descartes in the hizzouse

quick philosophy tidbit: descartes was the guy who asked what's real and how do you know what you think you know... head spinning? mine was when mr older, my high school guru of a teacher, used to spit on a philosophical tip.

my brain really doesn't have the juice to dive into that deeply right now, but i can swim in its shallow pools for the purpose of this post.

this weekend wasn't my finest. i was hella bored most of the time. i started twitching on saturday and that's when the self doubt kicked in. i saw my reality--my immediate life--as pretty darn sucktastic.

i spent the entire day editing my book. i haven't touched the darn thing in a month or so. i thought this would be a good thing. i'd have fresh eyes to catch the boo boos but i think my eyes were a little too fresh. chapter after chapter left me scowling and in pain. i found it all to be crap...utter crap. i edited it as fast as i could and then closed down the laptop for the rest of the night.

i then started editing the other parts of my life. i looked at things and decided it was all crap and scowled myself to sleep. then i woke up on sunday with a different pair of eyes. all the supposedly real thoughts and opinions i had concerning my life weren't as bad as i had previously thought.

i hung out with d the entire day. we watched the blind side and true blood...we laughed and ate good of my boys (who's written a book himself) started reading my book and gave me some nice short, things started looking differently. what i thought was real and finite wasn't. saturday phone calls had initially sealed parts of my life's fate and then sunday...completely different sentiments that left me scratching my curl mop.

so what's real? how do you tell real from perspective? when do you celebrate or cry...scowl or smile? i could do it all, but i have a sneaking suspicion people would think i was a bipolar crack head. lol...that wouldn't be a really accurate assessment though. ;)

i'm just little spazzy me...trying to keep it real.

p.s. reading a book my sis gave me for christmas last year, persepolis...good stuff. i dig the graphic novel. it's smart and interesting so far. i can proudly say i dig picture books. as for the blind was touching and sweet--good movie for the holidays.

a steel magnolia

you think when you become friends with people that you're getting all of them--you've already figured out all their potential, all that they are and all that they will be. you think you see it then...that's why you choose them as your friend.

the wiser me knows better now...

today i went to a funeral for my friend's father. this friend is someone i think of as a sister. i swear her mom and mine were separated at i always loved spending holidays in their home. felt like my family... i wish i could say there were differences when it came to tragedy, but i can't. it also felt like my story when i learned of her dad's passing...

going in i thought i would be strong and i could be there for my friend. like i said before...i thought i knew up front how my girl was. she was so much more than that today though. today i saw a beautiful strength i've never quite seen in any one person before. she looked so strong...sad, but strong. i cried immediately when i saw her face.

you can judge a woman's character by how she reacts in the worst of times i've heard. my friend was everything beautiful...everything sad...everything we ladies should want to hug and console today. she was a steel magnolia... i couldn't stop the tears. my heart was breaking for the girl that's been a great friend to me over the years.

thru the best of times and the worst of times i'll keep learning about my friends...i'll keep learning that this life of mine just doesn't work without them.
i learned more about my dear friend today than ever before.

i was a fool to say i had it all figured out. i'm still a rookie at all of this. the only thing i know for sure is friends give strength in ways that we just can't muster on our own.
i sat in a room full of strangers crying for my dad, crying for the man that accepted me into his home and offered me candy, crying for my friend who had to say good bye to her daddy...and then b was there holding my hand. yes, the tears kept coming and i still felt that sadness that's been with me since i was a child but the world shakes a little less when some one's there holding you up.

i saw my friend's best friend holding her up. she read a passage during the service and at that point i knew my friend had someone holding her world up too and my heart sighed with some relief.

e, i love you very much and this week (the week of thanks) i am grateful for "your person" t...your friends that stood in your sisters kitchen helping dish out food...strong women that made you smile. i'm thankful for the strength you possess and most importantly i'm thankful God put you in my life to show me how a steel magnolia looks and acts.

stank you very much

ah thanksgiving...

the holiday that bullies us into listing all the many things we're thankful for...

