck bad and because this project went buck buck bad the team i work with decided i should be the one to stay late and also come in saturday to work from 7:30 am until whenever i can get this crap corrected. my heart morphed into a giant tear drop.

not only is working saturdays getting old quick, it's also craptastically altering my running schedule. if i don't pump those runs out saturday morning i'm basically screwed so i sucked it up. decided i would finish my long friday work day out and head over to the gym to run my 10.

the first 4 miles were terrible. i kept thinking about the two current stresses in my life and i wanted to cry so bad. the feeling was right there in my chest, moving to my throat but i was so off on my breathing that i couldn't muster the tears. (this was the first time inconsistent breathing was a good thing. who wants to be the cry baby weirdo at the gym?!)

the last 6 miles for some reason were spent appreciating the run's power over my pity party. i started thinking of solutions to my problems. then i started listing all the current things i'm grateful for and things started looking up. i ran those 6 slow but steady. my body started aching terribly...my muscles started stiffening, the knees throbbing, but i knew walking would hurt more than running so i kept going.

you know you've entered a funky fitness state when it hurts more to walk than run!

i worked out some serious crap on that treadmill. i left some major sad chaos on that machine and walked away (painfully) with a lighter heart. fitness really is the cure for the common crushed spirit.

i'm a small indian woman

so when i boarded the plane to go to canada a small indian woman was sitting in my beloved window seat. i tried to politely tell her she was in my seat but she shook her head no and said she didn't speak english so i grabbed a flight attendant and they found the seat she should have sat in and plopped me there instead.

i texted j and told her if i were to get amnesia and they called her to say, "your friend in whatever whatever seat, named taj, has amnesia" don't hang up. it was simply me.

i love flying...


full circle moment: when i returned and was paying my fee at the flyaway for storing my beloved car the guy at the ticket window asked me if i was indian. said i looked like his people back home. somehow the world finds new and clever ways of making me chuckle randomly.




edumacated

10.08.2009
home sweet home.

before i slam into my pillow and call it a night i figured i'd give another update on life in canada. i was so sad this morning packing everything up. saying good bye has never been one of my strengths so you can imagine the drama queen moment i had when the hotel called at 6 am to wake me up.

i made the most of the time i had though. after working out this morning with the nike olympic athletic trainers (aka fitness devils) i had some free time to hang with new friends. we set out on foot to walk around gas town--this enchanting area of vancouver.

gas town is great. the roads are cobblestone. the shops are unique and different and the people are friendly as heck. (all canadians are nice i've decided. they pump happiness into the air there.)

it was a blast hanging out with my two newbies. samia and felicia are beyond description. if i had to try, i'd say they're more than intelligent--they're fascinating. they're edgy, very east coast, very awesome, very original and hella hilarious. i cracked up the entire time because here we are, a fitness blog chick, a sneakfiend chick and a fashionista (FOR REAL fashion guru) walking our way through a new city while laughing our heads off.

have you ever gone into a really high-end fashion boutique in jeans and a t shirt and gotten "the look" that is supposed to let you know you don't belong? well i was getting that left and right today but ms samia would walk into these places, drop her name and business card and have shop peeps drooling for more. i had to sit back and admire really. the chick mentioned french vogue and i knew then they were in a WHOLE NUTHA LEVEL than ms tishy. then ms. felicia--the sneaker aficionado--gave me some shoe scoops and promised to school my behind on the finer art of sneakers. it was "bring a deprived fashion soul to work" day i swear.

these chicks love fashion, clothes and shoes. it was addicting as heck to observe. they look at fashion as art...it's their passion. it's a far cry from the girls we hear about on tv that view fashion as a stepping stone into high society. i was diggin being in their presence.

as for me, i found some things for the luvs of my life as well as a jade bangle. ya'll don't know how long and how hard i've looked for a dang jade bangle that was under $250. i had a green-loving teary moment.

we walked into the hotel just in time for my driver to scoop me up for the airport. i said quick good byes to the gals and the nike people and loaded up. the whole trip back was one big sad dream. it went by so quick. just this morning i was sitting in THE most amazing hotel with THE most amazing people eating great food and sweating it out with the best of 'em. (my partner for some of the work out happened to be an editor from elle magazine.) this partnership led to us become short-time buddies at the airport until we boarded. it's amazing who you meet and what you'll learn from them in the process. she gave me some great new york work out suggestions...

i got schooled today by terrific ladies. if that could happen every day i think i'd be the happiest tish in the world.

p.s. i've been talking with j a lot about possible story ideas based off of this trip. be on the lookout for a couple of stories from my canadian nike adventures on fitbottomedgirls.

until then, i'll just be drooling over the adventure i just had...letting it all sink in.

