seppuku girl

So I’m in a crazy maniacal state right now when it comes to being my goofy zany self and then breaking down with hives because I have yet to become a dating zen master.

I’ll just say it. there are two different kinds of people in this world…those that believe if they’re single it’s fine and those that believe they should commit seppuku if they’re not hitched by 30 (I’m in the latter group by the way)

Yeah it’s so not cool being in the sword group. Not only do we beat our sorry little behinds up from time to time, we have to deal with the first group of confident patient folks judging us for being so maniacal. It’s exhausting. The below conversation is just one example of my rantings and the calm peace j tries to bring to the table.

(side note: we have this conversation after each & every break up I go through…feel sorry for j)

Me: I’m in such a weird funk. I don’t know what this is but I know logically and realistically there is no more Mr X and that’s for the best but something illogical (and I don’t even know if it’s my heart) is just bummed as heck that something ugly came out of our friendship. B came to my desk yesterday and said I was too good for Mr X and he was intimidated by my awesome-ness. um I watched “he’s just not that into you”? I know what’s up. Lol…no guy leaves a girl because she’s too good. to prove this I wrote Mark and asked him and he said he strives for the best girl or whatever (totally proving me right that it’s silly to think Mr. X was a jerk because I was too good)

Mark then told me it’s ok to be single (I hate hearing that because society has determined it’s really not ok for girls to be single) and that some day I’ll have a family and whatever because I have too much love to waste. The older I get and the more bloopers I experience the more I build up reservations on sharing me. so I kind of self-sabotage and so I’m kinda less hopeful. Guys are seriously evolving into huge jerks. Each generation gets worse. Ugh I hate dating. I hate it so much. I just don’t want to be that loser woman living alone and totally useless. I remember being in a relationship with Mr. architect and thinking my single friends were silly and impatient and it would happen for them so I know you must be shaking your head right now and laughing/sighing at my crazy rantings BUT lol this could get serious. It really hurts my heart to know that it’s getting worse and worse, harder and harder. I can bounce back fine…I’m still functioning in society and all that but it drains me man…I’m getting desperate.

J: It took me awhile to think about this email and how to respond. I just feel so darn inadequate when it comes to this part of our friendship. I have seriously no insight or advice. I'm totally clueless on dating. LOL. I can see how hard dating and finding someone is on you. And it ticks me off. I think at the end of the day you just have to find a way to be happy no matter if you're in a relationship or not. I mean once you're married you're still with yourself and times aren't always great, so you have to find a way to make yourself happy. There's no cure-all. That being said, I can't imagine my life without *Mr. Perfect. So yea...I'm worthless. lol.
But I love you!!! :)

Me: I know I know. you’re not worthless. You were single once and I remember you having hard times and crying so i know I’m not alone in the universe. Lol. I just…sigh. I just don’t want to be a cat lady! I don’t want to be auntie tish who smells like moth balls my whole life. I feel like God plops us down on this planet to flippin mate, have babies and die lol. that’s it. that’s what mammals do lol. sounds easy enough. I should have been born a penguin! Someone would have heard my song by now dang it!
Sigh…being content with single-ness. I’m such a flippin mammal failure lol.

J: lol. Um, there may be a post/chapter in all of this. Cause as upsetting as it is, it is kinda hilarious. Yea, I was a crackhead when I was single. But I like to think I learned from the boys I dated...what to put up with and what not to. And when not to settle. Those lessons took a little time though. LOL. And then I met *Mr. Perfect so who knows?

We are just 28 though. No cat lady flip outs until you’re pushing 40. ;)

Me: I can’t be 40 j!!!! Lol people keep throwing 40 out there but if I’m 40 I can’t have kids dude! No one gets that lol… I already know my lady parts are a bit jacked so I’m trying to use them before they shrivel down and die lol.

Ugh…what did I do in my past life? lol if this wasn’t so pathetic I’d blog about it…wait. I don’t care. I think I will lol. I’ve learned “duh” lessons…

Don’t allow a man to cheat.
Don’t date someone who is obviously chillin in the religious boat while you’re in the heathen boat.
Don’t date a guy that shows no interest.
Don’t date dumb guys.
Don’t date guys that say one thing but do another.
Ok I’ve learned lessons…now what?

J: lol. Now you just need the dude to find you. I like that thinking rather than you finding him.

Okay 35. Can we compromise at 35? lol.

Me: Sigh…maybe. How are pregnancy rates at that age?

so yeah...i think of myself as a cool chick. i'm intelligent and can hold a competent conversation pretty easily but sometimes i'm crazy. welcome to the brain of a seppuku girl.

*J does not indeed call her man “mr perfect” but you know I just don’t throw names out there


  1. First, let me just say that I know multiple people who've had healthy, happy babies around and even over 40. My cousin got pregnant at 39 without trying, and then again at 41 without trying! It's definitely possible!!! :)

    Second, let me just say that I firmly believe that once you are happy and content with your current state, a relationship will fall into your lap when you least expect it. It always happens that way! Have you ever heard the saying "Let go and let God"? I find that if I work too hard to make things happen they won't, but if I just relax and let God work in the way He wants to, it will all work out perfectly in the end!

    Hugs to you, friend! :)


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