this turkey day i'm rockin it alone which is the ultimate no no thing to do around the holidays. i'm not so thrilled...

with that said, i'm thankful for my exhausted sense of humor...and tv land.


occasionally i get the opportunity to write something for j's uber awesome fitness blog.

check out today's post and swim around for a bit. there are some lovely little nuggets up in there...

new moon (no spoiler geeze mon!)

i don't know if you've realized it yet, but movies (for me anyways) are WAY more than just sitting in a dark theater and breaking down acting quality and plot. i go for a number of different lovely reasons.

in the case of new moon i went because i heart the darn books with a passion that has to be pronounced like cesar millan the dog whisperer would do so. ("i have pash-SHUN for the books.")

watching new moon was one of THE BEST movie experiences i've had to date. it had nothing to do with the actual movie really...a group of my gal pals (b, evvie, bree and rachel) all met up at 9:30 am sharp to watch a movie we're all a little obsessed with. the fact that we were all giddy school girls was the key ingredient that makes it memorable

it's great seeing a movie with perky people all in the same lovey dovey mood. we laughed and cried and laughed at our crying together and it was the perfect morning. i'm sure folks were wondering why a group of obviously grown A women were geeking out, but we cared not. we were too busy having fun and enjoying a perfectly goofy sunday morning flick.'s about to start

the gang...i'm just now noticing i hang out with a gang of short little pixie mamas

best buds totally geeking out. yes, we took pictures at 9am to document our new moon experience

acting adventures part 382

when it comes to me and my world of acting, connections just don't really exist the way they're supposed to. sure folks promise a lot, but when it comes to me actually seeing successful people helping the unfortunate--well, that's an urban legend.

that is until friday night. i don't know how...i don't know why...but i--little ole tishy from the suburban block of nada--ended up at a dinner party with BIG producers, writers, was madness, jaw-dropping idol worship stuff up in that home and i was there...soaking in the realization that i was pretty darn close to folks otherwise known as "the shiznet".

i listened to these folks discuss the projects they're currently working on...some are directing mini series and drama series that you and i watch...comedy late night shows...movies (one guy was a mastermind of THE MUPPETS MOVIE) guy discussed having john singleton in a class he taught at usc...this class happened to be where he wrote boyz n the hood.

they spoke about how important helping the next generation they look for passion and heart in the newbies--throwing experience out the door for the opportunity to find the next great genius. they spoke of getting out of the entertainment tunnel of boring and living...experiencing the world so you have something new and fresh to actually bring to your art. (hallelujah! that my friends is why i never dated actors...people that eat, live, breath, sleep acting are dull as the spoon i ran into my little four-year old eye)

i dug shaking hands with such good-hearted individuals and discussing what's to come in the world of ku alum living in los angeles.

who knows if i made an impression on those at the dinner. i spoke little, listened much and just soaked it in. i'll chalk that night up to magical fate and be thankful i got to be a fly on the wall.

sometimes my life is a whirlwind of randomness--impossible to grab on to the things that fly around, but boy are they impossible to ignore rushing by.

cross your toes

8 miles...

8 miles can look sooooo very different when you take away your car and put on your running shoes. 8 miles consumed my brain last wednesday. by the time i went down to the gym i was a ball of grump for sure. the grump helped me see the light though. i knew i couldn't run an hour and then some on a treadmill--staring at a wall. the grump helped guide my fingers to the movie section of my ipod. sex and the city the movie saved my darn sanity...i was watching and running and before i knew it i had ran 4.5 miles. sweet! good! love that. then it happened...

sharp pain started shooting up the top of my foot...NOOOOO. all focus came back to my body...the heat traveling to my head. the obvious pain in my foot...a dull ache in my shoulders from eratic breathing...for someone who's faced backslide after backslide of training i was devastated that pain hit in the one darn body part i had to have working in order to zone out.