web pitter pats

10.07.2009
it's no secret i'm a bit looney tunes for interesting web sites. i've met some phenomenal women this week with some great stuff you should check out.

www.splendora.com
smart loveliness

www.fit-ink.com
fitness friends


nitrolicious.com

awesome fashionista--the gal can rock some shoes!

www.femalesneakerfiend.com
awesome site for those with a proper luv for sneakers

what makes your heart beat

today was the epitome of cool... actually i want to hyperbole the mess out of the "cool". i wanna blow it up to infinity and beyond. (yeah, it's like that.)

so basically we spent the day at training facilities meeting and interviewing the women athletes. (be on the lookout for the posts of my journalism endeavors on www.fitbottomedgirls.com.) it was so crazy to be in the same room with nike executives, creative directors and these olympian goddesses. i swear i was waiting for them to figure out i was a normal mortal and escort me out of the flippin room.

i ate yummy food all day. i had amazing conversations with other journalists about everything from girl power, great advertising campaigns of nike yesteryear and life in general. i buddied up with a gal that a fit bottomed girl befriended last year and we tag teamed the interview process. (took the edge off of me being a first time interviewer...grillin boyfriends doesn't count.) people, i WAS lois lane.

after a day of press we all went to this amazing restaurant in yale town called golden fish where we dined on perfect wines and family-style dishes. one of the dishes was bacon fried rice...wha?! how come two of us at the table were perplexed at the amount of bacon loving people...it only took a minute before folks were clowning us. (i missed the canadian bacon thang.)

i bonded with a fellow bookworm and got some great new books to peep out. anyone else read _the debate on human nature_?

i laughed, i skipped my runs (don't hate me j) and i soaked in as much vancouver as i could from the windows of our shuttle bus. it's so diverse here. the architecture is amazing and fresh. the people are all beautiful. people glow with happiness. i've never seen so many people smiling in my life!

vancouver is mecca i've decided. besides this weird crackhead thing they have going on in the shadows of the city this place is perfection. the last two days have been a dream. i might have to marry, live and die in this town. (yeah, it's like that.)

seriously pinch me. who does this kind of thing?! who meets these kinds of women?! i was so scared that i didn't belong at first. the minute i let go and just enjoyed the gift of learning my heart started picking up a new rhythm. i've got some spiritual hallelujahs, some paolo nutini "new shoes" and some louis armstrong "what a wonderful world" programmed in my noggin.

tomorrow i'll wake at the booty crack of dawn again, we'll train in our official nike training gear they provide and then we'll pack our bags and leave. i know i'm gonna cry. in one short day i've changed into something new, better and brighter.

i thank j for allowing me to represent the FBGs. i thank myself for being brave enough, smart enough and crazy enough to hop on a plane and try a new adventure. i thank God for my randomly wonderful life and i thank nike for the new kicks. : )

i love, love LOVE my new life soundtrack.

a different world

10.06.2009
so i boarded a plane and scooted north to vancouver. that was the easy part.

the hard part was calming my nerves lol. i was so excited and so cool chill about this whole trip. the minute i got off the plane and saw different languages up on screens and signs pointing to customs i wigged out a bit. that's when it hit me that i was doing something HUGE and totally wicked cool.

there were big screens everywhere advertising the winter olympics...people running with the torch and crying. i swear i started choking up in the customs line. i tried to get the customs lady to bond with me for a bit but she didn't much care that this was my first time. one poo point.

so now i sit at a glorious hotel in downtown vancouver, post summit dinner. i had shrimp served off a platter that was sitting in a bath of ice. i've met some cool women that had me yapping about everything and anything under the sun. the ladies are from different magazines & internet sites like elle,sparkpeople.com, shape, nike, teen vogue (you know i drooled a bit, right?) i've met fashionistas (serious fashion) fitness gurus, swimming coaches lol you name it, i've met her.

the next couple of days are gonna be interesting. i was so intimidated by all these fabulous, chic, intelligent, successful women initially. by the end of the evening we were all laughing and kicking back and discussing plans to go to punjabi town and where to shop in a, b and c city. that was just two hours...imagine what will happen after a full day with these gals.

cool chicks combined with internet access combined with experiencing something new and learning mucho has me in a kid-like daze. i hope i never get sick of stuff like this. i really do.

i will now go frolic in my princess bed of joy.

side note: if you google in the great land of canada there's an extra option at the bottom that reads "pages from canada". i'm in another world.

side note #2: pictures are coming. i forgot the adapter at home. classic tish move.








destination canada

ahhhh...

later this afternoon dear readers i will be in canada. a small part of me will immediately start to crave fries with vinegar and words like "abote".

