crack lips

9.28.2009
bad choices lead to some crazy insights let me tell ya...

so i totally strayed from my running schedule this weekend. because i had a friend in town i partied like a rockstar each night which made waking up at 6:30 am to run an impossible feat.

when i woke yesterday at 9 am i grumbled to myself that i couldn't hide from the pavement any longer and so i put on my running gear and headed out. (it wasn't noon...i'd be fine, right?)

i finally make it out to the park around 10. i sit in my car, contemplating if i should bring my big jug of water. i decide that it'll be more of a nuisance than anything and leave it in the shade of my car. i begin my run.

about a mile in (i have to do 5 mind you) i stop abruptly because my surroundings are spinning...it's hot. it's really hot...and DRY and i can tell this run's not gonna be easy. this is when the panic sets in. i know i have 4 miles left. do i run? do i hurry and finish to get my water quicker or do i walk and let my body rest?

i start to walk and the dry desert starts to attack me like it never has before. i'm usually a camel when it comes to not having to drink liquids...at all. this always fascinates friends but i had no such luck that day. i could feel my lips cracking open pretty quickly and when i'd go to wet them my tongue would be completely dry. do you know what that feels like?

that feels like "I'M ABOUT TO DIE OUT HERE!" i go into uber panic mode and start searching for water fountains but what are the chances there are NONE around this supposed park. i cut thru the park onto a path i've never tried before praying that i'll find water. all around me are signs saying "water conservation". irony is a mutha bi-yotch.

i start to sway and i know i'm gonna pass out and i want to cry so bad but i don't even have the liquid in my body for tears at this point. no one stops to help me and i'm pretty sure i'll end up passing out from heat stroke somewhere near the lake of water i can not drink (although i was tempted...ducks swimming and poohing--didn't care!)


just when i thought i'd have to give up i recognized a street path that i had taken to park my car and stumbled down the path until i found it. as soon as it was in sight i busted out crying. at that moment every singledom demon i possess in my body came rushing out of my eyes and i was sobbing uncontrollably.


if i would have passed out no one would have known. no one was waiting for me at my place. no one knew i was running. i was completely alone without even a running buddy to call my own. everyone in that park was with family...everyone on the trail was running with someone and at that moment it was like the "water water every where and not a drop to drink" irony...there were people all around but none of them were mine.


i got in my car and immediately texted my best bud j back in middle earth. she of course got me laughing which helped but i was haunted by that sob session for the rest of the day.


i couldn't drink enough water. i couldn't get the loneliness out of my head.


i learned some valuable things about myself out there.


#1: i can't run outside if it's hotter than 70. la's dry heat blows.
#2: i must carry water with me at all times.
#3: i will never get used to rockin solo.
#4: my best friend rocks. if she can cheer me up after my near-death moment she's doing something right. and i love her more than i can write.

#5: there's a reason people put marathons on their bucket lists...it's hard. it's grueling and it's definitely not for the sissies. what on earth did i get myself into?

2 comments:

  1. It's not easy, your right. I run with my cell, ID and a credit card just in case I get caught somewhere. It terrifies me. From here on out, you let me know before you run. I may be miles away, but I'm still your running buddy. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. now ya tell me lol!

    ok will do : )

    ReplyDelete

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