all that night i was in pain. the next day...the same, but lucky for me, i got into a doctor that day. the foot doc rocked. no bone x rays either. i have tendinitis in my right foot. in my opinion this is good news cuz it means i can still run BUT i can't push and do big runs for the rest of my training...i'll be doing short runs more more 16's and 15's...BUT i will get in a 20 in a couple weeks. (just to see if i have the juice necessary to keep up with crackhead mcgee--j woosky)

i think today was the first day i was proud of myself for participating in all this madness. i've had anxiety attacks...i've given up my time and alcohol consumption (just saying!) for this stuff and today i saw how awesome my sacrifices have been on the doc's face. he made me repeat how many miles i had run when the pain hit at 5 miles and i still ran the last three. he called me "one of those crazy people" and i smiled...i am one of those crazy loon athletes that pushes thru pain... couldn't be more proud to rock the crazy.

be good to your feet...heartfelt advice from a pisces foot nut

irony? cruel joke? coincidence?

it's a bit ironic that oprah's big announcement...followed by my realization that a part of my dream was gonna disappear, followed the invitation i received to attend an acting thang tonight. remember acting? it was that little ole thing i moved out here for that bullied me into a corner to suck my thumb and develop temporary dream amnesia...

i honestly don't know why i'm going. can't tell if it's curiosity...tiny hope...maybe even me just being a wimp that will attend anything my buds tell me to attend. who knows. the point my dear friends is i'm going to a dinner tonight to discuss ku's film and theater program with a bunch of talented and successful alumni. (how in the WORLD did they get my information?!)

i would have probably curled a lip and thought about tonight anxiously but my horoscope today made me giggle so i'll say what the heck and approach the din din with a nice girl mentality.

My horoscope for November 20, 2009:
You have tremendous ability, Tish. Sometimes you just need a little push in the right direction in order to really make the most of your talents. It is not that you are lazy, rather that you are merely fatalistic about where life leads you. Today would be a good day to get a bit more serious for a change. You will find that an astute application of your skills yields tremendous results.

scary...ain't it?

chink in the dream

i'm not ready!!!

oprah has announced that she's going off the air. september (2011?) will be her final month of the oprah show.

oh this ain't no stay-at-home-mommy-eating-bon bons-sadness my friends. don't be shocked that my demographic worships the dear woman.

oprah's a part of my personal legend! i have big plans for oprah. i WRITE oprah monthly and give show ideas. they've called me back. (how many times have i told this sad little story? i think this makes four...)

how can she go off the air? i've been dreaming of sitting in that woman's seat since i was a kid. at first i was gonna tell her off because she did a show that discussed the tragic lives of biracial kids. i wanted to speak my little five-year old mind and tell her i was just fine (twitch twitch)...

then i grew up and she changed the show's format and i fell in love. the end.

oprah's iconic. she can't go... i need a hug. preferably by queen of the awesomes herself.


one thing i know for sure...

if you go to the same restaurant or food joint long enough they will remember your name. a total "cheers" moment will will become norm. prepare for the temporary gut to pop out.

the peeps at the mcdonalds near my place of employment know it's me when i utter the following rehearsed request: "can i please have a medium iced coffee, caramel (and i say it like cara-mel, not carmel...there's an A folks!) and that's all." then they ask again if that's all and i say "yup!" and drive forward.

i get to the window and they're always cheesin at me. yes...i come every day. yes i'm a coffee crack head. the fact that this tickles them pink embarrasses the crap out of me, but crack heads will ignore embarrassment if it means getting their fix.


yesterday was a bit different though. yesterday i made ground on getting to know my crack dealers. i pulled forward to pay and my lady asked what i put in my hair. now everyone knows i push the mixed chicks like whoa so i happily told her what i do and how i do it and where i get the stuff to do it with and she smiled, took down the info and i moved along.

then i move to the next window and the chick is giggling at my consistent crack headish butt and handing me my ish. i am norm. norm is me.

exercising the mouth

monday, november 16th was my last and final day taking this class called cardio weight training at my gym. while i'm happy that muscles now pop out of my arms when i flex (this is a first for me folks!) i am not sad to say good bye. that class kicked me arse every single time...left me sore every single time.

