pen is mightier than the smile

i'm officially not a fan of modeling anymore.

ever since i started writing my book (which goes into detail about the crummy auditions and bull crap i've had to endure over the last four years) i've looked at my supposed modeling endeavors with disdain.

it was never my bag. i've never dug fashion. i've never dug the constant "hurry and get your arse down to the audition, miss work, make up the work you missed, try to look like you haven't worked all day in a stupid office, smile, be fake, act perky and get rejected STILL".


my agent called me last night and my top lip curled and my butt twitched. the woman was sent to earth to punish me i think. why would you ever send a nerd like me to an audition for a woman with this breakdown?!:

She has beautiful, real features. Great, toned body (looks great in bikini) She stops you on the street because her beauty precedes her...but she is not a super hot model, rather a natural beauty. She is artsy, fun and approachable. She hangs with directors, playwrights, and set designers.

i wanted to slap the stupid out of my agent at that moment.

why can't my writing just lead the way? why must i worry about my hair being too long (it was short in my last group of head shots), my body being less than bikini perfect, my smile being too jacked? why can't they just figure out that i can hold a pen in my hand and actually do something decent? way less pressure if you ask me...

today at 4:00 i will go into a room with a bunch of gorgeous girls and transform into a chump and i'm really depressed about this.

pink eye still reins supreme which means i have to stick in some new contacts and re-infect my dang eyes (expensive audition if you ask me!) and then i'll leave and have to deal with that whole waiting to hear back from the casting office. although this time i know i don't have a chance in hell of being the "hero beauty" chick so i won't hold my breath.

i sent the agent a friendly email by the way asking if she could refrain from sending me out for these impossible labels. if nerd, normal girl, or average joe isn't in the breakdown don't go there lady!


  1. On the one hand, I think you're selling yourself short saying you're not gorgeous. You're got layers upon layers girl, and there is a beautiful, sexy, elegant woman in you.
    On the other hand, I understand how you feel that way and that breakdown is about the most unattainable description of a girl ever. Stupid casting people.

  2. thank you bree and THANK YOU! unattainable nonsense if you ask me.

    i swear some nerd was sitting in his casting office daydreaming a little too hard.


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