dat girl ain't right!

10.23.2009
"Now, you are family. Okay. All my life, I had a lump at the back of my neck, right here. Always, a lump. Then I started menopause and the lump got bigger from the "hormonees." It started to grow. So I go to the doctor, and he did the bio... the b... the... the bios... the... b... the "bobopsy." Inside the lump he found teeth and a spinal cord. Yes. Inside the lump was my twin."--Aunt Voula, My Big Fat Greek Wedding

yeah,not so much rockin a twin in my neck but i've definitely been battling some hormonees. i share this because maybe writing can be fun AND therapeutic for me. i've never tried so lets give it a whirl.

lately i've been sally sadness. this same sadness knocked me down last year and forced me to go to my doc. he told me to start eating differently, advised me to exercise and changed up my bc pill (yeah i said it) because apparently i have some fun pmdd joyness and for a year it worked...then this week i've been a tired little scary shit. i mean, yeah life is for the most part uneventful and not all that much matching up to the life i thought i should have at 28, but who accurately predicts that ish at 4?! i'm smart enough to realize that sometimes life throws curve balls and we end up scratching our watches and winding our butts. i usually can totally deal with dating mishaps, stupid auditions, boring work days and hard runs...come on. that ish shouldn't result in me laying in bed crying my eyes out.


this is how i've explained it to friends: there's a calm wise "me" inside that knows the sadness isn't me, but i can't do anything about it. this crazy mean sad beast just shoves "me" into a corner of my brain and decides to be queen b. i've named the sad mean beast billy bob sue. she's mean. if she were real and 10 years old she would have jacked my lunch money and given me daily swirlies.

so while i'm in my better state of mind, i'm going to call my doc and get this ish in check. some times it sucks being a girl. that's all i have to say about that.

3 comments:

  1. So excited you have a blog Tish...how exciting...can't wait to keep up...and you are just too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  2. when I'm feeling this way, I always say I'm in a "funk." There's no rhyme or reason, I just feel off from the world and my eyes keep leaking...it's different from my normal everyday stuff, my OCD and chronic anxiety, and I don't even know how to verbalize it... thus "funk." I had a big funk last month and my rational brain knew it would be fine but the 3 year old in me just had a tantrum like the world was ending.

    You'll get through it! and it's good to check in with the doctor too, because sometimes it can be something hormonal or whatever.

    ReplyDelete
  3. martha i'm glad you're a blogger and we found each other :)

    ditto dear.

    liz: it's a funk indeed...it's good to know there are others out there that understand this mess. FOR REALZ! "happy" weekend to all!

    ReplyDelete

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