it was so intense (it's bootcamp with a fancy name folks) that people started dropping like flies towards the end. the last day of class only 3 people were there: me and a married couple that i adore.

she's this quiet tiny thang and he's this husky goof'd NEVER in a million years think the two would be linked but that they most certainly are. it's that balance thing you always hear about...

being that it was a small class, my mouth grew larger to accomodate. i started asking how they met and all that juicy goodness. apparently their parents knew each other so they've known each other for a long ole time.

the hubby told me a story about how when she was six he told her aunt and uncle he was going to steal her. i'm sorry but that ish is adorable.

jersey totally scolds me after class for being such a chatter box, but you learn the best stuff from opening your mouth and chatting people up.

now if i could just find a story teller when i'm on the treadmill for hours at a time...

copy cat

they say imitation is the highest form of flattery...

b bought these swellaroo boots a month ago that left her giddy like a school girl. she came stompin in with a slight swoosh in her swagger and proudly told me they had that very same lovely boot in size ginormica. (aka my size)

i'm not big on rockin the exact same things as my buddies. don't know why--probably my weird aversion to anything that takes away from my unique tishiness BUT these boots are love. pure sole love. so today i jumped on the b boot bus.

beep beep boot luvahs!

next thing you know i'll be saying my bib for grown a women is totally fly...

fashion have a wicked sense of humor.

oo la la


mocking bird

like freud said, it's my mama's fault.

i can trace all of my bad habits i think back to toys my mo gave me as a child. when i was 5 the lady inhaled some crack and decided to give me the most annoying mocking bird toy for christmas. the darn thing could record what people were saying and play it back...i liked playing back mo's potty mouth.

years later i'm now ocd about repeating back what people say. if they have an accent it's even better. the actress in me tries to hit it dead on. sometimes i can do it...other times i just look like an arse, BUT i do it so much my friends are used to it.

that brings this story of mine to today. a little bit ago in the elevator i heard someone say (with an awesome accent), "who needs to get off on floor three" and i wanted to repeat it back so bad. my girl evvie just looked at me with wide big eyes...she didn't say a word until we got off the elevator and then she started whispering to me, "don't do it tish! the guy is right behind you."

she knew! ha! she knew something powerful was having to restrain the mocking bird within.

as soon as he passed it came bareling out...complete with accent.

some day i really will get my arse kicked. in the meantime ask me to do home boy d's voice...i'm pretty darn good...just sayin

it cometh...

i tend to vacillate at work between gangsta and goody goody. while some days i care not that i stroll into the work parking lot bumpin hip hop, other days i feel npr is the most appropriate choice if i'd like to avoid looks of sheer terror from little old cute ladies who waddle and smell like chanel perfume circa 1976.

i am cool vacillating between the two. i am not, however, comfortable with oscar junior bumpin biz markie and then switching it up to christmas music.
i thought i told oscar junior not to play my christmas songs on random shuffle, but the little contraption is a terd and does what it wants. i heard "i saw mommy kissing santa clause" this morning...

yesterday celine dion "do you hear what i hear" started blasting in my cube. my cubby buddy looked at me like i was the crazy cat lady.

i'll get to the bottom of my shuffle but one thing's for sure...i can not stop christmas from coming early.

bring on the jack frost nipping at my nose. sigh...

another little piece of my heart

the idea of home is tricky. while some associate the word with four walls and a roof, others know it's more a feeling you get when you feel comfortable or familiar...

sunday i got a good dose of all things home...left me happy, sad and everything else in between.

first i saw 2012 (review will come later gaters) and that made me miss the fam bam and all my other loved ones...funny enough i had made a date with a college bud to meet up in long beach. i met ms em back at an old college job. every day we'd sit in a little cube together, fold envelopes and gab. i was there when she was dating her hubster, when he proposed...i went to the wedding...she was there to see me off to los angeles. a bit later she, her husband and her baby moved to salt lake city and the rest is herstory.