mo (aka my mom) sent me an email last night saying she's proud of me for doing this. i'm kind of proud of me too. it's hard being a single gal sometimes. you always hear your married friends yapping about how being single is great because you can go here and there at the blink of an eye but the nitty gritty reality is i don't really country hop at the onset of a blink. well, that is until now :)

i'm going to canada! i get to FINALLY use my leftover money from my last canadian adventure (i think i was 10 the last time we went as a fam bam.) i've been saving the damn thing for YEARS lol. i'm gonna explore the city as much as i can. i'm gonna meet great new people and i'm gonna rock the heck out of my writing endeavors.

i've got my tape recorder, a note pad, my laptop and some major kiwi power to boot. i'm ready. i can't wait to share some awesome stories.

ready to get this show on the plane! i'm coming back a new chick. be on the look out, eh!

live dangerously, try jellyfish

10.05.2009
there are days where every little thing that happens is magic. the day can do no wrong and you just feel alive. you want to do, be, experience EVERYTHING. yesterday just happened to be one such day.

my new pal (we'll call her kiddo) asked me if i'd like to grab some sushi so we chose a random spot neither of us had ever been to and called it a date. we ended up at this place called hide in los angeles--a joint chillin in this tiny asian mecca of yummy restaurants down off the olympic/pico exit from the 405.

kiddo and i were giddy and chatty as heck so we sat down and made a pact to be daring and try something new. we both love sushi so we figured we couldn't go wrong...boy were we mistaken.

i had the brilliant idea to try jellyfish. (the fact that i associate jellyfish with poison should have deterred me from such nonsense but once i decide i'm daring not even poison can stop me) we tell the sushi chef what we want and he asks us if we're sure (clue #2). we say yup and out it comes...bitter, weird, fishy as i don't even know what nastified jellyfish. we made valiant efforts by chewing and then swallowing that monstrosity but neither of us went for seconds. (lots of green tea followed.) if you go there, stick to the spicy tuna rolls yo.

we high-fived our bravery and agreed to hit up yogurtland as a consolation prize (and for palate cleansing). my mix consisted of strawberry, vanilla, cheesecake, green tea and s'more yogurt with strawberry, kiwis, mango and blueberries sprinkled on top. how do you say "mmmmm" in mandarin?

the jellyfish wasn't a favorite but the fact that i could sit in a tiny little restaurant with a gang of people, eat crazy terrible food and STILL have a blast talking into the night with kiddo says a lot.

magic does that to ya. it dulls the bad stuff and brightens the good stuff. heck, i still have phantom jellyfish taste in my mouth and i'm sitting here glowing. if that ain't magic i don't know what is.


don't be fooled by the cute little roll. this thing packed some major icknastiness.

i kind of fell in love with the place. this ceiling spoke to me. it said, "you have entered a happy place where not even nastified jellyfish will smash your cloud nine euphoria."

paranormal activity

10.04.2009
so...

i don't see scary movies. i don't think about scary movies. i don't dooooo scary movies. for some reason i forgot what was stamped in my dna as tish rule and decided i'd check out the flick "paranormal activity".

this ain't your typical freddy-coming-out-the-water-bed flick ya'll. this movie is set up real nice like. you're calm through out the whole durn thing. you're anticipating something spooky (think ghost hunters) and so when ish starts hitting the scariest fan in the whole wide world you feel like maybe just maybe you should have worn a diaper, brought your Bible and made real nice with a priest. yeah...it's like that.

i went into my job the day after to get some work done and i was the only one on my floor working. check out the scene: tish, in a relatively dark work space. it's quiet. she can hear every creek and sound and she's ALL ALONE... i jumped at every dang noise i heard and every time the motion lights went off i jumped up with the quickness, flailed my arms around and jumped until the durn things came back on. did i forget to mention i didn't sleep the first night after seeing it? every time my foot fell out from the blanket i'd wake up in a panic.

yeah...it's like that.

i've been jacked up in the head. so if you're into flicks that are actually scary and force actual scary movie junkies to turn to you and say, "tish, i don't want to talk about the movie. i'm trying to forget it." then GO SEE THIS MOVIE! request it in your area and then call me up so we can talk.

in the mean time i'm putting an ad in the paper. i need to hire someone to come over and sleep in my room at night...just for a year or so.

brain leaks

10.02.2009
a good night

yesterday a good night consisted of kicking off my flats, grabbing a red sharpie marker, plopping my body in front of the tv, watching a new show i recorded called eastwick and jotting down comments for a friend's book she's writing.

call me crazy (seriously, call me a loon. i won't cry.) because there are times when if i don't leave my cave-of-an-apartment i think i'll seriously check myself into a special house where people wear white hospital gowns. then there are other moments--moments similar to last night--when i like nothing more than my own company and some chill toy to occupy my brain. (toy = tv, book, or writing utensil...get your heads out of the gutter...jeez)

i plead the right to be insane.


