i need a date like i need a hole in my head

9.14.2009
i have an axe to grind against the inhumane practice known as dating.


back in my lucky younger days i had no problem with the dating scene. (lucky is an understatement.) when i dated i would meet and find great guys that would last at LEAST a couple of months.

then i grew older...added a couple more wrinkles to my brain and moved out to whackville (aka los angeles) and there began my adventures with crummy arse whackalicious dudes.

it was only fair i guess...

i have oodles of yummy reasons why dating sucks. ole boy may just up and marry someone WHILE you are engaged (yeah that happened to me). they may even lead a double life. (me again!) or they may be like the douchey mc-douchington i met saturday night at a ku watch party.

first of all. i am at a football watch party. i am sitting with a group of friends at a table. i am drinking water and watching the game. i am not talking to my friends which means i'm actually there for the game. i'm not there to find my baby daddy.



ole boy still approaches and i'm humored for a tiny moment because he mentions he's from kansas city too and i always have time for a little midwest love but the dude wants to seriously talk...WHILE I'M WATCHING MY FOOTBALL. i miss like two great awesome plays. i keep turning my head and clapping and saying "doh" when i miss something and he STILL doesn't get the durn hint that he's taking my beloved attention away from what matters most.

so yeah i'm a little perturbed at this point but i'm not down for rudeness so i continue to humor the dude. half time things get interesting. so i tell him i had moved to la for acting (big no no!) and so he starts name dropping and job dropping all of his endeavors (girls included). i don't humor this part of the conversation because it makes my butt twitch. after telling me how he dated so and so i turn around and give him the i'm only half looking at you/paying attention vibe .


this is when he blows it up like an atomic bomb.


i hear him say, "so when we hang out you have to wear some heels cuz i love a tall sister." and my butt twitches so much i scoot across the chair.


huh?! what vibe am i giving off to these dweeboes?! if, during commercial breaks, i'm spittin actual knowledge your way and sporting a ku jayhawks t shirt and boy shorts why would you ever assume i'm that whack girl that would swoon for something that whack?! do i look like a chicken headed gold digger? please don't be fooled by the fact that i sport long hair...that's so lame. GROAN!!!


at that point i graciously told him i guess i wasn't in his league because i didn't respond well to men i had just met telling me what to wear. he of course tried to take it back and said it didn't matter but the bomb had already done its damage.


this is SOOO how a lot of la men are by the way. it's all about appearance. it's all about the shallow pooh. i spent the second half throwing up in my mouth a little bit.

la boys...whackalicious pinheads since 2005.



12 comments:

  1. you summed that up ever so eloquently sis lol...

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  2. what a LOSER. I can't believe LA guys are all like that... makes me rethink moving there in the future

    eh I was stood up saturday night so I feel your pain... sort of... with stupid boys. What pissed me off is that I'm leaving for the UK tomorrow and he KNOWS I have like no time and then he went and did that? WTF?

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  3. lol yeah if you're moving to la thinking you'll find a suitable boy think again lol...

    imagine douche bags with popped collars and shades on at night lol

    boys are special special beings that should be monitored and watched in a lab cage

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  4. lol minor edit! LA BOYS are special beings...

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  5. oh. tish. i laughed and laughed after reading this...

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  6. angel...lol it's not supposed to be funny! ha! heck...it's funny. laughing over these d bags is how i maintain sanity sister!

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  7. Sorry Tish, I can't help it I laughed a little too.... ok a lot... boyz, sheesh! Makes me glad I'm not on the dating scene anymore. Ewwwww... You can definitely do better grrrrl!

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  8. this kind of fits...

    http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

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  9. That Demitri guy was a troll!

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  10. troll indeed! i would have slapped him thru the phone lol

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  11. LOL! At least you didn't get hit on by Demitri!!!!!

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