i haven't seen or spoken (in person) to this lady in YEARS and then there she was, stroller in tow, waiting for me at the aquarium. we found a restaurant and promptly started the game of catch up.

random...the restaurant was celebrating their five-year anniversary. so obviously (not really but yeah) the celebration included the usc marching band coming in and blasting tunes for a good 45 minutes. thru the noise and play time with her wee one we managed to squeeze out what's been happening in both our worlds.

i caught myself melting into our conversation. it's been such a long time since i've spoken to someone who knows about the ethiopian restaurant in our college town...someone who discusses old school olathe as a point of reference....someone that can give me home.

i caught myself tearing up when we were hugging bye. when you move away you create a new version of life. yes, you bring your furniture and other tangible goodies but it's not always home. home is where the heart is and fortunately for me a little bit of home came and plopped herself and her daughter in my little ole day. i was reminded that there really is no place like it.

sorry for the sideways angle. some day i'll learn to stop doing that...some day.

ms em & her little wiggle worm

my favorite honeymooners

life is a complicated mess of highs and lows. sometimes the highs and lows are far apart and never touch and other times they hug and cling because life just wouldn't be bearable without the combination of the two.

earlier i heard a blood curdling scream come out of a dear friend who found out she had lost something very dear to her. the pain i heard was the same pain i carry with me from the same kinda heart immediately dropped and i burst into tears...

i was in the middle of a conversation with j and her husband, mr perfect, and i swear in the same moment tears were streaming down my face, i received an email reply from mr perfect regarding the water discovery on the moon:

it will unite us all - we will all be on the same team as "earthlings" all problems will go away--star trek here we come!!!
unite against the alien bacteria!!! we will never fall to the mooninites!!! we are earthlings!!!

and i laughed. i laughed so hard that i cried. friends are so gosh darn important. laughter is the best medicine. love you, w family! love you lots!

the mama-ate-tissue litmus test

someone forgot to send me the new november holiday calendar. i had no idea yesterday was national "share a new fact with your best friend"day.

earlier in the day j surprised the heck out of me. i've known this woman since she was 14. i thought i knew every darn tootin thing about her, but apparently taco salad is her favorite thing in the whole wide world. who knew? not i!

then last night b and i decided to hang out and grab some grub at my favorite little diner down the street. afterward, we went back to my house to gab some more and there i found out that my sheep flip flops (don't ask) remind her of her mother and this weird dish rag-to-the-nose thing she used to do when b was a kid. i look at her oddly and then she continues with, "yeah i know, but this is the same woman who used to eat tissue."

HUH?! wha? repeat-tay home slice. did you seriously just give me a running with scissors kinda moment?

i'm a little butt hurt. i think that's the most hilarious...weirdest thing i've ever heard. that's weirder than eating glue. maybe my bum is bummed because one of my many nicknames is in fact tissue and i'm empathizing with the object that's basically had to endure being used in such an odd manner. one of my best buds was raised by a tissue eater. j and the taco salad...not so weird, but i swear finding out new things about folks you thought you knew everything about is just wonky weird. awesome! but weird...totally keeps me from sleeping thru life i guess.

from now on when someone describes something as being weird i'm gonna pipe in with "well at least they didn't eat tissue. i mean come on...lets put this all in perspective."

my friends:keepin the spark alive in our friendships one food fact at a time...

b & j


it's happened...

i said i'd never go hollywood but next year i plan to go under the knife...gasp!

today i set aside money in my company benefits package for a surgery i've been due for since 1st grade. (if you say a face transplant i'll kick you hard...or pick my nose and flick it upon you.) i know the suspense is killing you. is it the boobs, the nose? WHAT IS IT MAN?! oh my...i know the anticipation is killing you softly so i'll just tell ya already. i plan to get lasik eye surgery.

wooo hoooo!!!

i've had four eyes for YEARS and i'm pretty much done with my vision dependencies. i'm down for subtracting two.

this was a big kid decision. (aka it's a lot of frickin money!) i'm just sick of being cautious. i'm so sick of saying "i'll do that when blah blah blah happens..." it was time for me to accept that all i have is what's right in front of me. i have to accept that i can barely see that stuff in front of me and slit those darn corneas! i'm doing a going-under-the-knife jig. it involves dynamic hand movements, leg kicks and big-eyed winks. i know it's silly but silly is as silly sees.

