two weeks...since i was a kid, hives develop over the idea of "two weeks."

misty was my favorite childhood cousin. she was my best friend and i only got to see her once a year, usually in the summer for a couple of days but one summer when my mom was feeling extra cool she set up a two week block for me to go up to misty's house in a different state. i was so excited and when the time came and i was standing in front of my aunt you'd think i'd be bouncing off the walls. well, i was up until i asked how long i would get to stay and my aunt said two weeks and my heart plummeted into my punky brewster high tops. two weeks away from my mom sounded like a lifetime. before my mo could say "momma's girl" i was back in the car ready to go back home. (momma wasn't flattered. momma was pissed.)

the point is two weeks isn't my cup of tea.

lets now switch to yesterday morning. i told ya'll the doctor said i could get tests done in two weeks for my thyroid. the more i thought about the two weeks the more wiggidy wiggidy wack i became. by the time i rolled into work i was a ball of emotions. i tried to think of all the things that usually make me beam happiness like crispy cool mornings, pumpkin lattes, great morning music but nothing could distract me from the dreaded thought of two weeks. i cried a bit, zoinked a little more and then finally called back my beloved hoo hoo doctor and pleaded for him to take away his two week curse and give me something more lovely like a "now" and he did.

he told me i could do the testing that afternoon so at 4:00 sharp i skipped out of work and strolled on over to the lab. i was obviously nervous about possible shots because i mistook my undies for my shirt...took me minutes to realize i was pullin on the side of my thong and exciting some pervy old man with a cane walking in with me. (what can i say i moonlight as a geezer flasher.)

i got a tiny cool needle, cuz the lab tech was a dear, and then i was on my way. 10 minutes tops.

wilson phillips' "hold on" was playing when i got back into my car and i beamed a real beaming smile. i will hold on for one more day and it really will go my way. it just took a little bit of me accepting my two week phobias and loving myself enough to fight for some happy time to realize that.

some may ask why i write about this oh-so-personal stuff. i write because lots of people (me included) think the blues will go away and so we keep letting the boo boo times build and that's just not cool. i don't think we have to struggle for a dinky "i pushed thru it" badge alone. my new years resolution for 2009 was to find my joy. by gosh i've found the things that bring me that good ole i'm just fighting to keep that mess by any means necessary!

this is the only badge of courage i wanna sport right now


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