proud member of the mosquito bite club

so this i know for sure:

the day babies stood in line for their parental dna matches i forgot to stand in my mom's boob line. i think i actually stood in yzma's line by accident but that's not the point (no pun intended)

my whole life i've been surrounded by my family's big boobies (heck even my grandpa had bigger ones than me!). i was very used to hearing phrases such as "you're a carpenter's delight" and so on and so on while my younger sisters blossomed. (apparently they got the memo to wait in line double D).

all grandmothers, the mom and female relatives stood in the right line. i was the only line jumper...

i was the only one who had to endure my mom questioning me if i'd like two bandaids for them. (and folks wonder why i'm disturbed.)

all the pain and envy disappeared over my sister's wedding weekend though. mwahahaha...

my mom was at a store trying on clothes and was throwing a big hissy about her girls not playing nice. i came over and told her she just needed the right gear to hoist them up to their rightful location...and with that sentence i reached for her straps and hiked them up with a hard heave ho.

the look on my mom's face was classic. she contorted into a wide "O face". pain flashed across her eyes. she screamed at me, "WHIPLASH!!!" and instinctively cradled the twins while simultaneously slapping me away.

my sister, mom's best bud and me-- boob torturer extraordinaire--all bursted into an extreme fit of laughter.

yes i may be a pirate's delight (sunken chest) but i always will know where my girls are chillin. i'll never have to worry about them knocking me in the face as i run and i will NEVER be publicly tortured by the over the shoulder boulder holder.

there's always a silver lining folks. always...

*title inspired by neah amos, proud member of the itty bitty titty committee since 1995


« »
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...


Luv and Kiwi All rights reserved © Blog Milk Powered by Blogger