...i will no longer fly with the blind bats of the world. i will not eat cheese with my homies--the 3 blind mice. mr. mole and i will have nothing more in common. 20/20 will come to me beyond hind sight.

i'll be the blind (wo)man who actually can say "i see." what, what! two-eyed geek in the house!

old soul

my whole life i've been told i'm an old soul.

in the 3rd grade i walked up to my teacher and said "it's hot donna dear. can we please get some fan? i'm hot flashin" and from that moment on i was known to all as an old soul. a weird old soul...

recently i wrote the phrase, "chuckles from the peanut gallery" and it reminded me of all the tendencies i've acquired over the years from hanging with my grandparents and my mo and her peeps.

words like swell and critters permeate my conversations. i like to say "many moons ago" and "back in my heyday".

a group of rather delightful sista girls from college even refer to me as "grammama". i didn't know going to bed before 10 was a crime.

while this is all makes me giggle (my list of why i'm weird just keeps getting longer and longer) i still don't consider myself to be body, mind, and soul old fartish. i appreciate the kiddy cartoons (now see, that sounded old didn't it?!). i like sugar cereals on saturday and good color time...

i'd just like to point out to the jury that i am and always will be a kidult (kid + adult) no matter what tendencies bust out of me. that's my story and i'm stickin' to it...groovy? ya dig whipper snapper?


my mom was a smart cookie. back in the day she used to be a massive clean freak...a clever clean freak. she'd turning cleaning into a game; blasting music while we danced and did our thing. somehow she made bleaching countertops and scrubbing floors fun. i swear that weird mentality has followed me into my kidult-hood.

whenever i'm feeling off or moody, i take to the floors and start scrubbing. i woke up saturday morning with a clear sense that all the junk in my closets was the culprit of my recent moody sentiments. i started ripping out old clothes from my closets...stuff i've had for YEARS. i got rid of anything and everything that had gone untouched for more than 3 months. i got rid of the t shirt i wore when i first met ex fiance...when i was 18! yeah i'm lame like that....

shoes and bags and clothes i've seriously rocked since 7th grade came flying out. by the time i was done there was a pile up to my waste.i loaded it up in my car--looking whack as heck--and drove my little behind to goodwill and dumped the lot. bridesmaid dresses PEACE!

i then organized closets. i color-coded. i shifted. i bleached my bathroom and scrubbed the mess out of my shower. i got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the floors. i gave my new books new room to grow and hours later felt like a new woman.

i showered like i had just commited murder and plopped my behind on the felt darn good. days later i'm still pleased with the cleanse. something just feels better when you remove the clutter from your life. your limbs start to burn when you're down there scrubbin...your body and mind start workin hard for the money (sing with me now!)

it's hard getting rid of things that link you to the past but boy is it necessary!

clearing out mental and physical clutter one room at a time...


sometimes i just have to see the movie. even though i know it's gonna make me cry. even though i know it's gonna take me to some dark place. i knew seeing the movie precious was something i needed to see and boy was my gut speakin the trufe.

no spoilers here ever...come on, it's tishy ya'll. i'll simply say it's a powerful story.

i think people need this story. i think people need to talk about this story. mariah carey did a phenomenal job...seriously, never could stand the woman but she showed beautiful vulnerabilities...i know it probably made her twitch when the camera caught her right side (ya'll know that's a no no!) but really, she definitely won some respect for that one.

mo'nique was incredible as well as the girl who played precious. the acting bug in me started wiggling and twitching. haven't felt movement in a minute. interesting...

for the story itself, there were elements of dreaming that left the audience laughing, crying, upset and whether you wanted it or not--moved. i don't know if it was intentional or not, but the theater stayed completely dark after it was over. people just sat there.