cool points

i think i'm infatuated with twilight in a cool way--not the freaky, "i wear braces and scream for dudes to bite me" way at all. while i WILL be seeing the next flick opening weekend for sure, i won't be going opening night because the sound of prepubescent girls giggling and sighing in perfect unison makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. the fact that i can wait, semi-patiently, makes me cool. the fact that i almost had a hissy and a half attack when nordstroms sent me this email does not diminish my cool factor but definitely questions it a tiny bit. dude! i know i shouldn't...but i wanna buy. i wanna buy SOOOOO BAD. (biting lip...be strong tish)


the dance

over the years i've had many a "dude bud" and i always try to school them on the ways of women but i'm only one girl. i can only do so much. this fact was made painfully obvious yesterday while i was picking up my tuna salad sandwich over my work lunch. i see this brutha man in a suit, who is obviously feeling himself in the suit and because he's feeling himself in his nifty duds he forgets the cardinal rules of the dating dance. when you look at a chick and she looks at you, pauses, looks down or sideways BUT then looks back within 5 seconds, you're in! she's yours dude! you got her!

BUT if you look at her, she looks at you and then immediately flips that neck to pretend like she never EVA saw yo face...then step away brutha. it wasn't meant to be. maybe she needs something out of that area. maybe she's curious that some dude may or may not have been checking her out...this may cause her to look back but this in no way shape or form means she digs you. if she immediately turns away and does not make eye contact with you in that given 5 seconds or less, move on...walk towards the "she ain't the one" light and do you.

sigh...the suit kept staring so of course i had to look back to figure out why the dufus was gawking. i was with my girl fortunately and when i could tell he was deliberating on whether or not to mosey on over i made sure to make it look like i was never looking at him at all. i directed my friend to an item close to him, talked about it for a bit, then turned back around. she probably thought i was crazy for admiring the sushi like i did, but what ev. a gal will use any and all avoidance techniques in order to avoid a dude who obviously never learned how to dance.

etymology

10.01.2009
me: dogs gonna go ape shit lol

j: she'll like that at first too. Oh yeah. LOL
me: i like saying "ape shit". is ape shit totally crazy?

j: it does have a good effect…like bat shit crazy

me: i mean is it a mess of bewilderment?

j: same thing

me: i mean at least bats fly and fling the shit

j: it's just going crazy...like when an ape throws poop

me: i guess apes throw their poo too huh

j: lol yep

me: ha! we just wrote at the same time lol

j: I know it

me: can i post this as a blog?

j: sure lol what the hell

the passport had a deeper purpose

i bet ya didn't know that inanimate objects had purpose...

many moons ago my agent called me, screaming in the phone that i was going to be THE new model for this beer company that i will never name publicly. she had me booked on a plane to mexico in four days...all expenses paid, a lovely contract and money money money money MUH-KNEE (money...sing it!) i'd be shooting at this awesome location...i would have basically been the poor man's version of naomi campbell. don't hate.


then the bummer of all bummers came. she asked for my muther truckin' passport and you know i didn't have one. nooooo ...of course i didn't. why would a girl like me ever imagine she'd book a modeling job outside of the country right after the new border laws popped up? tish luck in full effect. i cried that weekend. i cried like someone stole my cupcake.

and now we twirl forward to sept 09. i, tish, lie in bed sickly and weak. i wonder if i'll make it. so sick. so frail. j pings me on g chat with an offer no lady with an itch to write could ever refuse. i will be a fit bottomed girl correspondent once again. but this isn't just any writing project she's given me. i will be covering nike's media training sum
mit. i will fly to canada. i will meet inspiring women. i will try out new nike gear. i will write my little heart out.

if it weren't illegal i'd make j divorce her dude and marry me. i seriously was just thinking that i'm stuck right now. i want to move. (both mentally and physically) i want new challenges, new jobs, new sites...but all of that rests on the shoulder's of my darling book so i'm pretty much stuck in the muck for a while. this lack of contentment made me antsy as heck. then j comes along and gives me just what my heart has been asking for. i get to travel and see something new. i get to escape from the life i'm uncomfortable with here. i get to meet cool new people and WRITE! I GET TO WRITE! mwahahahaha...

that passport wasn't for the durn beer shoot. i never wanted to be a model for pete's sake! it was just a way into acting. that shoot forced me to get the passport which is getting me on a plane to canada next week. i'm leaving the country (which i've wished for in my heart for months now.) i'm going alone. and i'm learning something new about the world and myself. wishes granted.

i'm glowing right now. it's like i've been jolted back to the land of living by one of those heart defibrillator thingy-ma-jigs.

it's so easy for me to get caught up in what's missing from my life. i forget how much is currently there and how flippin random and fantastic my life can be. these random moments save me. the world works in mysterious ways.

i humbly bow to this idea.




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