it's survival

pivotal moment:

julia roberts lays in bed, eye-to-eye with richard gere. quietly she opens up her heart and tells him, "people put you down enough, you start to believe it".

he tells her she's a very bright, very special woman and she says, "the bad stuff's easier to believe".

long sigh...the bad stuff is easier to believe, easier to gravitate to, easier to be swallowed by but that doesn't mean it's a sure bet. i'm amazed at some of the strength that pours out of people in their darkest of hours. true optimists are a sight to behold and i'm just now taking in the fact that maybe, just maybe these types of people have been put in my life for a reason. maybe i'll learn and it will save me. i feel like maybe today it did.

3 women:

1.) i read a woman's story (you may have to sign in to read it) about how she refused to accept a request to tear her family apart. she declined to accept her husband's pain as her own. he flung hate and she lovingly stepped out of harm's way and kept an unfathomable love going. she approached her situation with a vigor i've never heard of and stuck to it. i describe this to you like it's simple. i apologize. please don't be fooled by my writing's hang ups.

2.) work gossip couldn't keep a dear friend from speaking to me and finding out if rumors were true that i couldn't stand her. (someone actually told her her face!) it broke my heart. there are seriously people in this world that pull things out of the air and i have no idea why someone would intend to inflict that kind of pain but this woman was amazing enough to come to me. she was beaming light and layed it out there, cleared it up and we ended the conversation with i love you's. she could have told me names. she could have dwelled on the poison those people were telling her but she chose to focus on something she loved.

3.) my b. she continues to amaze me. she just radiates goodness. i mean GOODNESS people. i've watched her battle for years and years with bad. people slinging hate and mountains of weird and twisted misconceptions of what is and isn't reality and she comes out every time glowing more and more. we had a long talk today and i'm still not all right with how much she truly has to deflect but that doesn't stop me from being in utter awe of the power she possesses. she is a force to be reckoned with.

the stories aren't meaningful because they somehow involve me (the first one definitely doesn't.) they're meaningful because i witnessed something new and wonderful on other human beings...i just witness and admire. i'm an emotional sponge ya'll. it's really hard for me to sit back and watch people getting pummeled by bad things. the fact that people intend to inflict sadness leaves me a bit emotional.

i'm crying as i write this because i've witnessed more than one person's ill will
today and if those people's intentions were aimed at me i swear i'd break in two. there's a common thread linking the women aforementioned. they didn't get mad...they didn't get upset. they are not phased. they did not allow it to mangle their characters. they embody strength and kindness. they are light, the absence of all things dark.

i know all of us have our bad days and we definitely will encounter times where we feel like it would be easier to just accept the bad but i think our greatest moments are the battles we fight by dropping our scorn, ill wills and hate.

when the universe stops moving in retrograde the good will be easier to accept. in the mean time i have to always remember to fight for it...i see what you become when you take up that philosophy and i personally want to glow.


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