i think the guy i went with really let that story in. he had read the book the movie was based off of so he knew going in he'd have issues watching a character as wonderful as precious go through the crap she had to endure. after we left he just kept shaking his head. in fact, a lot of men leaving the theater looked bereft--a million different thoughts swirling around in their worried heads.

common, the rapper, was there with his young daughter. talk about progressive parenting...

be responsible. learn someone else's story. go see precious.

tokyo shake down

friday night i hopped on the crazy bandwagon and joined b and some lovely folks for crazy time at tokyo delves. for all those non la la land folks, tokyo delves is this totally hilarious, totally wild sushi bar in north hollywood where folks go to pour happy pandemonium into a cup and gulp it down.

while i was a sour puss (FOR REALZ!) before we entered the joint, i was buck buck wild once the music started. there's something about obnoxiously loud great music from our jr high years that brings out the equally obnoxiously loud tish.

i can't really capture the fun with words so i give thee video time.

enjoy :)

i met the bartender...note josh never drops his food

ya gotta have some journey, a little b guitar finger action and folks forgetting words

grease! need i say more?

"it don't get no betta than nsync!"

awesome editing j! i take ymc quite seriously...

brain leaks

training update

marathon training is driving me batty. someone told me at the beginning of this darn stuff not to over train and i don't think i really knew what that meant. i'm feeling sick, malnourished and mentally exhausted. i'm a cross between "save the children" and rip van winkle. just the thought of running makes me sink into a black abyss of NOOOO. i won't call it a panic attack...but it's a panic attack!

so i'm thinking of cutting back on some of the runs. working out 6 times a week just ain't working for me. lets try for 3 times a week. we'll see if that works.

marathon training is more than running. this stuff has changed my life. it takes hard core mental strength. i applaud all those that have done the devil runs in the past.

bean lady strikes

good ole gram called me at 5:27 am to tell me she had been playing cards with the bean lady. the bean lady told her a bunch of stuff about my future that i'm not even sure i want anymore. do you ever get the feeling that most people in life simply tell you what they THINK you wanna hear? the bean lady was all gas that day my friends...and blowing it right up my booty. tickled a little...

boys will be boys
hanging with the fellas is grand. i know i tease and say that some day i'll grow a piss pump and two wee little balls from all the guy time i partake in, but honestly, if it keeps me laughing like last night then bring on the tighty whities!

d and my bud from back home, mr t, came to my hood for some lovely thai food and chill time. we grubbed on mint fried rice, some chicken/egg/rice stuff and larb. yes...LARB. doesn't that just sound really manly and gross and totally testosterone-approved? i recommend it. eat it and don't dab at the corners of your mouth...just let the meat stay on YO FACE!

ok i don't know where that came from. it's late. i'm sleepy.

so after a most righteous meal, we went back to my place and discussed cars and what to do if you're ever faced with a floor mat pushing up against the gas pedal. don't brake! you only get one, maybe two pumps. instead you first put the car in neutral. then move the mat yo! yes ladies, this is what guys really talk about all.the.time. oh yeah, and the lexus lf-a is the shiznit if you plan to store it in a batman-like garage and never actually drive the darn thing.

it wasn't all trains, planes and automobiles though. we talked about some of the material i write about concerning d. mr t googled "piss pump" and surprisingly, i'm #3 on the list of google searches...that's how often i use the darn phrase. i was quite proud and we got a good laugh out of that one.

piss's what's for dinner!

ass clowns

the things i will endure for hanging with this man...

i need rituals. i need to dress up like a witch doctor and jump around my living room furniture yelling "shakka lakka zoom zoom"...basically a gal needs d hang out nights. i need them like big bertha needs a bra. i need them like my hair needs gel. this girl needs scheduled d time!

i called the witch doctor he told me what to do...

so many moons ago i wrote a post alerting the masses that d was abandoning our monday night rituals--jumping the heroes ship if you will.
i squeezed my nose, held my breath and followed shortly after, but beloved d missed my "i'll kick you in the piss pump" threats, occasional toot sounds and duck laughs so ritual night was brought back from the depths of the ocean. fist pump to chest!

...and a new ritual was born.

i realized while we were planning our next big watchapalooza that i'm kind of a bossy jenkins in regards to entertainment so being the kind and oh-so-gentle friend that i am, i let d suggest something. the ass clown chose a show i never wanted to get involved with...true blood. i personally wanted to start watching dexter but what ev...i secretly like cultivating d's ass clown-ness.

d was totally into it. i'd like to give him some partial manly man points--there were naked chicks occasionally. that could have been part of the allure...

the rules were simple. we'd watch the first two episodes and if they were cool we'd invest. if we were twitching at the end of each one then we'd move on to my choice. unfortunately, the ass clown won and i hopped into the little ass clown car.

he said ting tang walla walla bing bang...

yes...i mock the show initially...

but then i come around...ahhh how i missed tv night with d! please excuse the fact that i look like a crackhead broke arse chick. this is what marathon training at night does to a gal!

the easy silence

Easy silence that you make for me
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
The way you keep the world at bay

don't you hate it when you luv a song and then that ish flips on you like a terd-a-licious demon? i mean i've always loved the idea of someone creating a silent calm for me. just sounds sweet coming from the mouth of a dixie chick BUT it ain't so sweet when you're forced into silence cuz you're upset and you don't know how much the truth will help or hurt.

sometimes i spill out every kind of truth i have while other times i'm oddly vague--leaving ya'll to wonder what kind of devil's lettuce i've been smoking before dinner. this will be one of those devil lettuce moments and i apologize.

lol i can't quite verbalize what's causing my not-so-easy silence but i can tell you drives me batty to NOT be able to express myself.
therefore i broke the silence with b yesterday evening. she rocked my world by plopping her little self down in my cardio weight class and joining my routine.

have YOU ever had a friend volunteer to sweat it out with you in a class obviously designed to make your muscles scream uncle like the kid from christmas story screamed it? that's luv my friends...she took the class with me--shooting me "u make my arse twitch, trick!" looks. so worth it though.

afterwards we drove over to jamba and talked about life for a good 4 hours. breaking the silence felt so good. i don't know if i came up for air once. we caught up on insecurites, cultural realizations that make my life a pickle of joy, boyfriend giddiness (that be her giddiness) holiday plans and of course jamba goodness.

i shoved silence in my pocket and potty mouthed everything deep down until
finally my darling friend could see me again.

have you ever noticed what silence can do to two people? it distracts you hides hides you and the other focus on what's not being said and forget to see the person right in front of you. some people can go their whole lives living in a silent invisible cage. sounds dreamy, right?

this is a completely different kind of "shhh!" than the easy stuff i dig hearing about in that above song. (for realz!) there's just something necessary about honest talks and something unnerving about zipping my lips when it comes to the important stuff in life. thanks b for letting me unleash the beast.

silence may be golden, but i'm used to being broke. bring on the truth!

just another manish monday

ah halloween. it's been a long, long time since i've played on the day of pretend but j gave me the BRILLIANT idea this year to dress up as slash from guns & roses so pretend i did.

when the big day came the actress in me took over. i decided to get into character like a true method actor so i deemed boy undies and sports bra. i was uber make up...let the curly fro go buck wild and went out in public like this. (mind you i didn't have the full get up on so i basically just looked butch...think noah from the chicago bulls...ouch!)

i don't know what happened to me but i felt dudish. i walked like a dude. my hip switch stopped. if you ever want to feel uber manish i suggest you rock some men's undies. it totally works.

the flip side to all that costume glory was i felt like a weird outcast of sorts. people were staring at me weird trying to figure out if i was pat the pink lover or pat the blue baron.

today i'm anti-dude for realz. it was oh-so-necessary to doll up in the girliest dress i have. throw on some heels and slab on a thick coat of make up.

i know my guy friends will beg to argue this lovely point with me BUT i AM woman...hear me roar.

slash'in it up

i found my long lost twin later in the day

she returns

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